Graduate Bitterness
by RMacaroni
Summary: Bitter graduate student meets eager undergraduate. Sparks fly but not always in the good way. A story about regaining faith in yourself and remembering why it was you used to love what you do. All EPOV. AH. Rated M for language and eventual citrus.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**The places exist but the email addresses are made up for the purpose of the story.**

**A/N: Hello there! This is a little catharsis experiment.**

**Graduate School, my own personal hell. Well not really, but you get the point. When you're in your late twenties, and you're still in school, a film of bitterness covers your eyes and taints everything you see.**

**No real angst or drama here, just a bitter graduate student dealing with this limbo I call life.**

**I gotta say though, I'm nowhere near as bitter as the Edward in this story, but I may or may not have wanted to kill an undergrad once. (Just kidding!)**

**To any pre-med undergrads reading this: it's all just for fun! ;)**

**So this plot bunny came to me at a seminar in school when I spotted a hobolicious-looking grad student. I told my friend Jax713 about it, and the rest is history! This wouldn't be a story without her.**

**Thanks to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoy!**

**Ronnie.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

* * *

From: Aro Volturi, arovolturi(at)fhcrc(.)org  
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2011 6:18 AM  
To: Edward Cullen, eacullen(at)u(.)washington(.)edu

Edward,

I am forwarding this email from a brilliant undergraduate. Have you considered mentoring a student?

I think you should.

Aro  
-

From: imswan(at)u(.)washington(.)edu  
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2011 2:08 AM  
To: Aro Volturi, arovolturi(at)fhcrc(.)org

Subject: Undergraduate Research

Dear Professor Volturi,

My name is Isabella Swan, a junior from the School of Arts and Science, majoring in microbiology, and I am interested in undergraduate research in the related field. I find your research, which studies _Helicobacter pylori_ and its link to stomach cancer, fascinating! I have no previous research experience, but I am hard-working and responsible, and I will do my best if you give me an opportunity to join your team.

Please let me know if there is an open space for an undergraduate student in your lab.

Attached is my curriculum vitae and transcript.

Thank you,

Isabella Swan  
-

Aro Volturi  
Member, Division of Basic Sciences  
Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center  
1100 Fairview Avenue North

Seattle, WA 98109-1024

* * *

_No previous research experience?_ _Oh great! Just fucking great!_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: So, as you can see, these are going to be short! I will update twice a day. The story is all written and it's just in the process of being betad/edited.**

**Thanks for reading, and please hit that review button and let me know what you think! R.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and inspiring me and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

As usual, at noon, I go have lunch with Emmett — the only graduate student in the department who I call my friend. We always have lunch together in our floor's break room, since both of our labs are on the same floor.

I stick my Tupperware in the microwave and flop on the chair, while Emmett is already inhaling his food.

"Aro wants me to take on an undergrad."

"Really?" Emmett asks, food still in his mouth. "Have it do the dishes," he jokes, chuckling.

"Oh, man. This is going to suck balls. I'm going to have to train her, and she has no lab experience. I have no time for this shit."

The microwave beeps, and I get my food out.

"I tried to get out of it, but Aro insisted. 'It's all part of the training.'" I make my best impression of Aro's voice and Emmett snorts.

I flop back on the chair and fork my mac and cheese.

"It's probably some fucking pre-med wanting to get some research on her CV. She said our research was _fascinating_." I laugh at the word. She probably has no idea what it is we do. She probably sent a hundred emails with the exact same words.

"Maybe she's cute." Emmett waggles his eyebrows at his last remark. I decide to ignore him.

My current single status is not something that Emmett is happy with. I know he's only trying to be a good friend, but it is annoying how much energy he wastes trying to shove ladies in my face.

"I already did my required T.A-ing last year, and it almost gave me an ulcer. I thought I was done interacting with whiny undergrads. This fucking sucks!" I continue my rant.

I'm in a foul mood. I really don't have time to be mentoring a student, let alone one that has no fucking experience. I devote my existence completely and exclusively to my research, in hopes that I'll be able to leave this place— and start real life— someday in the foreseeable future. Babysitting is seriously going to cut into my time.

We continue eating, and Emmett rambles about sports while I uh-huh and nod in response. After lunch, I stop by the incubator to make sure my cultures are growing and then head to my desk where I email the undergrad.

* * *

From: Edward Cullen eacullen(at)u(.)washington(.)edu  
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2011 1:05 PM  
To: imswan(at)u(.)washington(.)edu

Come to lab on Monday between 8 AM and 7 PM.

Bring your schedule.

Edward A. Cullen.  
PhD Candidate  
Volturi Lab  
Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center  
1100 Fairview Avenue North  
Seattle, WA 98109-1024

* * *

_This is fucking going to suck._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Thanks for reading! What do you think?**

**More tomorrow! Ronnie.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: ****Jax713 helps me put my thoughts together and ****mcc101180 makes them readable.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

"Hi, I'm looking for Edward Cullen?"

I'm analyzing DNA sequencing data on my computer when I hear the stranger's voice from the hallway asking for me.

"That's him over there," Jane, my lab mate, says. My eyes are glued to the screen, searching for a start codon, so I can't really look, but I figure she is pointing in my direction.

_CTT ATC GTG ACT..._

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a shadow approaching me.

_ACG TCT AAT TTT..._

"Hi, I'm Bella," the shadow says. It must be the undergrad.

"Did you bring your schedule?" I ask quickly, trying not to lose track of the base positions.

_CGC CTC CGT __**ATG**__…_ _there it is!_

I highlight the start codon and turn to the undergrad. She's holding a paper in shaking hands.

I snatch the paper from her hands before the crackling noise drives me insane. Scanning her schedule, I realize she doesn't have a lot of free time. It seems like Tuesdays and Thursdays afternoons would work best.

"You want to do one or two credits?" I ask her while I fill out her form.

"Oh... um... u-uh... t-two?"

_Oh God, she's a stammerer. _I already dislike her.

"That's ten hours a week then," I say as I scribble on her form. "Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, maybe some hours Wednesday mornings." I finish filling out her form and hand it to her while I load the next set of sequences on my computer screen.

"See you tomorrow," I dismiss her with a wave of my hand, not caring to hear any more of her stammering.

_I can't believe my luck! The only thing worse than an undergrad has got to be a stammering one!_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: So, yeah... Edward is a little bitter.**

**Let me know what you think! More to come later today! Ronnie.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

When I get back from lunch, the undergrad is sitting at my bench. A laugh escapes my lips when I see what she's wearing.

"What the hell is that?" I point to the lab coat she has on which has ridiculous bacteria hand-made drawings all over the fabric.

She jumps from the chair and looks at me, startled. "My la-la-lab coat?" she stutters.

_Oh great, she's retarded._

I take a deep breath and examine her for proper laboratory clothing. She's wearing closed shoes and jeans, which is appropriate, but her hair is long and loose.

"You should tie your hair up. You'll be working near the flame."

She extricates a hair band from her wrist and starts tying her hair up. When I walk past her, I notice that the back of her la-la-lab coat has "Bacteria Rule" handwritten in huge letters.

_Bacteria Rule… Is she fucking serious?_

I want to stab my eyes with the pen I'm holding.

Who in their right mind would spend any considerable amount of time drawing on a lab coat? No one in their right mind, that's for sure.

There's something wrong with her — I am certain.

I am truly concerned about the diminished mental capability of the undergrad under my mentorship as I proceed to show her around the lab. She follows behind me quietly, making notes.

After a considerable amount of thinking, I decide I don't trust her enough to do any of the actual technical work. There isn't any part of my project that I'm willing to assign to her, so I have her do mundane lab chores that I'm sure even a high school student could do.

It's probably not what Aro had in mind, but it's the way it has to be.

_God, I'm already dreading this. Can it be Friday yet?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Thank you to everybody who reviewed, added to favorites, and signed up for alerts! You flooded my inbox and it was awesome!**

**I can't wait to hear more from all of you! ****See you tomorrow! Ronnie.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Emmett and I sit with our feet up on the coffee table and our Tupperwares on our laps. The break room doesn't actually have a table to eat off of, but it still beats eating at your desk.

"How's it going with the undergrad?" Emmett asks as he chews.

"I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with her."

Emmett laughs, even though I'm not joking.

"All she does is nod at what I say," I elaborate. "Like one of those fucking bobble head dolls." I stretch my neck and bob my head.

"Except she has bangs…" I continue, lifting my hand and putting my fingers over my forehead for illustration. "Flopping all over her face when she nods frantically at every fucking thing I say."

Emmett snorts but continues eating.

"And she stammers! Well, when she speaks, that is. She doesn't speak much. I kind of like that about her."

Emmett laughs. "Sounds like you're in love, bro."

"Fuck you, Emmett," I say, uninterested_—_ I already know where this is going.

"Is she cute?" Emmett asks, glancing at me with a smile.

"She's a baby."

"Is she a cute baby?"

"Emmett, she's... she's a zygote."

"Well, maybe with this zygote, you'll learn how to be human again." He turns his attention back to his food.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Come on. You're not exactly social, bro. All you do is lab shit, and occasionally hang out with me and Rose."

"What are you talking about? I am social." My tone comes out a little whiny in my disbelief.

"Oh, really?" Emmett raises his eyebrows at me.

"Yes! Ask anyone in lab."

"Dude, that's exactly my point!"

I stare at Emmett, dumbfounded.

_Is he right?_

I went to Jane's birthday once… my first year here, I think. Oh, and there was that party at Aro's house. I went to that too.

_I am social, __goddammit__!_

_Who has time to be more social than that, anyway?  
_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: So, so far I've heard: Bitterward, Crankyward, Doucheward, GetOffMyLawnWard (LOL)... what should we call this Edward?**

**One more chap coming later today. R.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

After a few weeks of work, I can see that the undergrad follows instructions well. If I don't look at her la-la-lab coat or at the annoying bangs on her forehead, the only thing that really bothers me about her is her general presence in my space, which isn't half bad. I mean, she could be stammering nonstop all day... but she barely speaks as it is, and she doesn't ask any questions.

I walk back from lunch with Emmett, surprised I am not particularly dreading the fact that the undergrad will probably be in lab already.

It seems like having an undergrad might not be the death of me after all.

Of course, after speaking too soon, I find her cleaning my bench, and I want to rip her throat out.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

She flinches and turns to look at me, her gloved hands still holding the ethanol squeeze bottle.

"I-I just thought I'd clean up a bit."

"Did you touch my samples?"

"Which samples?"

"These," I seethe, pointing to the upside-down tubes that were in the middle of the bench when I left, and are now on the side.

"I-I just mov—"

"Did you touch my RNA samples?" She opens and closes her mouth, gaping at me like a fish — a fucking life ruin-er fish. "Do you know how labile RNA is?"

"La-labile?"

"Yes! Unstable— easily degradable. Main fucking point: you don't touch my RNA samples."

"I-I used gloves... I'm sorry," she mumbles, her eyes filling with tears.

If she starts crying, I'm seriously going to lose my shit.

I take a deep breath and pinch my nose, trying to cool down. I put gloves on and set my samples back in the middle of the bench— where I start to re-suspend them— hoping I didn't lose a whole week of work.

She sniffles next to me, and my next words come out as a groan. "Why don't you and your la-la-lab coat go find something useful to do?"

I hear her shuffle around nervously until she finally gets out of my sight.

_I should have known better than to think this was somehow going to work._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Never touch someone's RNA samples, okay? ;)**

**Rage-y bitter graduate student... I know some of those.**

**Let me know what you think. See you tomorrow. Ronnie.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

* * *

From: Aro Volturi, arovolturi(at)fhcrc(.)org  
Sent: Monday, February 14, 2011 6:27 AM  
To: Edward Cullen, eacullen(at)u(.)washington(.)edu

Edward,

Part of the undergrad training involves more than just doing chores. Cleaning dishes, stacking pipette tips, and capping tubes do not count as experiments.

I expect your undergrad to have enough experimental data to give a presentation at the end of the semester.

Aro  
_

Aro Volturi  
Member, Division of Basic Sciences  
Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center  
1100 Fairview Avenue North  
Seattle, WA 98109-1024

* * *

_What the hell? Did she tell him I have her doing chores?_

_Shit, shit, shit, shit._

Aro's right, though.

All she has done these past few weeks has been chores. And except the little incident with my RNA samples, she hasn't completely messed up yet. Maybe I should cut her some slack and give her something to do. She might end up learning something, or at least realizing how frustrating science is and give up on it sooner rather than later.

_Oh God, how is she going to give a presentation if she can't even say one sentence without stuttering?_

This is going to be an embarrassment, and not only for her. She'll make me look bad if she screws up her presentation.

It is decided then. I need to lighten up a bit and try to teach her something.

...

On Thursday, the undergrad is doing her chores, and I approach her to hand her the proposed project sheet.

She looks at it with raised eyebrows. "What is this?"

"Your project for the next few weeks."

She smiles in excitement.

"You didn't have to go crying to Aro. I was going to give you a project anyway."

She frowns. "W-What are you talking about?" She looks up at me with a baffled expression, but I dismiss her quickly.

"Enough chattering. Those tubes aren't going to wash themselves."

_You're busted, undergrad. Your puppy dog eyes don't work on me._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Yay! Bella gets to do experiments!**

**So, who told Aro?**

**One more later today. Let me know what you think. Ronnie.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

It's the first week of real work for the undergrad. Truthfully, I'm slightly nervous and on edge. There's an uneasy feeling in my stomach, my palms are sweaty, and my heart is beating rapidly.

_Am I excited about this? Nah… I'm probably just hungry._

"Do you know what PCR is?"

The undergrad nods and gets her notepad out, ready to take notes.

I explain to her briefly how I want her to amplify two toxin genes from a set of _H. pylori_ samples that arrived this morning from the hospital. Of course, I only give her a subset of the total number of samples. It's a big enough number for her to have fun with, but it's small enough that if she messes up I won't be murderously angry.

As per usual, the undergrad takes notes on everything I say, including when I show her where things are. As far as I know, she could have drawn a map of the lab on her notepad, with all the detailed notes she's taking.

…

The undergrad is sitting at the bench, the PCR tubes in front of her, the protocol on her left, the pipettes on her right, and the rack with all the reagents at the back of the bench. I watch her as she stares at all of it while picking at the edges of her gloves.

_She's going to drive me insane._

"Do you know how to use the pipettes?"

She looks up at me and shakes her head timidly.

"Why didn't you say so?" My voice comes out a little louder than I mean to, and she flinches.

_We're never going to get anywhere like this._

I take a deep breath and try again.

I grab one of the micropipetters and show it to her. "You set the volume here." I point to the rings. "Clockwise to increase, counterclockwise to decrease."

I show her the display window while turning the rings. I demonstrate to her how to get the disposable tip on the end, and where to discard them when she's done.

After a few trials, the undergrad is meticulously pipetting into the PCR tubes, as she prepares the reaction.

She's careful not to contaminate anything. She pays close attention to what she's doing.

She has skilled hands.

I'm mildly pleased by this, and I may even smile a little.

_This might not be as bad as I thought._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: He's mildly pleased. That's a start, right?**

**Thank you all for your reviews, alerts and favorites! You make this so much fun!**

**See you tomorrow! R.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I take the undergrad to the dark room to look at the agarose gel that contains the PCR products she amplified.

I am, strangely, in a good mood.

"The ethidium bromide binds to the DNA, and when exposed to UV light, it fluoresces an orange color so you can see the PCR products on the gel," I explain to her as we stride through the hallway.

She's walking by my side— holding the gel in gloved hands— staring up at me deer-eyed. I suspect she's wishing she had her notepad, so she could write down everything I'm saying.

We get to the dark room, and she steps in hesitantly. I point to the UV box where she sets the gel and carefully avoids trapping bubbles between the gel and the surface of the box. She has either done this before or read about it in advance.

That's good— she came prepared. I like that.

When she's done, she steps back, and I show her how to close the box and turn on the UV.

"Turn off the lights," I tell her.

Once the lights are off, I peek at the gel. "Well, look at that. All of your reactions worked."

"Really?" I hear her say from the back of the room.

"Yeah," I say, turning around, but I can't see where she is. "Come closer so you can see."

I wait, but I don't hear her moving.

"Come here, I don't bite."

She approaches the UV light box. I can see her profile under the purple glow. Her eyebrows shoot up, and she smiles in awe.

I snort.

_Undergrads… so easily impressed._

After she has seen the bands, I show her how to take and print a picture of her gel. We return to the lab, and she starts filling in her lab notebook.

Since I don't recall giving her guidelines on how to keep the notebook, when she leaves for the day, I check to see how she's doing so far.

Her notebook is impeccable— a thorough dated record of all she has done since the first day.

I think there might be hope for her yet, until I reach the last page and see she has taped the picture of the gel. Under it she wrote "all worked" and then drew a smiley face.

_A fucking smiley face._

_This undergrad is, definitely, not right in the head._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Now, you really didn't think he was going to go from Bitterward to Sweetieward in one day, right?**

**As usual, one more later today.**

**Also, if you're curious, this is what an agarose gel with DNA bands looks like under the UV light: http:/bit(.)ly/KSDM7W (Just remove the parentheses)**

**Thanks for reading, guys! And I love your reviews, so please keep them coming! Ronnie.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

"Is _that _what you're wearing?"

"What's wrong with it?" I ask, looking down at my outfit. It is what I've been wearing all day.

_It's a fucking sweater._

"It has holes in it."

"And?" _Who cares?_

I really don't see what the problem is. It's a piece of clothing. It meets its purpose.

"Are you making a fashion statement? You do know grunge was over twenty years ago? I know you live in Seattle and all, but I'm not digging the Kurt Cobain look... at all."

"You're making me regret bringing you to this," I groan.

I'm starting to get pissed, actually. Finding what to wear on a Friday night is never a problem. Never— except when she's here.

"Okay, okay... let's go then."

"It's just beers with Em and Rose, relax."

I run a hand through my hair and decide it's being particularly unmanageable today, so I just throw a beanie on to cover it.

"You know, Edward, it wouldn't hurt to wash your hair once in a while. How are you going to meet any cute girls?"

_Here we go again…_

"Alice, would you get off my case? I don't want to meet anybody."

At least once a month, my cousin, Alice, comes to visit me. She likes to keep an eye on me. She never trusts me when I say I'm fine over the phone when she calls me, several times a week.

It's endearing, but extremely annoying.

I know she means well. She and my aunt and uncle are all the family I have. I love them dearly; I just don't need to be taken care of anymore.

To make matters worse, in addition to Emmett, Alice is on a mission to find me a mate. She takes it personally that I am still single, and she reminds me of it... constantly.

"Okay, okay. I'm zipping it," she says, sensing my lack of patience.

"I really doubt you are able to."

How it is possible that Alice and I are related is beyond me… She is absolutely unable to keep her mouth shut for long periods of time.

_Well, at least she doesn't stammer._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Ohai, Alice!**

**Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: I lied! You get another one today! But only thanks to Mel, the rock-star beta behind Bitterward, who let you guys have it... and ****Jaxy, my beautiful pre-reader and partner in crime, who totally approved of the decision!**

**Enjoy!**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Alice and I arrive at the bar and find Emmett and Rosalie already sitting at one of the back tables. I'm disappointed to see Emmett has changed from his usual dirty lab hoodie to a button-down shirt.

He's so pussy-whipped by Rosalie, it's embarrassing.

Pussy-whipped, button-down Emmett only adds to my cousin's despair because now I'm the only one who looks like a hobo at our table.

_Well, thank you for that, Rosalie._

Emmett was starting his second year when Rosalie and I joined the program. From the moment they met, they became inseparable. At least she ended up in the Biotech Building, and not at the Cancer Research Center, like Emmett and me. Otherwise, I wouldn't even get to spend time with Emmett during our lunch breaks.

"So, Emmett, how's my cousin doing?" Alice asks, taking a sip from her vodka tonic.

"Oh, you know… bitter, irritable, indifferent to the world… same old, same old."

"I'm sitting right here." I know where this is going, and I don't like it.

"He refused to go out with my friend, Irina," Rosalie feels the need to add, and I scowl at her.

_As if having Alice here isn't bad enough._

"Oh yeah, she was too tall, or too blonde, or too dumb… Which one was it, bro?" Emmett is trying to be funny, and it's getting on my nerves.

"Shut up, Emmett. I've never even met Irene or whatever."

"Yes you did meet _Irina_, a couple times actually." Rosalie emphasizes her friend's name, like I was supposed to remember that.

_What kind of name is Irina, anyway?_

"Well, I don't remember," I concede in irritation.

"This is what I was telling you. He doesn't _see_ anybody anymore," Emmett says to Alice. "It's like he's wearing those things… Whatchamacallit?" He snaps his fingers, in search for the word. "Those things…" He puts his hands on each side of his face as blinders.

"Blinders?" Rosalie guesses.

"Yes! Blinders. It's like he's wearing fucking blinders! Never looks at anybody. Never meets anyone new."

"He has secluded himself," Rosalie adds.

"This kind of antisocial behavior is exactly what worries me about him," Alices whispers, looking at Rosalie.

Them talking about me is aggravating, them talking about me as if I'm not even here verges on unbearable.

"Would you guys just drop it?"

"Is this about Tanya?" Alice crosses her arms over her chest.

"Oh for the love of God!" I bang my head on the table dramatically.

_What the fuck does Tanya have to do with any of this?  
_  
"Okay, okay. I'll stop," Alice whispers.

"Every time you come here, it's the same." I lift my head from the table and pull at my hair, affronted.

"I just worry about you." She runs a hand along my arm, and I sigh.

"You don't have to. I'm fine." I glance at her and there's a look of disbelief on her face. "I am. I'm just tired of school, that's all. I want to start real life already. I'm going to be twenty-six this summer, and I'm still in school."

"Hell, I'm twenty-seven!" Emmett says, lifting his pint. "And look at all the fuck I give!" he chants before he proceeds to down his pint.

"Is that supposed to make me feel like less of a loser?" I wonder out loud.

"Hey," Rosalie snaps.

"It's okay…" Emmett waves dismissively, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "He has an acute case of graduate bitterness."

_Graduate bitterness… yes, that is exactly what I have._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: That's it for today, ladies. Thanks for reading and see you tomorrow! Ronnie.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I am taking the undergrad around the building to show her where to drop her samples at the sequencing facility. She walks next to me quietly. Occasionally, when we take a turn or go up a floor, she scribbles on her notepad. If she spent more time actually looking where we're going instead of writing on her notepad, she wouldn't need notes to be able to get here.

This undergrad is strange. She doesn't look at me or ever speak to me.

And Emmett thinks _I'm_ anti-social!

On our way back, I'm considering what appropriate social lab behavior is, when we run into James Wand, another graduate student in the department.

"Cullen," he says to me while looking at the undergrad, probably staring at her ridiculous la-la-lab coat.

Why she insists on wearing that thing is beyond me.

"We missed you at happy hour," he adds, without looking at me.

Every Friday, the department hosts a happy hour. Emmett and I always go. It's lame, but at least there's beer. Of course last Friday, Alice was visiting, and I wouldn't even dream of taking her to that.

"Yeah, my cousin was visiting," I tell James.

James smiles at the undergrad, and I realize I should probably introduce them, but for the life of me, I can't remember her name.

"Hi," James says to her, still grinning creepily.

_Fucking pervert._

_Shit, shit, shit... _

_What was her name?_

The girl glances up at me, and since I'm still blanking on her name, she sighs and extends her hand to James.

"I'm Bella," she says to James, scowling accusingly at me, like she's mad at _me_.

_Bella?_

I can't remember ever knowing this. I am sure if she had told me her name was Bella, I would remember.

I try thinking back to her email, or the first time she came to lab.

_She didn't say her name, did she?_

How would I know her name? Does she assume I read minds? Or that I would remember her name from an email over a month ago?

Before I have time to get thoroughly annoyed at her, I realize James is still talking to her. I don't like James, or the way he's looking at my undergrad, so I quickly steer her away from him and back to lab.

_Now, what was her name again?_

_Shit…  
_  
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Uh-Oh... so Bitterward is not good with names. You all saw what happened with Irene or whatever. ;)**

**One more coming later, :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Another week of work and I'm sitting at my desk, looking at sequence alignments.

From where I'm sitting, I can see my undergrad, who is carefully setting up an experiment.

The lab is silent, so when the fire alarm goes off, I jump a little in my chair. I turn around, and I'm met with terrified brown eyes staring back at me.

She looks genuinely scared, and a brilliant idea occurs to me. She doesn't know it is most likely a drill. We have one every couple of months. She is still looking at me, terrified, when I decide I can be fun— I can be social.

"Run, Becca! Run!" I yell at her, jumping out of my chair.

"W-w-what?"

The color drains from her face, and her eyes widen. The expression on her face is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. She looks like she's about to pee her pants. I can't hold it in anymore, and I am doubled over laughing.

The fire alarm is still going, and she's clutching a rack of tubes in her hand. I think she might even be shaking a little.

I'm laughing so hard my sides are hurting.

I gasp for air between chuckles until I am finally able to tell her, "It's a fire drill. Relax." I lean with one hand on the bench, trying to control myself.

She sets the tubes on the bench, takes a deep breath, and turns to glare at me. "That was not funny." She is turning crimson red, and I start laughing again. "And my name is Bella!"

She turns around and walks away from me as my chuckling subsides.

With a sigh, I collect my things and head out the door.

_Oh, being social is fun!_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: ****Oh... the fire drill prank... I totally fell for it my first time in lab. :(**

**Hit that review button and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading! Ronnie. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

**I was hoping to post this earlier, but Mr. Mac surprised me with tickets for Dark Shadows. :)**

**Surprise! Another one today! We'll be back to two per day tomorrow. Enjoy!**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

The building's fire alarms are apparently being tested today because they have gone off at least four times. I can't help but laugh every time, because seriously, her face was hilarious. We are standing outside of the building for the fifth time today. My undergrad is next to me, hands in her pockets, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

I decide not to be a dick after all.

"You want to get some coffee?"

She turns her gaze to me, uncertain that I am actually addressing her, except there's no one else immediately around us, so who else could I be talking to?

The closest cafeteria is the one at the library to which we walk in silence.

It's a nice walk, and at least it's not raining.

We are standing in line, when all of the sudden, her shoulders tense and she mutters something that sounds a lot like "shit".

The next second, her arm is around mine, and she's smiling up at me.

"What the hell are you doing?"

She keeps her smile on but releases my arm and turns to stand in front of me.

"Say something funny," she orders, her voice barely a whisper.

"What?"

She explodes in laughter. I have no idea what's going on.

She puts a hand on my chest as she's laughing.

_Oh God, she has completely lost it._

_Maybe it's the fumes from the building?_

She keeps smiling at me and starts rubbing my arm. I'm beginning to get uncomfortable.

Just as abruptly as she started, she stops. She looks down and moves out of my way.

_Ooooookay then._

I move up the line to get coffee, and when I ask if she wants anything, she shakes her head. I decide not to waste anymore time trying to figure out what's wrong with her and start heading back.

"I'm sorry," she starts, catching up with me. "There's this guy, Mike. He won't take a hint. He's a seriously committed stalker, and I just didn't know what else to do. I told him I had a boyfriend. And when I saw him there, in the cafeteria, I just thought it would be perfect if he thought… I mean, I just wanted him to see I was with someone. I'm sorry," she prattles, and I stop paying attention, surprised by the fact she's able to say all of that in one breath without stammering.

"Sure, whatever, crazy undergrad," I mutter to myself as I keep walking.

_Could undergrads get any weirder than mine?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Ohai, Mike, the stalker.**

**Thank you all who continue to review, and hi to the new ones that signed up for alerts! I can't tell you how much fun I've been having with this! So, thanks! Did you see? We have a new pretty blue review button! Wanna give it a try? ;)**

**I'm on twitter all the time, if you want to come say hi (at)RMacaroni**

**Happy weekend and see you tomorrow!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I have the bench all to myself because it's Wednesday afternoon, and my undergrad is not here. I'm enjoying the peace —iPod ear buds in— when someone approaches my bench.

I turn to see James mouthing something that I can't hear. I take the ear buds out and stare at him suspiciously. This may be the first time ever that James has been in my lab.

"Cullen." He leans on my bench, and I glare at him. I don't want him to touch anything.

"Can I help you?" I ask, annoyed.

"So, where's that cute little brunette you were with the other day?"

_Brunette?_

My first guess is Alice, but I don't think they've met. I have no idea who he's talking about.

"Who?"

"The one with the colorful lab coat."

_Oh... colorful? _I snort internally. That's the least apt adjective for that lab coat.

"She is not here."

"Do you have her number?"

"Why would I have her number? And more importantly, James, why do _you_ want her number?"

"So you and her… you know…" he suggests cryptically, raising his eyebrows.

"Me and her what?" I ask in anger.

"She's up for grabs, then?"

I look at him, disgusted. James is a fucking pervert.

_She's just a kid, come on!_

"James, she's an undergrad." I sigh.

I can't believe he came to my lab to ask for my undergrad. I'm actually glad she isn't here— I don't want her anywhere near James.

"Have you looked at her, man? She's fine." His expression is that of a horny dog.

"She's crazy." That's what she is.

"Even better." James waggles his eyebrows in the most disgusting way. I never thought I could dislike him more.

"I don't have her number, James. And honestly, if I did, I certainly wouldn't give it to you. So, if that's all..." I grab the ear buds and bring them close to my ears.

If there isn't a non-fraternization policy against creepy graduate students going after undergraduates, then there should be one.

"You're such a dick," James says before he leaves.

_Yeah, and you are a fucking pervert._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Yeah, Bitterward is still bitter... and a little possessive?**

**One more today! Laters! :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Even though it's Friday —and not a day she usually comes— my undergrad is in lab. I emailed her last night to let her know we had her sequencing results back. She replied, within seconds, and asked if she could come today to look at them. Thus we are both sitting at my desk, in front of my laptop, as I show her how to analyze the data.

Unfortunately, all of her reactions failed. I'm not terribly upset though; at least she'll learn this is how it goes, 90% of the time, and how aggravatingly frustrating it can be.

"Why didn't it work?" she questions sadly.

"Maybe you made a mistake?"

"I was very careful," she says defensively.

_How typical…_Pre-med students always think everything should work at once.

"It happens." I shrug.

"I don't understand."

"There's a reason why it's called _re_search. If you had to do it only once, it would be called search."

"So, what do I do now?"

"You start over."

"From the beginning?"

"Yeah."

She sighs and looks at her notebook. She glances at the calendar behind me and writes on her notepad.

"Can I come tomorrow? That way I can have cells growing by Monday."

Her question takes me by surprise. I wasn't expecting her to be so eager to start over. I add overachiever to the list of bizarre things my undergrad is.

"Tomorrow is Saturday."

"I know that."

"Don't you have a frat party to go to?" I tease, but her glare has me backtracking quickly. "Fine, come tomorrow," I concede.

I will be here anyway. Weekends are the best days to work in lab. No one to bug you plus there's free parking.

"Awesomesauce!" she quips.

I roll my eyes at my infantile undergrad, and she smiles. I'm slightly annoyed that I won't have the lab to myself tomorrow, but part of me is also pleasantly surprised by her determination.

_Maybe she'll be a good candidate for grad school after all._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: There's hope!**

**That's it for today. Thank you guys so much for reviewing! You make this so much fun!**

**See you tomorrow. Ronnie.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

**Happy Mother's Day!**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Saturdays are my favorite day of the week.

I go to the gym in the morning before I head to the lab. Since it's nice out today, I leave my car in front of the research building and walk to and from the gym.

My hair is still damp from my shower, when I get a text from my overachieving undergrad who, apparently, doesn't mind coming into the lab on a Saturday. I gave her my cell phone number yesterday so she could text me when she got here, since the buildings are locked during the weekend.

**"Mr. Graduate Student, I am at the front of the building. B." **

I roll my eyes at her attempt of being funny and don't text her back. When I find her downstairs, she's tying her hair up in a freakishly high ponytail. Just looking at it kind of gives me a headache. As soon as she sees me, she smiles broadly.

"Very funny," I deadpan as I open the door for her. "Edward would suffice."

We walk to the lab in silence as I contemplate ways I can be funny too. I'm debating between teasing her about her pony tail or her lab coat, when I think of the perfect prank that would guarantee a scared-shitless hilarious face from her.

To accomplish my plan, I tell her to start the experiment from scratch without using any of my reagents. I lie and say that a possible reason why her experiment failed could very well be that one of my reagents was contaminated.

_As if that's ever going to happen._

She prepares the growth media, and I tell her how to work the autoclave —an over-sized pressure cooker used for sterilization. I purposely omit the fact that this is an old autoclave, and when the vapor starts building up, it leaks. There's really no risk of her being hurt by it, but I expect big brown terrified eyes coming to get me as soon as it does, effectively completing my master prank.

I sit at my bench and start my experiment. I grin and I wait, except she never comes. All I hear is glass breaking, and I'm running out the door.

_Holy shit, what now?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Uh oh... Bitterward is trying to be social again.**

**Sorry about the cliffie, but I'll post another chapter later so you guys will know what happens today.**

**In the meantime, any theories?**

**Oh, and this is what an autoclave looks like bit(.)ly/Juythm**

**Thanks for reading, Ronnie.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I find my undergrad sitting on the floor next to a mess of broken glass. The autoclave is leaking vapor through the door, which is making the whole room hot and humid. I grab the handle of the autoclave's door and hold it closed tightly until it stops leaking.

"What happened?" I ask, as I turn to my undergrad who is still sitting with her back against the wall and her head on her knees.

Anxious to see if she's okay, I crouch next to her. She's facing me, but her eyes are closed, and she is scrunching her nose. I notice she's holding her hand away from me, next to her leg, and she's breathing rapidly.

"Are you okay?" I'm starting to get nervous. The green tenor on her face tells me she's either going to faint or hurl. She mumbles something unintelligible while she presses her hand against her leg. "Let me see." I reach for her hand, and that's when I see the blood.

_Oh, shit..._

There's a decent gash on the palm of her hand, and it's bleeding profusely.

_Shit, shit, shit..._

Carefully, I grab her under her arms and lift her up. As soon as I have her between my arms, she presses her face into my chest, still breathing rapidly.

I drag her to the sink to run some water over her wound. I'm glad she isn't looking, because the cut seems deep, and I'm pretty sure she needs stitches.

Concerned that she's not able to stay upright, I hold her tightly against my chest with one arm wrapped around her back, while my other hand reaches for the first aid kit. Thankfully there's gauze in it, and I wrap it tightly around her injured hand.

"You're okay," I shush, trying to calm her down. She's still pressing her face into my chest, moaning. "It's okay." Part of her hair is sticking to her clammy forehead, so I try brushing it back.

"Is there still blood?" she mutters into my sweater.

_She's fainting because of the blood._

In an attempt to make her feel better, I remove her lab coat, which is covered in blood, and hold her to my chest again.

"It's gone, mostly. You're going to be fine, but we need to go to the ER."

She moans again.

"Please, open your eyes," I beg softly in her ear. My fingers reach for her chin to pull her face up. Desperate to try to make it better, I rub my thumb on her cheek, holding her face up. But whatever I'm doing is not working, because she's still scrunching her eyes shut and breathing heavily.

I need to get her out of here.

"Can you walk?" I ask, even though I doubt she's able to.

She nods weakly; her eyes remain closed. When she tries to take a step— and falters dizzily— my arm reaches under her knees, and I carry her to my car.

_Dammit! How could I be such an ass?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: *sigh* Oh, Bitterward... so, how much trouble is he in?**

**See you guys tomorrow! Hit that pretty blue button!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

**A little early today, but I have a busy morning... so better sooner than later, right? Enjoy!**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I set my fainting undergrad on the passenger seat of my car, and since she still has her eyes closed, I fasten the seatbelt for her.

"Please say something," I say as I start the car, my eyes on her. I need to know that she's okay.

"I hate blood," she states.

I am relieved that she's speaking and slightly amused by the fact that a pre-med student hates blood.

"Are you still dizzy?"

Her only answer is a tiny nod of her head, and my stomach sinks. There's a little crease on her forehead, and I am suddenly attacked by the need to smooth it with my fingers, frantic to find some way to make this all right.

"We'll be at the hospital in ten minutes," I promise, tearing my eyes from her as I back the car up.

"Would you distract me, so I don't think about the blood?"

"I don't know how," I admit sheepishly.

"Say something funny."

"Funny? Okay. I think it's pretty funny that you want to go to medical school and you faint at the sight of blood."

"Who says I'm pre-med?"

"You're not?" I look at her in surprise. I could have sworn she was a pre-med student.

"No, and that really wasn't funny. Besides, talking about blood is not going to make me forget about the blood." Her frown deepens disapprovingly.

"What do you want me to say?" I sigh in frustration, out of ideas on how to make it better, as I turn my eyes to the road again.

"Don't you know any jokes?" There's a taint of frustration in her voice as well.

"No."

"Everyone knows at least one joke, Edward."

I glance at her. Her eyes are still closed, but she's facing me. The way she says my name, with such conviction and respect, makes my stomach tight with an emotion I'm unfamiliar with.

Before I can stop myself, I'm telling her a joke— the lamest, geekiest joke, but pretty much the only one I know.

"Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar," I start, and when the corners of her mouth turn up slightly, I know I'm finally doing something right. "One says, _I think I've lost an electron_. The other says, _are you sure?_ The first replies, _yes. I'm positive._"

_God, that has got to be the stupidest joke in the history of stupid jokes!_

"That was lame," she says, but to my relief, smiles.

_The things I do for fainting undergrads!_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: awwww he told her a geeky joke! :)**

**Guys, thank you so much for all your reviews. I'm a little behind with replies but I promise to catch up soon.**

**One more later today! Ronnie.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

At a red light, I glance at my undergrad from my seat. Her eyes remain closed, but the color has returned to her face, and she is no longer frowning, so I think overall my geeky joke worked. Even though she is considerably pale, her cheeks are a lovely shade of pink, and there are freckles covering her nose and cheek bones.

The jerk behind me starts honking his horn at me because, apparently, I have to have my foot on the gas pedal as soon as the light is green.

_Asshole..._

We fall silent again, and I notice she's grabbing the wrist of her injured hand.

"Does it hurt?" I'm unable to hide the concern from my voice.

She nods and pouts the tiniest bit. Her lips are rosy and full. I almost miss a stop sign.

_God, I'm such a jerk._

This girl got hurt because of me and my attempt at being funny, and here I am thinking one lousy joke is going to make it all better.

I dig around in my brain for other jokes but come up blank.

"I don't know any more jokes, but in college I was a pro at geeky pickup lines," I offer, trying to distract us both. She smiles again, and my chest tightens with excitement for making her smile.

"This better be good," she warns teasingly.

"If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase, so I could unzip your genes."

"Oh my God," she snorts. "Did you use that on anybody?"

"Maybe," I hint.

"Did it work?"

"No," I say honestly, and I'm the one chuckling now, but she still has her eyes closed and she only grins at my lame pickup line. I decide I won't stop until she opens her eyes. "Oh, oh!" I know how to make her laugh. "Do you like The Police?"

"The police?" She frowns.

"Yeah…"

"As in the profession?"

"No, you dork. The band. Sting's band?"

"Oh, yeah. I guess." She gives me a tiny shrug with her eyes shut.

Against my better judgment, I clear my throat and start singing. "Every bond you break... Every electron you take..." She finally opens her eyes and stares at me. I glance back at her and waggle my eyebrows, making her smile broadly. "Oh can't you seeeeeee, you're covalently bonded to meeee..." And so I continue singing, because I have never seen anything prettier than her smile.

_How did I not notice her smile before?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Yeah... that just happened. What can I say? I'm surrounded by dorks everyday! ;)**

**DNA Helicase is an actual enzyme which, literally, separates the two strands of DNA... unzips genes, get it? get it? I know, scientists should not be aloud to make jokes.**

**"Every Breath You Take" belongs to Sting... "Every Bond You Break" belongs to an anonymous dork out there. ;)**

**Hit that review button and let me know how you feel about Bitterward! Do you have a soft spot for him yet?**

**See you guys tomorrow. Ronnie.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

We arrive at the University's Medical Center in less than ten minutes as I expected. I park the car and get out to help my injured undergrad, but when I reach her door, she's already stumbling out. I catch her before she falls on her face— or worse, on her hand.

In all honesty, I'm a little annoyed that she thought I wouldn't help her get out. I mean, I know my actions might have not showed her this thus far, but I _am _a gentleman.

"Can you walk?" I ask with my hand still around her elbow, as I close the door of the car.

"I think so," she says softly. She still doesn't look completely recovered, so I keep my hand around her arm— steadying her— and help her walk into the emergency entrance.

When we walk inside, I'm relieved to see there's not a lot of people there. In theory, my undergrad will receive attention quickly— but you never know at teaching hospitals.

"Hello," I say to the front desk lady, whose attention is devoted to her computer's screen. She looks up at me with a bored expression and doesn't reply to my greeting, automatically earning my dislike. "She cut her hand, and it looks deep," I say to her, gesturing with my hand to the wobbly girl next to me.

"Name?" the unsympathetic lady asks, and I freeze.

_Goddammit…_

I'm pretty sure the front desk lady doesn't mean _my_ name. I can't believe that after all this time, I still can't get her name right.

_How could I have forgotten her name again? It starts with a B, doesn't it?_

I want to say Beth, but that's probably not it. So I stall, and the front desk lady raises her eyebrows at me before she turns to look at my undergrad.

"Isabella Swan," says the shaky sweet voice next to me.

_God, I'm such an idiot!_

I want to punch myself in the gut.

I look at her— at Isabella— and even though she's shaking her head at me, the corner of her mouth is up in a little grin, so I think—I hope— I am forgiven.

_Isabella, Isabella, Isabella… I am never going to forget that._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Maybe he should write it down.**

**Another one coming later today. R.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I am certain that the "doctor" who is attending Isabella is not really a doctor yet. He said the cut wasn't deep, and it hadn't compromised any tendons or nerves. He even said it was clean enough that it could be glued, because apparently, they do that with wounds now.

I don't know… I still don't trust him.

Isabella has her eyes closed—clutching my hand— while Doogie Howser cleans her wound. She's sitting on the examination table with Doogie in front of her and her injured hand on a tray table. During the turmoil of her injury and me taking care of it afterward, her ponytail became loose and now sits low at the nape of her neck. As I stand behind her, I begin to wonder what her would look like when it's down and flowing loosely.

"Isabella," I whisper in her ear. I want to say her name as much as possible so I never forget it again. "Breathe through your mouth. It will help."

I linger around her neck, unable to get away.

I can't find words to describe how she smells. I remember noticing it when I held her close as I cleaned her hand in the sink. I was too preoccupied to truly enjoy it then, but in the confines of this ER room, I can't escape it.

Isabella smells good and different and fresh, like when you open your window in the morning. Her scent takes me back to happier times...

I'm still bent over Isabella, one hand over hers, while with the other one I'm holding myself up on the examination table. Every time she flinches, I want to punch Doogie in the face. I know it probably wouldn't help to give the "doc" a black eye— he might even do a crappier job then. I just can't stand to watch her in pain.

I want to ask the nurse if there's someone else who can take care of Isabella, but I am afraid to leave her alone. So I suppress my urge to hit Doogie and stay behind her to hold her hand— trying to help in any way that I can.

When Doogie is done, he bandages Isabella's hand while she sighs in relief and releases the death grip she had on my hand. I reluctantly step away from her, taking a deep breath myself.

I'm still tense, hating the fact that she got hurt, but relieved that it all seems to be taken care of. I am also surprised by how well she held herself together, despite her dislike for blood. I decide to add brave to the list of things Isabella is.

_There's more to Isabella than I've given her credit for._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: He's starting to notice, guys. What do you think?**

**I'm curious to know, who thinks he should fess up about the autoclave prank? Who thinks he will? ;)**

**For those of you who don't know, Doogie Howser was a 16-year-old MD from a TV show in the early 90s.**

**I'll see you all tomorrow. Ronnie.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

"Listen, I'm really sorry," I say once we are back in the car.

"It's okay. It's not your fault I'm such a klutz." She looks at me with a smile — a ravishing smile— making me feel guiltier by the second.

"So, what happened?" I ask tentatively. I'm hoping that, by some miracle, it wasn't actually my fault.

"I was carrying a rack of test tubes, when that thing started shooting vapor out. I got scared. I thought it was going to explode or something! So, I dropped the tubes and cut my hand trying to pick them up," she said, embarrassed, looking down at her hands.

_I knew it..._

"Shit..." I bang my head on the steering wheel.

"Hey, stop." Her hand reaches up to my shoulder. "You couldn't possibly have known that thing was going to start leaking, right?" I peek at her guiltily from the steering wheel, and she stares at me. "You did know, didn't you?" She drops her hand from my shoulder as she realizes what an asshole I am.

"Isabella, I'm so sorry," I say earnestly, trying to convey how much I hate myself for causing her to get injured.

"You're unbelievably cruel!" Her eyebrows turn up as she stares at me angrily.

She's right, but I try explaining anyway. "There wasn't any risk of you getting hurt by it. The door just leaks a little vapor. I was going to close it for you after you got frightened. It was a stupid joke. You were not supposed to get hurt."

"Well, excuse me for ruining your prank." She rolls her eyes and turns her face away from me.

_Sarcasm. Lovely._

"I am truly sorry. Can you forgive me?" My eyes are still on her even though she's not looking at me anymore.

"Whatever, Edward." She shrugs. "Can we just please go back to the lab?"

"The lab?"

"Yeah. I still have to prepare everything for my experiment." When she turns to look at me, her eyes still show anger.

"Don't worry about it. I'll just take you home. You can start over next week."

"But I'll get even more behind."

"You're not behind, Isabella." I give her a little smile and hope it doesn't look like a grimace. "You're doing great, really. Please, just let me take you home."

"My bag is still at the lab," she says stubbornly, with one eyebrow raised at me.

I take a deep breath and reply as nicely as I am able to. "Okay. We'll go get it, and then I'll drive you home."

"Okay. Fine." She huffs in irritation and looks out the window.

I want to tell her that she's acting like a child, but I refrain. I suspect teasing her at this moment is not going to help my case, so I decide to quietly drive instead.

_Now, how do I make this better?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: He wants to make it better. Any advice?**

**Surprisingly, not all of you thought he should fess up right away. Hmmmmmm... interesting. ****A thousand virtual gummy bears to the ones who guessed he was going to! :)**

**One more coming later. Ronnie.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

"Stay here. I'll be right back," I say to Isabella after I park in front of the research building.

"This is really not necessary, Edward. I'm fine."

"Isabella, can you please, just for once, not contradict me?"

"I never contradict you!"

I glare at her until she realizes that she just did. She gives me a small smile as I get out of the car.

I rush to the lab to get her bag and notice Jane is there now. On impulse, I decide to warn her about the mess in the autoclave room.

"Jane?" She is at her bench. She turns to me with an incredulous look, as if I've never said a word to her before. Which now that I think about it, I probably haven't, at least not unless I was spoken to first. "There's a big mess in the autoclave room. I'll be right back to clean it."

"And you are telling me this, why?"

"There's a bunch of glass... I-I don't know. My undergrad, she dropped the tubes. I-" Jane is still staring at me, confused, as if I'm speaking to her in Mandarin or something. "Never mind." I turn on my heels.

"How's that for a change? First you have her doing your chores and now you're cleaning after her," Jane says from behind me.

I turn back to look at her smug face and I just know— she's the one who told Aro that I had Bella doing chores. I debate for a second whether to confront her about it or not. The truth is, the fact that she told Aro doesn't seem to hold importance to me anymore. I have bigger, more important things waiting for me downstairs, so I just turn around and leave.

When I get back in the car, Isabella is looking at me, one eyebrow raised, holding a CD case.

I feel a pang of uneasiness creep within me when I realize it's my mom's CD.

"Really, Edward?" She smiles broadly. "The Carpenters? Okay, cool." She puts the CD case back in the glove box and shrugs.

She's teasing me— smiling at me. That's good. That means she must have forgiven me, right?

My eyes remain on her face and her smile. She really does have a beautiful smile, and her whole face joins in the display. It is truly remarkable I hadn't noticed it before. I wonder how many other things I've missed.

"Are you okay?" Isabella's voice snaps me out of my trance as I realize I've been staring at her. I clear my throat, mumble something, and ask her where she lives. Then I just drive.

_Get it together, Cullen. She's just an undergrad._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: I don't think anyone guessed it was Jane who told Aro. Most of you thought it was Emmett. :)**

**That's it for today. Hit that pretty blue button and let me know what you think. **

**I know I say this a lot, but thank you for all your reviews! They make this so much fun! And to the new people that signed up for alerts: HI! *waves***

**See you all tomorrow. R.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I turn the engine off as we get to Isabella's building. I don't know why, but my chest is still tight. I guess I'm still pissed that she got injured, but my anger is mostly directed at myself. I don't think I'll feel better until I know she's safe and sound in her apartment.

"Are you still dizzy?"

"I think I'm all right now." She turns to look at me with a small grin on her face.

_Would it be weird if I walked her to her door? Do guys still do that?_

I haven't been on a date in years. I don't know what guys do these days.

_What the hell am I thinking? This isn't a fucking date._

She doesn't look a hundred percent yet. I could carry her bag. That would help, right?

I get out of the car, and she gives me a confused look when I open her door.

"I'll feel better once I know you're safe inside."

"I'm fine. You don't hav-"

"Please, humor me."

She takes my hand and stumbles out of the car. I grab the backpack, and we walk inside.

With a hand on her doorknob, she turns to look at me. Her eyes are brown and bright, and so, so beautiful.

"I'll see you Tuesday then," I tell her, handing the bag to her.

"Yes. Tuesday." She peeks at me through her long eyelashes. "Not Monday." Her lips turn up in a little grin, and I am lost in the beauty of her smile and how her eyes crinkle when she does. "You know why not Monday?" I'm still looking at her lips, so I have no idea what she's talking about. "Because rainy days and Mondays always get me down."

_Great..._ _She's making fun of me._

I take a deep breath and tear my eyes from her lips with a snort. "You're such a dork, Isabella. How long have you been waiting to say that?"

"Too long." She giggles. "You can call me Bella, by the way. Just not Becca, please."

"Okay," I concede with a smile. "Good night, _Bella_."

I go back to my car, and when I look at my reflection in the window, I'm surprised to see I'm grinning like a fucking moron. I frown as I get inside, but before I drive away, I get my mom's CD out of the glove box, put it on, and start humming to the song.

_Why do birds suddenly appear… every time… you are near?_

I slam on the breaks and press the eject button.

_Holy shit, what the fuck is wrong with me?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: He called her Bella! *applause***

**"Rainy Days and Mondays" and "Only You" belong to The Carpenters.**

**See you in a bit. Ronnie.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Thankfully, when I get back to the lab, Jane is gone.

I start cleaning up the autoclave room. I pick up the shards of glass and mop the blood from the floor. I find Bella's la-la-lab coat next to the sink. It doesn't look that festive anymore; instead, it now resembles something you'd wear as a Halloween costume.

_Shit…_She loves this ridiculous thing, and now it's ruined.

Without thinking, I'm washing the stupid lab coat. I try everything, even bleach. When I'm done, the blood stains are gone, but so are all the bacteria drawings she had on it.

_Fuck my life..._

When Emmett calls, I tell him the chances of me making it to Rose's party are slim. I tell him I'm stuck in the lab and still have a long way to go.

What I don't tell him is that I've spent at least two hours using my Sharpies to draw freaking bacteria on a lab coat which now looks like a three-year-old's art project. I also don't tell him that I'm not only doing my experiment, but starting Bella's as well.

After taking a good look at the now ruined-beyond-repair lab coat, I decide there's no way I can give it to Bella. I ponder on whether to get rid of it or not, but for some reason, it feels wrong to do so. I mean, I just spent two hours drawing on the stupid thing. So I just wrap it in a plastic bag, stick it under my desk, and try to forget it even existed in the first place.

I leave the lab after two in the morning, and even though I'm tired, when I get home, sleep doesn't find me.

My head is overflowing with thoughts, which isn't out of the ordinary for this time of the day. I'm usually going over my experiments trying to see if I missed something, or through the list of what I'll do tomorrow… But tonight, my experiments are barely there in the background. All I can think about is Bella, how she got hurt because of me, and how— even if she should have been incredibly angry with me— she wasn't. Somehow she's bigger than this. She's bigger than me.

_God, I've been such an asshole. _

Images of Bella haunt me all night. The way she smiled at my lame joke. The way she giggled at my dreadful version of "Every Breath You Take." I don't think I've ever sang to anybody, not since being forced by my mom to sing The Carpenters with her. I smile at the thought as I turn in my bed.

I don't have to be such a dick to Bella— I don't want to anymore. It's not her fault graduate school sucks. If anything, her presence in the lab has actually made it better. I think I could try lightening up a bit… maybe we could both learn something out of this? Or maybe I should just stick to trying not to be a dick. No, I definitely want to be nicer to her. I want to make her smile.

_I want to make her smile?_

First The Carpenters and now this?

_When did I turn into such a marshmallow?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: From Bitterward to Marshmalloward in 26 little chapters.**

**What do you think? I apologize if Edward's brain is giving you whiplash. He's all over the place at the moment. ;)**

**You all had very interesting advice for Bitterward and how to make it better. I don't think anyone included washing and re-drawing her la-la-lab coat ;) Speaking of la-la-lab coats, I found this last night bit(.)ly/JOTFz7 it's not exactly what I had in mind... but it comes very close!**

**I hope you all have a good night and I'll see you tomorrow morning.**

**Ronnie.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Monday night, Emmett and I are taking turns on the bench press. He's on the bench, and I'm standing behind him, when I see Bella on the treadmill. Her hair is up in a ponytail that swings from side to side as she jogs. My eyes trail down her back, and I notice she's wearing very tiny black shorts.

_Oh God…_

I swallow hard.

The shorts hug her ass in a delicious way— they dent in the middle, and I can trace the contour of her round, tight ass cheeks.

I barely detect Emmett is yelling at me.

"Dude! Hold the bar, would ya?"

Once I help him with the weights, Emmett sits and wipes his face and neck with the towel.

I try — I try really hard— not to let him know what's going on, but my eyes are glued to Bella's behind, and he notices it… of course he notices it.

"What is it?" He peeks at me, smiling—he already knows what _it _is— and then his eyes trail back to Bella.

_Shit..._

"Nothing," I say, but my voice cracks. I clear my throat and give up. I'm a terrible liar. There's no way I'm getting away with this one. "That's... um... that's my undergrad."

"_That's _your undergrad?" Emmett vociferates.

"Shut up," I hiss.

_Why does he always have to be so boisterous!_

"She's your undergrad?" he asks in a much lower tone.

"Yes. I don't know why she's here. This is the first time I've seen her here." I tear my eyes from Bella and run a hand through my hair, trying to compose myself.

"You're kidding, right?" Emmett turns to look at me with an incredulous expression on his face.

"What?"

"She's here all the time! I've pointed her out to you. She's always looking at you." Emmett gets up from the bench and walks around it to stand next to me.

"Wha-at?" My voice cracks again with disbelief as I stare at Emmet and he shakes his head at me.

"I'm telling you, man. It's like you're blind." He pats my back and gestures it's my turn on the bench.

My eyes fly to Bella again. She's still running on the treadmill— her ass bouncing up and down.

_Could Emmett be right? Has she been here before? _

I look around at the rest of the people in the gym. I don't recognize anyone. Not a single one of them looks familiar to me. I am here virtually every fucking day— surely I'd be able to remember someone, right? Well, I don't.

_I must be blind after all.  
_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: I'm a little behind on reviews replies, but I've read all of them!**

**Another chapter coming tonight! Ronnie.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I'm still standing like a moron, ogling Bella, hypnotized by the way her leg muscles flex as she runs. I am fighting hard to will my body to get out of this place before I do something stupid.

My body is reacting to Bella in a way that it hasn't reacted to anyone in a long time. As if she can feel it, her head turns slightly in my direction, and when her eyes meet mine, she falters on the treadmill but luckily grabs the bars before she falls.

I don't realize I am walking toward her, until I am right beside the treadmill, and she lowers the speed on it.

Her chest moves up and down as she pants. A bead of sweat runs from her neck, over her collarbone, and disappears between the peaks of her breasts, taking my train of thought with it. I don't know what I'm doing, or why I am standing next to her treadmill, staring at her tits. I close my eyes and try to take a deep breath, and she clears her throat.

When I open my eyes, she's looking at me with flushed cheeks.

"Hi," is all I am able to say.

"Hi?" She stops the machine all together and looks at me with raised eyebrows— the corners of her mouth turning up in a little grin. "Who are you and what did you do to my bitter grad student?"

"W-what?" My voice cracks, for the third time today, and I'm suddenly contemplating if one can go through puberty twice in life.

"You never say hi to me."

"So, you've seen me here before?"

She rolls her eyes before answering. "Yes."

"Well, I'm saying hi now. So, hi."

"Hi…" She giggles and I think I groan.

I hate this. I hate the effect she's having on me. I hate not having control over my dick, which is threatening to go full hard-on on me— right here, right now— as if I'm fucking teenager.

I hate not having control, period.

"How's your hand?" I ask through clenched teeth, willing my eyes to stay on hers and not to notice the other drops of sweat that continue to run from her neck.

"It's fine," she says and proceeds to show me her bandaged hand, turning it around. She continues speaking, but I'm no longer paying attention.

Everything she's doing is turning me on. The way she moves her lips. The way she tucks her hair behind her ear. How she dries her neck with the towel.

I need to get out of here before my situation starts to get even more uncomfortable. So I interrupt her, give her a shaky good-bye, and storm out of the gym.

_What is happening to me?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: It seems like Bitterward has fully awakened! and apparently so has his... er... well, you get the point.**

**Let me know what you guys think!**

**See you tomorrow! R.**


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I run home. I don't walk, I don't jog— I run. I was hoping it would help me burn off some steam, but it's not working, and I'm still hard when I arrive.

It has been too long since I've been with a woman— four years since I broke up with Tanya—and even before that, I had never felt in so little control of myself as today.

It's just... It's been too long. That's it. That's all.

I can't get Bella out of my head— her freckles, her smile, her eyes— even those bangs that used to annoy the hell out of me, now seem to complement her face so beautifully.

I storm through my apartment as I strip off my sweat-drenched clothes.

Where is this coming from all of the sudden? I've known Bella for weeks! Why am I only noticing her now? This doesn't make any sense.

I haven't been with someone in so long… It has got to be that. Now Bella is everywhere— she's in _my_ lab; she's in _my_ gym, smelling like a deliciously fresh morning and messing with my head.

How is it possible that she has gotten under my skin so suddenly? Why can't I think straight?

I groan as I step in the shower and let the warm water run over my body.

_She's a baby for fuck's sake!_

She has got to be what, nineteen, twenty? She probably can't even drink yet!

_I've reached a new low_, I decide, banging my head on the shower wall.

It feels like it was just yesterday that I was disgusted by the idea of James going after her. And now? Now I'm no better than James. I probably had pervert written all over my face as I ogled her while she worked out.

_How's that for irony?_

God, I hope I don't see her again at the gym. That is going to be distracting, and possibly dangerous.

_For fuck's sake, she's my undergrad!_

That has got to be against some rule, right? There must be a non-fraternization policy, right?

_God, I hope there isn't one._

This is so wrong. I shouldn't be thinking this way.

None of it matters though— I'm still fantasizing it's _her _hands and not mine that are stroking me right now.

_When did I become such a perv?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Did I mention he's all over the place?**

**One more later today! Happy weekend!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I'm in a foul mood. I don't know why. I just am. I know I'll probably regret having lunch with Emmett today, but I'm still hoping that by some miracle, he didn't notice my odd behavior at the gym last night.

"What the fuck happened to you yesterday?" Emmett greets me as soon as I come in the lunch room.

_I see... no miracle for me today._

"Nothing. Why?" I try futilely at nonchalance as I put my food in the microwave.

"_Nothing_? So you almost kill me, run to talk to the zygote, and then storm out. That seems normal to you?"

I shrug.

"We were supposed to have drinks with Rose and her friend with the big tits." He motions with his hands on his chest depicting gigantic breasts.

"Listen, you and Rosalie need to stop setting me up with her friends."

"Why? When did you take a vow of celibacy?"

"I'm not in the mood for this today, Emmett." I grab my food and flop on the chair.

"Is it because of the zygote?" He asks, with food still in his mouth.

"No," I say calmly. "And her name is Bella, by the way."

"OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD. It is! You are Jonesing for her?" Emmett shoots up from his chair and points at me with his fork. His eyes are bulging out of their sockets, like this is the biggest surprise of his life.

"What? NO!"

"Dude, you remembered her name!" he says— like that's supposed to mean something— as he sits next to me.

"Emmett, what does that ha—"

"Oh, man. Oh, man. This is good... like, really, really good." He's grinning at me like an idiot — like a boisterous, over-the-top idiot.

"Emmett, please. Just for one fucking day…" I rub my fingers on my forehead, trying to relax. I'm confused and tense as it is; there's no need to add Emmett's theories to the mix.

"Okay, okay..." He continues to eat, glancing at me from time to time. "So, when's Alice coming?" he asks, smirking, and I just glare at him.

So I remembered the girl's name— that hardly means anything. Haven't I been working with her for weeks now? I'm not stupid; I can remember a simple name. I don't care what Emmett or Alice thinks. This is nothing. This doesn't mean anything.

Except it does… I am painfully aware that Bella —not the girl, or the undergrad, or the zygote, but Bella— will be in the lab when I return. And I am not only aware of it— I'm looking forward to it. I want to see her, and her smile. I want to hear her giggle.

_I want to hear her giggle?_

_Jesus Fucking Christ, I need to get a grip on myself._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: ****Bella is back in lab next chapter. Who says she gets her la-la-lab coat back?**

**For those of you wondering, we are half way through the story. :)**

**The amazing everywheresky made an awesome banner for this story bit(.)ly/M4uZTK Is she great or what?**

**Also, special thanks to ****Jax713, my pre-reader and friend, who can channel Emmett like no one else!**

**See you tomorrow. Ronnie.**


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

My bad mood vanishes as soon as I see Bella sitting at my bench. She's scribbling on her notepad, her hair loose and falling over her shoulder onto the bench. That would have bothered me— should have bothered me— except her hair looks bright and soft, and all I want to do is get my hands in it.

_Okay… I've really lost it now._

And my bad mood is back.

"I can't find my lab coat," she says as she ties her hair up.

I'm suddenly pissed at the laboratory safety rules which dictate that Bella needs to have her hair tied back. I find myself considering what kind of project I could give her where she wouldn't need to work near the flame and thus could have her hair down all the time.

"Do you know where it could be?"

I've lost track of what she is saying, so I stare at her blankly.

"My lab coat?" she repeats.

Oh, right… the la-la-lab coat.

_Shit…_

"Let me get you a new one. That one was all covered in blood."

"No, it's fine. I'll wash it."

"We have lab coats here, Bella— new ones. I'll get you one," I say, walking past her.

She stops me, grabbing me by the elbow.

"Please, can I have my old one back?" She stares up at me and releases the full force of her eyes on me.

Embarrassment over having to tell her what I really did rises in me, so I choose to lie. "I threw it away." Of course, with Bella, I should have known it wasn't going to be that easy to convince her.

"What? Why?" She releases my elbow, but her eyes remain on mine.

"It was covered in blood!" My voice comes out a little louder than I mean to in my exasperation.

"I could have washed it!" she snaps back, as her stare turns to a glare.

"I'm going to get you a new one."

"I don't want a new one. Is this one of your cruel jokes? Because if it is, please, I would really, really like my lab coat back. It means a lot to me." Her expression changes from anger to sadness, and her eyes start to fill with tears— like I just killed her fucking puppy.

My chest constricts in realization that I'm making her cry, so with a sigh, I confess. "Okay, I didn't get rid of it."

"Oh thank God." She breathes out in relief and closes her eyes.

"But... I tried to wash it, and the bloodstains wouldn't come out. I thought it would be a good idea to use bleach. And it was. I mean, it got rid of the bloodstains, but it also erased your drawings."

"Oh no..." Her eyes shoot open at my last words.

"I'm sorry. Can I please get you a new one?" I try a soft tone, to get her to agree with me and move past this. I never want to think of that lab coat again.

"I would really prefer to have my old one back," she insists, crossing her arms over her chest, her eyes glued on mine. "Even without the drawings."

_Jesus fucking Christ!_

_Why does she have to be so difficult?_

"You're not gonna let this go, are you?" I groan. She is staring at me intently— defiantly— but doesn't answer. "Fuck..." I reach under my desk for the bag her lab coat's in, and I hand it to her awkwardly.

_I should have burned the damn thing._

She gasps when she gets the stupid thing out.

"Oh my gosh!" Her lips make an "o" as she turns it around and inspects the little shapes that took me hours to draw. When she looks at my pathetic attempt of re-writing "Bacteria Rule" on the back of the lab coat, she giggles.

_How can I keep up with her?_

She went from annoyed to crying to livid to fucking giggling!

"You... did you do this?" She glances up at me— her eyelashes still wet— making my chest tighten.

"Yeah, it looks even more stupid now. Didn't think _that_ was possible. Would you please let me get you a new one?"

"Oh no. I'm wearing this one," she says, getting her arms in the sleeves.

"Please say you're kidding."

"What? It's perfect!" she chirps, buttoning it closed, smiling broadly at me.

Even if she's wearing that god-awful thing, and she just annoyed me and contradicted me to no end, all I want to do is get her face between my hands and kiss her senseless. It doesn't make any sense— I can't possibly comprehend it.

_I really must have lost it now._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: She got her la-la-lab coat back! :)**

**Another one coming later today.**


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

"So, what's on the agenda for today, Boss?" Bella clicks her pen as she opens her notebook.

"Don't call me Boss."

"Okay, Grumpy, what are we doing today?" She smiles at me from the bench.

She's trying to be funny. She knows she's getting on my nerves. "Here." I hand her the list with the day's activities. "Try not to mess up this time, _Becca_."

She grabs the list from my hands with a pout, and I try to make my real smile seem fake— it takes talent.

She examines the list and frowns. "I thought I was starting from scratch."

"You are."

"But you did all of these steps already." She points her finger to the first steps on the protocol.

"I was bored Saturday." I try for a casual tone, hoping she won't think too much of it.

Her eyes fly from the list to mine, and she stares at me in awe. "You started my experiment for me?"

The way she's looking at me is making me uncomfortable. I can't find my wit or think of a snarky comeback, so I settle for just ignoring the whole thing.

"You better get cracking, Swan. There's a seminar at four I want to go to."

Her eyes remain on mine for a couple more seconds until she shakes her head and turns her attention back to her notebook, and I can finally relax.

Bella and I start to work. I can see her peeking at me from time to time, and I know— I just know— I've said or done too much. I have no clue of what I'm feeling or what it is she's doing to me, but I don't want her to get the wrong idea.

"What's the seminar about?" Bella asks as we carry the bottles of growth media to the incubators.

"I don't know." I step in the incubator room and hold the door open for her.

"Then why are you going?" She squats in front of the small incubator and starts putting the bottles in it.

"Free food." I shrug.

"Seriously?" She peeks up at me from the floor.

"Bella…" I extend my hand to help her up. "_If _you go to grad school, you'll learn to appreciate the majesty of free food."

Once she's up, she lets go of my hand with a huff. "_When _I go to grad school, I'll enjoy the seminars, even if there's no free food." She crosses her arms over her chest and lifts up her chin proudly.

"Right..." I turn around and start walking back to our bench.

"So, can I come?" Her voice comes out shyly behind me.

"You want to come to the seminar?" I turn to her skeptically.

"Hells to the yeah!"

I suppress a snort. "Why?"

"I might learn something."

"Okay. You can come, but the la-la-lab coat stays."

She wants to come to the seminar with me.

_This should be interesting… _

_First time I'm glad to have a tagalong for a seminar._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: If you want graduate students to attend any kind of event, just add FREE FOOD on the subject of your email. They will come. ;)**

**That's it for today! Hope you had a great weekend!**

**Ronnie.**


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

**Special thanks to Jada P. for helping with the names.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Bella and I walk together to the seminar. For the ten minutes that it takes us to get there, I only get in a couple ums and uhs while she rambles non-stop about all the reasons she's excited to go to grad school.

When we get to the seminar room, she shakes her head at me while I pile food on my plate.

We find our places, and I sink down into my seat to avoid hearing complaints from the people behind me. Bella sits eagerly next to me. She seems nervous and fidgety, so I decide to try to ease up the tension and fill her in on all the characters of the department.

"The one with the sweater vest is Prof. Waylon." I gesture with my head in his direction. Bella seems surprised at first that I'm speaking to her but turns to look where I'm indicating anyway. "He has a serious case of narcolepsy. He sleeps through the whole talk— even snores sometimes— and then he just wakes up right on time to ask some questions, really hard, well thought out questions."

Bella is giggling, and I can't explain how happy that sound makes me.

"Then over there, with the red bow tie, is Dr. Amun-Kebi. Professor Emeritus. Brilliant guy— he discovered Quorum Sensing. He's crazy though, can't make eye contact and is always staring at the ceiling."

Bella snorts a little louder and covers her mouth on reflex.

"Stop!" she whispers, elbowing me.

"And then of course that's Aro over there, who always, _always_ wears a suit. He knows more adjectives than a thesaurus, but I believe his favorite one is _fascinating_."

I make my best impression of Aro's voice causing Bella to laugh and people to clear their throats behind us.

"Main point is, Bella, science makes you lose your mind. You've been warned." I wink at her.

"Oh, I think I can handle it," she says and winks back.

My laugh catches in my throat— stunned at her confidence and how at ease she seems to be with me. I don't deserve it. I've been nothing but an ass to her, and yet here she sits, laughing at my jokes.

When Aro starts introducing today's speaker, I turn my attention to the front of the room, and I can't help but snort when Bella takes out a note pad and starts taking notes throughout the talk.

…

Once we get back to lab, Bella still has some work to do because of the hour she spent at the seminar. She gets back to it, and I try my best to do as well. But I find myself distracted— my eyes keep wandering to where she is and what she's doing.

She finishes for the day, and she's scribbling on her notebook. I am done too— I have been for a while now, but I've been waiting for her to finish, so I don't leave her alone in the lab. Besides, I have nothing else to go home to.

She closes her notebook with a smack and turns to smile broadly at me.

"This is so exciting! I can't wait to see if it works this time."

"Yeah, you'll get over it."

"Have you always been such a grump? Or was there a time when you actually liked what you do?"

My eyes fly to hers. She's looking at me expectantly, waiting for my answer.

"I like what I do."

"Do you _love_ what you do?"

Her question stuns me into silence. I haven't thought about this for a while.

_Was there a time I was as eager as Bella about grad school?_

I can't really remember, so I decide to just avoid the question. "It's getting late, Bella. How are you getting home?"

"I'm walking."

"I'm walking too, let's go."

_I used to love what I do, didn't I?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Another one coming later. R.**


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

"Why did you decide to go to grad school?" Bella asks as we are walking to her apartment.

"Why does anyone?" I give her a little smirk to go with my cryptic remark.

"To make a difference in the world? To revolutionize the field? To make the greatest discovery in medicine?"

"That's very cute, Bella," I tease her.

"It's not _cute_. It's true."

"Is that why you want to go to grad school?"

"Yes. I mean, well, in part." She glances at me before she keeps going. "I've always wanted to help people, in a way. To make a difference. Since going to medical school is out of the question for me—"

"You'll get over the smell of blood, Bella."

"It's not just that. I get too attached to people. I'd rather be making my silent contribution from the lab." She smiles. "Plus, where would medicine be if it wasn't for science? They'd still be pouring hot oil in wounds!"

I chuckle. It's genuine and real, and it feels so good. "You're funny." The words escape my mouth, and before I realize it, my fingers are running down her arm, over the fabric of her hoodie, but it still feels intimate somehow. She stops walking and turns to face me. She is blushing, and her bottom lip is trapped between gnawing teeth.

I freeze and my hand drops at my side. I don't know why I just did that. That's got to be inappropriate.

"I've been called worse," she jokes and smiles, again seeming completely at ease with me.

I stick my hands in my pockets, and we continue to walk in silence until we reach her building.

"Do you live on campus too?" Bella asks, getting her keys out of her bag.

"No. I live in Portage Bay."

"Oh... we passed that already."

"I know."

She looks at me suspiciously, and I can just see the wheels in her brain turning. She's going to realize I'm being out of line —that I am the gross, old grad student going after the sweet, young undergrad— that I've turned into James. She's going to be repulsed, and it's going to ruin her experience in the lab.

"I know what you're doing," she starts, crossing her arms over her chest and staring at me accusingly.

_This is it… here it comes…_

"You feel guilty because I got hurt," she continues. "You feel responsible. But you really don't have to do any of this."

_Is that... is that what she thinks?_

"You think I'm walking you home out of guilt?" I snap back at her, anger boiling inside of me.

"I know you are."

"You don't know anything," I seethe and turn around to leave because I don't know if I can utter another word without saying too much.

"Edward, wait," I hear her say behind me.

_Keep walking… don't look back.  
_

I can't believe she would think I'm being nice to her out of guilt. I guess that's what I get for acting like such an asshole all of this time.

_God, she has no clue!_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: If you were Bella, wouldn't you be a little skeptic too?**

**I can't say this enough: THANK YOU SO MUCH! All of your reviews make my days happier!**

**That's it for today. See you all tomorrow. R.**


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Bella arrives at the lab on Wednesday morning a little earlier than usual, and I'm already here because I couldn't sleep last night. I make myself useful somewhere else so I don't have to look at her.

I am angry with her. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I can't help how I feel. It bothers me that she thought my nice gesture was out of guilt or remorse. I mean, I still feel like shit that she got injured because of me, but that doesn't mean I didn't want to walk her home last night, that I didn't enjoy her company, that yesterday wasn't the first time I ever had fun at a seminar…

I come back to lab briefly— to check on her— pretending to look for something in my desk drawer. Her eyes follow me from the bench. When I pass by her, to leave again, she grabs my elbow.

"Hey, I'm sorry about yesterday." She glances up at me with puppy dog eyes that melt my insides. Her fingers linger on my elbow, and even through my sweater, her touch is giving me goose bumps. "I didn't mean to assume things. It was nice of you to walk with me. Thank you." Her voice is no more than a whisper as she releases my arm and smiles timidly at me.

I'm overwhelmed again by the acute need to kiss her. I take a deep breath and painfully tear my gaze from her. As I turn my head, I am met with piercing blue eyes staring at me.

_What the fuck?_

I see Jane through the bottles on the top shelf of my bench, gawking at us suspiciously from her bench.

"You're welcome," I say dryly to Bella and leave the lab again to try to collect myself.

A couple minutes later, I find myself hiding in the media preparation room, cracking my knuckles over and over again.

_This is ridiculous!_

I pace in the room confused and angry. I hate this. I hate feeling this way. I need to get a grip on myself. I take a couple deep breaths, and when I finally think I've got it under control, I return to the lab.

To my surprise, I find James leaning on my bench, talking to Bella. Bella is looking at him, a timid smile on her face, while she twirls her fingers nervously.

My hands turn to fists in rage, and I approach them quickly.

"I'll see you Friday," James says to Bella before he turns around and walks past me, grinning.

_Did he just ask her out?_

I want to grab him by his ponytail and pull him down to the floor.

"What did he want?" I seethe at Bella.

"Nothing," she says innocently, turning her attention back to her notebook.

"Bella," I hiss, failing to calm myself. I'm tired and moody and fucking pissed. I have no patience for this shit today. "What did he want?"

"Nothing important," she clarifies, glancing up at me. Her eyes bore into mine as if she's trying to figure me out. My eyes are distracted by her bottom lip being sucked into her mouth under her teeth.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Why do I want to punch James until he bleeds?

Why do I want my teeth to be the ones biting her bottom lip?

I stare back at Bella who is still looking at me in confusion.

He asked her out. I can't fucking believe it. And she said yes… to him. What could she possibly see in James?

I don't know how long we stare at each other, but she's not backing down, and neither am I. My hands are fists at my sides, and I'm almost shaking from the effort of trying to stay still. Of course, when Jane comes back in the lab, we both snap out of it, and I take a step back as Bella sighs.

"Are you done?" I ask her coldly. "I need to use the bench."

Her eyes find mine, and a hurt look flashes through them before she composes herself. I know I'm being unnecessarily rude, but I just don't know how to be anything else right now.

I manage to grasp some control and get myself busy with work, but I don't relax fully until Bella leaves for the day.

_This is absurd! Why does she have such an effect on me? She's _just_ an undergrad! _

_I can't go on like this._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Oh boy, James is back. :/ Sneaky...**

**And, what's up with Lurker-Jane? What do you guys think?**

**See you a bit later. R.**


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

When Bella comes to lab Thursday afternoon, I avoid her as much as possible. I don't want to be a dick to her anymore, but I am beyond aggravated —I'm fucking pissed off. This James thing is making me insane, turning me into a crazy person. I try my best to keep my mouth shut so I don't say something to Bella I know I will regret. So I only give her instructions and respond to her questions with succinct answers. However, toward the end of the day, we get her sequencing results back, and I can't manage to ignore her anymore.

She grabs a chair and scoots next to me at my desk. I fire up the sequencing software as she opens up her notebook. My fingers are twitching on top of the mouse.

_She's so close. She's too close._

The software is taking forever, and I run a hand through my hair nervously, trying hard not to turn and look at her.

She's tapping her pen on her notebook.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

"Please, stop that," I groan in frustration, running a hand down my face.

She stops at once with a sigh. I am tempted to glance at her. I really don't want to be such an ass to her, but not being able to ignore her has me on edge. It seems like everything she does causes conflicting reactions within me. I am both extremely annoyed and immensely attracted to her at the same time.

_How in hell is that possible?_

Finally, the software loads, and when I open her file, Bella gasps.

_Sample 1. Ran well. Sample 2. Ran well... ran well, ran well, ran well... _

All fifty samples ran well.

Well, that's… impressive. I can't remember a time when _all _of my sequencing reactions ran well —there's always at least one or two that fail. It appears Bella has got some very skilled hands.

I turn to face her, the corner of my mouth threatening to turn up. She glances at me with raised eyebrows and eyes that are bursting out with joy and pride. Before I know it, she squeaks, her arms are around my neck, her hair is in my nose, and her tits are pressed on my chest. I can feel her warmth reaching through me, my face tilts instinctively into her neck, and it's all too much.

I shoot up from the chair, and her arms drop on her thighs.

"Sorry," she says and then giggles. She's profoundly blushing. "I'm just so happy! They all worked!"

I'm still in shock, my whole body tingling from having had her so close. The pull I feel toward her has multiplied exponentially to almost unbearable levels.

I struggle to calm down, taking deep breaths, while she stares at me quizzically.

"That's good," I say, trying to keep my voice even. I pull at my hair at the nape of my neck, just to give my hands something to do. "Good job."

The smile she gives me next is broad and sincere, and it breaks me in two.

I want her. I need her to hug me again. I crave to kiss her.

_God, I need help._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: O.O**

**What do you guys think? Is he about to snap or what? **

**Hit that pretty blue button and make my day! :)**

**More tomorrow. Ronnie.**


	37. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

You know those days when nothing works? When, if you would have stayed home, you'd be one step forward? Yeah, I'm having one of those days— a very shitty day indeed.

_At least it's Friday._

I have somehow managed to screw every single thing I tried to do this morning. I was, again, unable to get any sleep last night due to Bella assaulting my every thought. The fact that it is Friday and I don't get to see Bella today is both a relief and a curse. My lack of control around her is becoming a problem, but not being able to know if she's out with James today or not is going to torture me more. So I'm in a mood— a bitterer-than-usual mood.

When I get to the lunch room, Emmett is not there yet, and even the microwave is being a bitch. I'm angrily pressing its buttons, but the stupid thing won't start. I open and slam the door closed, and it's still not working. It's beeping in response, but nothing else is going on. I growl at it and bang my hand on its side.

"What did the microwave do to you?" a gruff voice asks from behind me. Based on the laughing manner in which the question is posed, I know it's Emmett, but I'm in no mood for jokes.

"Piece of shit is broken." I keep pressing the buttons without turning to face him.

Beep, beep, beep.

"Step away from the microwave," Emmett says loudly. With the touch of two buttons, he's warming up my food. "What's up your ass?"

"Nothing." I flop on the chair with a groan. "I'm just having a shitty day."

"Why?"

"It's just one of those days..."

"You don't wanna wake up? 'Everything's fucked and everybody sucks'?" With two fingers, he turns his baseball cap backwards and starts rapping and bobbing his head to the song.

"Yeah, Emmett. Quote Limp Bizkit. Like that's going to help." I stop him before he continues singing, or worse, dancing.

"Dude, you _are _in a mood. What happened?" Emmett looks at me in concern while he gets his food from the fridge.

"Nothing." I get up from the chair to take my Tupperware out of the microwave. "My PCR didn't work," I give him, and he laughs at me.

"Bullshit, dude. I've known you for four years. You're not in _that _mood due to a failed PCR. What gives?" Once he has his food heating up, he turns to face me and crosses his arms over his chest.

I don't know why am I even considering telling him the truth. I guess part of me really wants to get it off my chest.

"If I tell you, can you at least _try _to be a grown-up about it?"

"Mature is my middle name." His usually infectious grin is only making me frown.

I know I'm going to regret this, but the words come out anyway. "It's Bella."

"I knew it! I fucking knew it!"

I cover my face with my hands as he moves to the chair next to me. "What happened?" he whispers.

"She's... I'm... shit."

_What can I say, really?_

"I was right," Emmett probes.

"Yes."

"You're Jonesing."

_I wouldn't put it that way but_… "Yes."

"Bro, that's good. She's hot."

I side-eye him, my hand still holding my forehead. "She's beautiful. She's also going out with James."

"JAMES?" Emmett can't help himself, and his voice resounds in the little room. I bet people could hear him from the hallway.

"Jesus Fucking Christ, Emmett!" I hiss. "Can you please keep your voice down?"

"Sorry," he whispers. "James fucking Douchewand?"

"Yes..." I take a deep breath and sink lower into the chair. "And, above all, she's my fucking undergrad."

"Puh-lease, who cares?"

"I'm at least five years older than her."

"The younger the better." Emmett waggles his eyebrows.

"You're disgusting."

"Stop your brooding, dude. Douchewand's got nothing on you. Go get your girl. She's a fine piece of ass, in my opinion. And, she was always checking you out at the gym like I told you a thousand times."

Bella checking me out? Yeah right… I should have known Emmett was going to say something like that. Sometimes he's worse than Alice. I decide I don't care what Emmett thinks or what delusional theories he has.

This has got to stop.

_Bella is my undergrad. That's all she is. That's all she'll ever be. At least that's what I have to keep telling myself._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Oh, he's Jonesing, all right.**

**If you love Emmett like I do, show your love to my Jaxy-Love (****Jax713)... she owns him!**

******Also, you guys already know that Mel (****mcc101180) is my rockstar beta and she has made this incredibly prettier and easier to read for you. However, I do have a tendency of adding stuff right before I post... so any remaining mistakes are completely my own!**


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Happy Hour: a pathetic excuse for the people in this building to interact. It doesn't last one hour, and happy wouldn't exactly be my choice of adjective to describe it either. The term makes no sense, but at least there's beer— _free _beer.

Emmett and Rosalie are not here yet, so I'm in the corner, chugging from that red cup like there's no tomorrow. When they finally arrive, I've downed four of those suckers.

"You're here before us. That's weird," Rosalie says as they approach me.

"Thank you for the observation, Captain Obvious."

"What's his problem?" Rosalie asks Emmett, bitchfacing me.

"He's in a mood." Emmett hands me another red cup, which I start chugging immediately.

"Why?" Rosalie's tone is whiny, like I'm annoying her. Well, she can fucking leave for all I care.

"Lady problems," Emmett responds before I can stop him.

"_Edward_ has lady problems?" Rosalie arches her eyebrows at him in disbelief.

"I'm standing right here!" My voice is louder than I meant it to be, but I'm fucking pissed. They always do this. They talk about me as if I'm not around— I hate it.

"So you like a girl, Edward. That's hardly the end of the world. I mean, this self-imposed celibacy was bound to end someday. I just wish I knew who she is, and what she has that my friends don't." Of course Rosalie would make this about herself… or her friends.

"It's not just a girl. It's his undergrad," Emmett announces, unable to keep anything to himself.

"You old perv!" Rosalie smiles, smacking me on my chest.

"I'm going to get fired." I tip my cup back for the last drops of free beer.

"No, you won't, you drama queen." Rosalie waves her hand dismissively at me. "It happens all the time! PIs hit on post docs, post docs on graduate students, grads on undergrads. What world do you live in?"

"It's like a jungle." Emmett chuckles.

"Shut up, Emmett," Rosalie snaps. "Good news is, now that there's this girl, you can stop with the emo bitterness. It's really getting old."

"Fuck you, Rose."

"Hey, hey now," Emmett intercedes and grabs my arm. "Let's go get another round."

When we come back, I'm still pissed at Rosalie. I've been planning my witty comeback since we walked away from the table. However, standing upright is taking most of my concentration, so my comeback isn't as effective as I'd hoped.

"For your information, Rosalie, _this girl _has a name. Her name is Becca. Shit. No, it...it's Bella! Dammit!" The heel of my hand connects with my forehead with a smack.

"She must be something special, Edward. You don't even know her name."

"Baby, stop. He's drunk, and he's had a shitty day."

"Why?"

"'Cause Bella is out with James," Emmett explains.

"Douchewand?" Rosalie sounds surprised, and they resume their conversation about me, as if I'm not here.

I stop listening and groan into my cup as I chug it down.

It's true though. I know it. James is with Bella tonight. That's the only possible explanation why he's missing happy hour for the first time since our first year. He is probably taking her to dinner and then drinks. Maybe she gets tipsy, and he holds her hand to steady her. He'll kiss her before she gets out of the car. I just know it. Maybe she invites him in, to her apartment. No, she wouldn't. Would she? He totally would sleep with her if she lets him.

God, I'm getting nauseated just thinking about it.

_Out of all the undergrads in the department, fucking James Douchewand had to go after mine!_

_I hope Bella gets drunk and pukes all over him.  
_  
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Oh, Drunk Bitterward... he's fun to write. :)**

**PI: Principal Investigator of the lab, aka the boss.**

**Post-doc: PhD graduate doing post doctoral research before he/she apply for a faculty position.**

**More tomorrow!**

**Not to guilt trip you or anything, but if you read and don't click the blue button, the poor little thing feels left out... like it's not meeting its life purpose. Now, you don't want to make LittleBlueButton sad, do you?**


	39. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

_Worst. Hangover. Ever._

Well, not really, but pretty close. My head is pounding and my stomach is still uneasy when I jump in the shower. The water feels good as it runs over my body. I wish I could go back to sleep, but I have stuff to do in the lab.

_Don't I always._

The apartment is still a mess. There are red cups and chips scattered on the coffee table. Emmett and Rosalie wouldn't leave me alone last night— in fear I'd do something stupid— so we ended up taking Happy Hour to my place. Me, forever the third wheel, and the two of them. I don't know what time they left, but they were gone when I woke up on the couch.

I stop by the library to get some coffee on my way to the lab, like I usually do. Except this time my stomach is not really looking forward to the coffee, but I know I'll need it later to stay awake.

The library is crowded with undergrads.

_What a nightmare!_

I walk in quickly and get in line for my coffee. I'm pouring sugar in my mug when I see her. She's at a table by herself, an array of books spread on the wooden surface. Her hair is down, hiding her face, as she's hunched over a book. My body gravitates toward her without my permission.

"Hello, Bella."

She looks up at me in surprise.

"Oh, I'm back to Bella?" There's no humor in her voice, and her face is serious.

_Is she annoyed with me? Where's the smile she always has for me?_

"What is that supposed to mean?" I say, grabbing the chair next to her, a little hurt.

"What are you doing?" she asks as I sit.

"Bella, go easy on me today. I'm not feeling good." I run my free hand down my face.

"Oh... what's wrong?" Finally her stoic facade is gone, replaced by genuine concern.

"Too much beer." My nose scrunches just at the mention of the word. "That's what's wrong."

"I see... does that explain this?" She gets her cell phone from the table and checks it for something before turning the screen to me.

_Sat Mar 12th 3:42 AM_  
_From: Grumpy_  
_Becca, you've just revealed yourself to have absolutely no taste._

"Who the fuck is Grumpy, and why does he call you Becca?" I blurt out angrily.

She looks at me incredulously. "You're the only Grumpy I know."

"Are you saying I sent you that text?"

"Yes." She sighs and looks away.

I set my coffee on the table and get my cellphone from my pocket to check the sent texts.

_Well, fuck me..._

"I'm sorry," I say, rubbing my eyes. I'm never drinking again.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean either. No taste in what? Music? Food? Men?"

"Men?" I chuckle humorlessly. "James is not a man. He's a tool."

"So _this _is about James?" she says, gesturing to her phone.

"Yes." I see my brain filter is completely off this morning.

"Why do _you _care?"

"I am uncomfortable with you dating my classmate," I say casually, leaning back on the chair, crossing my arms over my chest.

"He's not your classmate, and we're not dating."

"We both started our PhDs in the same program at the same time. That makes him my classmate… Wait… you're not dating?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but no. We went out for coffee, we talked, he asked me out again, and I kindly declined. I am very focused on my studies right now, Edward, and I really don't have room for much more."

"Oh..." Relief washes through me instantly, and even though my head is still pounding and I still feel like throwing up, I might even be smiling.

"Yes, _oh _indeed, which brings me back to why are you sitting here distracting me from my study session?"

"What are you studying?" I ask softly, smiling at her sheepishly, hoping I can distract her and move past the James issue.

"I have an organic chemistry exam on Monday."

"Oh I see…" I ponder for a few seconds on whether or not to say the next few words, because even though there's a lot of work waiting for me in the lab, the possibility of spending some time here with her is very tempting. "Well, it might just be your lucky day, Swan, because I happen to be an expert in all things Orgo."

"You are?" Her lips turn up in a little grin and I sigh in relief. _She's back._

"I am…" I smile at her. "So, do you want some help?"

"I could use some help."

_Help… yup… that's what I'm here to do… help.  
_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: I am overwhelmed by reviews and alerts from you guys! Thank you a million times!**

**More later. Ronnie. 3**


	40. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I spend the next two hours not drinking my coffee and helping Bella with her organic reaction problem sets. She's extraordinarily smart, and a fast learner too. I am certain she'll ace her test on Monday.

I keep my hands between my knees —except for when I need to draw an organic reaction for her— I don't want her to see how my fingers twitch every time she pushes her hair behind her ear.

Bella keeps her attention mostly on her notebook, but the third time I yawn, she looks up at me.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired. Didn't get much sleep last night."

"Tell me about it… On average, I get about four hours a night."

"Four hours? If I don't get at least six hours of sleep, I get so grumpy."

"Grumpier than this?" she says, waving a hand to me, with a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

"This," I say and gesture a hand over my chest. "This is five-hours-of-sleep me." I stretch my arms over my head and straighten my back. Bella's eyes travel down my torso, but she composes herself before I realize part of my stomach was exposed. I pull my shirt down and peek at her but she's not looking at me anymore.

_Was Bella checking me out?_

"Anyway..." I try for a distraction. "It's healthy to sleep eight hours. I'm all about being healthy."

"That's 'cause you're an old man."

"Hey... I'm only twenty five!"

She laughs, but before I can ask her how old she is, she looks behind my shoulder and tenses.

"Shit..." she murmurs.

"What?"

"Remember that guy I told you about, Mike Newton, the stalker?" Her voice is barely a whisper.

I'm trying to remember. Bella had a stalker? She looks at me and knows I'm lost.

"Just play along please," she says as she scoots her chair closer to me. Her hand tentatively brushes my knee.

I have a vague recollection of her acting strangely lovey around me one day at this same cafeteria, but I can't seem to remember what it was about.

_Was I really paying so little attention?_

Bella's gaze is so intense, it's making it hard to focus on anything anyway.

She smiles shyly and looks down, only to peek back at me seductively through her thick lashes.

_God, what is she doing to me?_

I know she's faking it. I know she's acting — pretending for someone else— but I can't help how my body reacts to her, how very aware of her I am at the moment. My hand reaches for her cheek, and my thumb caresses her soft skin. She blushes and bites her lip, making my hand ache to pull her closer— to bring her lips to mine.

Her hand moves from my knee as she brushes her fingers over my thigh, and things are starting to stir inside my jeans.

_This is not real… it's not real._

She's still staring at me intently, and my eyes are glued to hers. I wonder what she's thinking and if she's feeling the same way.

All too soon, her gaze releases me, as she looks behind my shoulder again.

"He's gone," she whispers. Her hand rubs my thigh one last time and then it's gone. "Thank you."

I know I should let go, but I can't. My hand is still on her face. My thumb rubs her cheek while the rest of my fingers caress the nape of her neck. Her gaze turns to me surprised, and a little crease appears between her eyebrows. She reaches for my hand and her fingers fold around my wrist —her thumb brushes the top of my hand, once, twice, and she smiles. But she's not looking at me seductively, or at least she's not pretending to anymore. She's looking at me like she doesn't know what I'm doing or why I haven't let go of her face. And honestly, I don't know either.

I drop my hand from her face and stand up roughly.

"I better get to lab," I say, running a hand through my hair. "Good luck on your test." She gives me one last look of confusion before I turn around and leave.

_I guess the show is over..._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Actually, the "show" is about to start. ;)**

**See you tomorrow! Ronnie.**


	41. Chapter 41

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I spend the rest of the weekend in the lab because, truthfully, I have nothing else to do. I throw myself into work so I don't have time to think about Bella. It is wrong and inappropriate to be pining over her. She is just a kid, and she's working under me. Whatever is going on with me has to stop. I have to keep my distance from her.

Bella shows up Tuesday, looking a bit tired. I want to ask about her test, but I refrain, trying my best to be politely indifferent toward her.

As the end of the day approaches, she asks for my help, and I follow her into the dark room. She has to cut different bands from an agarose gel to purify the DNA from them. She knows how to use the UV light box, but I have to guide her through excising the bands from the gel.

Once in the dark room, Bella starts the UV box and turns off the lights. I stand behind her, watching over her, as her shaky hand—which holds the blade— hovers over the gel.

"I think it's safe to say that not going to medical school was the right decision for you," I tease her. "I mean, with those shaky hands, I wouldn't want you holding a scalpel anywhere near me."

"I had too much coffee today."

"Right," I snort.

"Shut up. You're making me nervous." The playful tone of her voice suggests that she's smiling.

"Here," I say, moving an inch closer to her. I cover her hand with mine and steady her fingers over the blade. "Relax," I suggest as much for her as for me.

Her body is so close to mine it feels like it's singing to me— inviting me, tempting me.

Her ponytail swings just under my chin, and I recognize that the fresh morning fragrance— which I still can't exactly pinpoint— comes from her hair.

Her hand is still shaking under mine, and she turns her face to glance up at me. I can see her lovely features in the faint blue glow of the UV light.

Her breath hitches.

"Th-this is making it worse," she says shakily.

I feel her warm breath tickle my neck. I'm too close. I'm way too close. I should step back. I need to step back.

_God, I want to kiss her. There's nothing else I want more right now than to kiss her._

Her bewildered expression slowly changes to a hooded one, as her eyes trail the distance from my own eyes to my lips. My heart is audibly pounding in my chest as I see her tongue trace the edge of her bottom lip before she's gnawing on it with her teeth.

I don't know what the fuck is going on, but in the next instant, my lips are on hers.

I breathe in deeply through my nose— basking in her sweet scent— as my mouth surrounds her bottom lip. Bella whimpers against my lips and turns her body to face mine. My hand seizes the back of her neck, and I pull her face closer to mine.

_What the hell am I doing?_

I don't know where to start. I don't know how to stop. I reluctantly release her neck and hold on to the bench for support. Her presence is intoxicating, and I am fighting for control as it is. All I want to do is wrap my arms under her and pull her up on the counter to lose myself in her.

_No, stop! This is wrong!_

I release her mouth and breathe hard through my nose.

"Bella…" I pant. "Shit, I'm so sorry." I take one step away from her. She's breathing hard as well. "I-I didn't mean to do that. I mean, I shouldn't have… Shit." I run a hand through my hair, struggling to find the right words.

With one step, Bella closes the distance between us, grabs me by my t-shirt and pulls me down to her height. When her lips collide with mine, she takes in a shaky breath.

I'm too tall, or she's too short, either way I'm hunching over her, and she's hanging on my neck. My hands grip her waist, and I pull her up to me. Bella wraps her legs around my hips as I set her on the countertop next to the UV box.

Her hands on my neck have found their way to my hair and are now pulling at it, in the most delicious way. She's making me groan into her mouth as my tongue slips in. My own hands, shaking with need, hover over her, uncertain if she would want me to touch her like I want to touch her.

Loud knocking on the door tears my lips from Bella's.

Bella gasps, and her legs drop at my sides.

"I need to look at a gel, Edward. What's taking so long?"

_Jane… shit…_

I groan into Bella's shoulder and hold on to her thighs, trying to collect myself. Her fingers are still in my hair.

"We're cutting a gel, Jane," I say loudly as I step away from Bella. "Give me a fucking break," I whisper to myself.

I hear Jane huff through the door.

"What do we do?" Bella whispers.

_Well, I don't know about you, Bella, but I need to get out of here._

I'm hard, and uncomfortable, and really fucking hard.

I move to the UV box, which is still on, and I hear Bella jump down from the bench. I grab the blade and cut around the bands on the gel. I find it ironic that I'm the one with shaking hands now, but I still manage to do a decent job.

Once I'm done, I shut the UV off and turn the lights back on.

Bella jumps a little, and I'm sure she's staring at me, but I can't look at her —I won't.

I run a hand through my hair and take a deep breath. "Take each little piece of gel and put in a single epi tube," I instruct. "You can follow the rest of the protocol at the bench."

"Edward," she whispers.

"I'll be back in a bit," I say with my hand on the door knob. I don't risk a glance at her, afraid I might assault her again. I open the door and storm out past Jane, who's standing by the door with her arms crossed over her chest.

_What the fuck just happened?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: O.O**

**More later. Thanks for reading!**


	42. Chapter 42

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything**_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to****Jax713 and everywheresky for pre-reading and to****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

A few seconds later, I'm out the door of the building. It's raining, but I don't care. I wish I smoked, or drank, or had any kind of vice that would help me calm down. I try deep breaths to control myself, as the rain pelts on me. I make it to the patch of trees behind the parking lot in no time. I lean onto a tree trunk with one hand, while the other is over my chest, where my heart feels like it might pound its way out any second. I'm panting. I'm sweating. I'm fucking freaking out.

_What the fuck was I thinking?_

Well, clearly, I wasn't thinking.

_God, I can still taste her on my lips._

I swallow hard.

Bella has the sweetest lips I've ever kissed.

I am doomed.

This is going to ruin everything. I can't let myself be distracted by Bella like this. I had no control over myself having her so close. I don't even know what would have happened if Jane hadn't knocked on the door. Or worse, what if she had opened the door without knocking? Of course she wouldn't, the light was off, the IN USE sign outside would have been on. Thank God for that!

No one can know about this, especially Jane —she's Aro's fucking puppy! If Aro ever finds out about this...

_God, this is so fucked up!_

I must make it clear to Bella —we must pretend like it never happened.

And it's never going to happen again.

I am never to have my lips on her again —_God, just the thought of it is devastating._

I knew kissing her was going to be good. She has the most beautiful lips I have ever seen. And they clearly didn't disappoint. Her kisses excelled any possible expectations I might have even dreamed of having. How can I endure not kissing her now, when I know how sweet she tastes?

If I thought it was torture to be around her before, well, now is going to be fucking hell.

And she kissed me back. She did. It wasn't just me. She wants this too. Doesn't she know it's wrong? I need to talk to her. I must explain. It was wrong, and it can't happen again. We need to keep things professional and work together without any awkwardness. We should be able to manage that. _I_ need to be able to manage that.

I won't look at her lips, or at her smile, if that's what it takes. Maybe I can lie and tell her we need to wear mouth masks for the rest of the project...

I step away from the tree with a groan. I fist my hair and realize I'm getting drenched, so I walk back into the building. I shake my head to try to get rid of some of the water, but I'm still soaked when I start walking up the stairs.

When I get to lab, Bella pretends she doesn't see me, but I know she does. I know because her pose shifts, her back straightens, and the foot she was tapping on the floor stills.

I realize Jane is in lab, at her bench, across from Bella, staring at her. It becomes clear to me that Bella is putting on this show for her.

I sigh and relax marginally.

Bella won't tell anyone— at least that much is clear.

I still need to talk to her though. What happened was wrong, and completely inappropriate. I can't let her get the wrong idea.

I busy myself on my computer for a while, where I pretend to work, scrolling up and down, and clicking aimlessly, but my whole attention is on Bella. She seems to be working through the purification protocol without any problems. I wonder what is going on in her head. What is she thinking right now? She seems to be completely unaffected by my presence and yet here I sit, unable to look away.

When Jane walks out of the lab, I feel Bella's eyes on me.

"Please don't do this," she whispers, standing by my desk.

"Don't do what?" I keep my eyes on the computer screen.

"Don't get all weird."

"I'm not."

"Let's be reasonable about this."

"Reasonable?" I turn to face her. She seems composed— unbelievably calmed.

_Is she not affected by me at all?_

"Yes. We got carried away. I apologize for my part."

I'm rendered speechless. Is _she_ giving _me_an out?

"Please," she continues. "I've worked really hard for this opportunity. I don't want anything to jeopardize my experience here in the lab."

I open and close my mouth, but no sounds come out.

How ironic... _I'm_ gaping at _her_.

I look down to collect my thoughts. Bella just completely disarmed me. I was expecting to have to say those words to her.

"Please, let's not allow this to get awkward."

That's exactly what I want, right? To not let this get awkward. To get back to my comfortable self. Then why am I feeling like this? Like she just rejected me? Like I've been just turned down?

My heart sinks at the thought. How stupid of me to think I would have had to explain to Bella why we couldn't be together, when clearly that wasn't a possibility in her head at all. I should have known better… what could Bella see in me anyway? Well, obviously nothing.

"Edward?"

"Yes, yes, of course."

_Karma is indeed a bitch._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: That's it for the day. I hope you all have a great weekend!**


	43. Chapter 43

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Bella arrives to lab on Thursday with a smile on her face. I nod politely at her, and she nods back. When I return to my activities, she sighs. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her peeking at Jane's bench, and when she realizes she's not in, she turns to me again.

"Okay," she starts, her hands on her hips. "Should we talk about this?"

I turn my gaze to her carefully, avoiding looking at her lips and instead focusing on her eyes. Even if her eyes are beautiful, they only make me want to stare at them forever, whereas her lips make me insane with the need to kiss her.

"There's nothing to talk about, Bella."

"Well, are you going to go back to being mean to me?"

"I was never mean to you."

Her eyebrows shoot up incredibly high as she crosses her arms in front of her. Then I remember my idiotic pranks, getting her hurt, ruining her lab coat...

"I won't be mean to you again." I sigh in defeat, looking at my feet.

"Edward..." Her voice is barely a whisper.

When I turn my gaze up at her I make the mistake of looking at her lip, which she's biting, making this impossibly more difficult. My hands turn into fists and I hide them in my pockets. She still looks at me suspiciously while she gets her lab coat on.

"It won't be awkward, all right? I promise."

She smiles at me then, and I suppress a groan. She looks like she wants to say something else, but when Jane walks back in the lab, the words die in her mouth. I take advantage of the distraction and busy myself with work.

I try my best to be normal around Bella, but I really don't know how to not be awkward. She's working quietly as usual, but I'm distracted by her, observing her every move.

Toward the end of the day, I see Bella starting to pick up her stuff, so I pretend to do work at my computer. I see her shuffling, fidgeting, until she finally approaches me.

"Hey, Edward?" she asks softly.

"Yes?" I turn to face her.

"Um, I was wondering... I know I'm just an undergrad here, and there's really no room for me to... I-I mean, I know it's really not my place to ask, but..." She trails off, and she's blushing crimson red.

"Bella, would you get on with it? I don't have all day." I run a hand through my hair in exasperation. Being _normal_ around her takes a whole lot of energy.

She frowns at me in anger.

_Shit, that was mean..._

"Never mind…" She sighs.

I take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. Please, Bella, tell me," I say through clenched teeth as I gesture a hand for her to continue.

She sighs again before speaking. "I know there's that recruitment party this Saturday. I know it's for the prospective students to meet the current students in the department. And I know, I'm just the undergrad, but I think it would be great if I could meet them. You know? Hopefully in a year I'll be going through recruitment myself." She twists and untwists her fingers in front of me, straining my patience with them.

"Is there a question you wanted to ask?" I bark before I can help myself.

"Yes…" she snaps back." My question is: do you mind if I'm there?" She crosses her arms over her chest and looks at me defiantly.

Why would I care if she's there? I wasn't even planning on going to the stupid party to begin with.

_Wait a minute..._

I shoot up from my chair, and she takes a step back. "Who told you about the party?"

She looks down and sighs, proving me right. I fucking knew it.

"You're going with James, aren't you?" I take one step closer and tower over her.

"No, I'm not going _with _James." She glances up at me. "But I'm going."

"Well, I guess I'll see you there, then."

"Okay," she says with a tiny shrug, before she smiles at me and turns around to leave.

My hands reach out, my fingers curl in anger, and some unintelligible noise catches in my throat. I don't know if I want to strangle her or make her mine. Either way, I stare at her hopelessly as she walks away from me.

I don't need her to admit it. I know it's him who invited her to the party. She might not be going with him, but he'll be there for sure, and apparently so will I.

_Fucking cocksucker James fucking Douchewand!_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~


	44. Chapter 44

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

**Special thanks to LadynikiW for the awesome slang phrase below.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I can't believe I'm even considering this.

What do I care if Bella goes to the stupid recruitment party or not?

I decide it's just because of James. The guy is such an idiot. If she was going with a younger, more acceptable guy, then I would be totally okay with it. I think I would. I mean, I can't really see it now because of how pissed off I am, but I probably would.

What does she see in James anyway? He barely passed his Qual— after taking it twice. He hasn't published any papers. He works with fruit flies for fuck's sake! Fruit flies! And he's a fucking asshole anyway. I don't trust him. I don't like him. I can't fucking stand him.

I have to go to this party.

At lunch, against my better judgment, I bring it up to Emmett.

"Hey, where's the recruitment party this year?" I ask casually, forking my mac and cheese.

"You're going to the recruitment party?" Emmett drops his fork in his Tupperware and turns to look suspiciously at me.

"Yes," I groan. I should have known better than to think he was not going to make a big deal out of this.

"To _our_ department's recruitment party?" He presses his fingers on his chest for emphasis.

"Why is that so hard to believe?" I shrug and push the little macaronis around in the container.

"Well, let me think… maybe because I've organized every single one of them since I've been here, and you've never been to one."

"Will you answer my question or not?" I turn to look at him, annoyed.

"Is at the South Campus Center, bro." Even though he has given me the information I've requested, he is still looking at me like he won't let this go.

"Great, thanks." My tone is sarcastic as I try to get my attention back to my food.

"I can't believe you're going." There's a knowing smile tugging at the corner of his lips —I don't like it. I don't like any of this.

I shrug in pretend indifference as he moves to the chair next to me.

"If only I had known all it would take was an undergrad to get through you."

"This has nothing to do with Bella." I can't hide the defensive edge to my voice. I'm bothered by the fact he still calls her an undergrad. I've made it clear to him that her name is Bella.

"Right, so it's just a coincidence… this is just the year you happen to decide to go to this thing."

"Yes."

"Is she going?" he asks, quirking his eyebrow.

I groan and try to ignore him.

"Dude, I can see it. How she's affected you. It's kind of obvious. You can talk to me, you know? It might make you feel better."

I take a deep breath and consider it, but before I can stop myself, everything comes spilling out. "She drives me crazy, Emmett. I can't stand it. I lose all control when I'm around her. I kissed her... I kissed her, and she said she doesn't want to jeopardize her work in the lab. And it makes sense that she does. What doesn't make any sense is how much this sucks. Now I can't stop seeing her everywhere. She's at the lab, at the gym, at the fucking library where I get my coffee— she's fucking everywhere! And I need to go back to not seeing her, because otherwise I don't know how else to deal with this." I stare at my lunch— it looks less appetizing by the second.

"So you don't want to see her?" Emmett asks, surprisingly calmed.

"Exactly."

"You don't want to kiss her again," he probes.

"I want to not want to kiss her again." I choose my words carefully, because honestly, all I think about is having my lips on hers.

"Right… and you're going to the recruitment party because…" He leaves his sentence hanging, for me to complete it, like I'm a fucking kid.

"Because she's going with James fucking Douchewand!" _Is he not paying any attention at all? God!_

"I see…" His condescending tone is pissing me off.

So, me going to the recruitment party he overreacts about, but I tell him I kissed Bella and he acts like we're discussing the weather.

"Emmett, just fucking say what you want to say." I groan into my hands as I hang my head.

"Well… you, my friend, have got it bad for the zygote."

"That's it?" I jump from my chair and stare at him. "That's what you have to say to me? That's what you gathered from all of this?"

"Well…" he starts calmly. "And please, by all means, correct me if I'm wrong. But didn't you just say that you don't want to see her anymore yet you want to go to the recruitment party to check on her in case James pulls a douche move? If that makes sense in your brain…"

"So, you're saying I shouldn't go?" I _know_ I shouldn't go.

"Quite the opposite. What I'm saying is you should go for it… with Bella. You know? Make a move… stake a claim… pitch some woo… that sort of thing."

_Pitch some woo?_

I glare at Emmett in disbelief. "Yeah, Emmett. Thanks for your great advice." The sarcasm is obvious in my tone.

"You know I'm right." He shrugs and gets back to his food, and I reluctantly return to my chair.

I've lost my appetite. I've lost my mind.

_Could this be the one time in my life Emmett is actually right? God, I hope not._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Qual is short for Qualifying Exam. It's the written/oral exam you take midway through your PhD which qualifies you as a PhD candidate. It's kind of a big deal in grad school… If you fail it, you get kicked out of the program with a Master's degree, but usually they'd give you a second chance. You'd be happy to know I passed mine the first time, barely… but still. ;)**

**See you all tomorrow! R.**


	45. Chapter 45

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I decide not to make a big deal about me going to the stupid recruitment party. So I don't ride with Emmett and Rosalie, but instead I walk there by myself. It is not raining, the party is on campus, and walking has always helped me clear my mind.

As soon as I'm inside, I spot Bella, and I groan out loud when I see what she's wearing. The jeans she has on look like they have been painted on her— they hug her figure in the most provocative way. Her legs look like they go on forever, and I find myself swallowing hard when I see she's wearing high heels— black, fuck-me high heels.

_Fuck me indeed…_

I shake my head and tear my eyes off of her. I head to the back, where I get a drink at the bar and find a wall to slump against. It doesn't take long before my eyes find her again. She is talking to a bunch of kids, who I assume are part of this year's recruits.

As if he knows I'm here, James brings a drink to Bella.

"Edward's here! Let the party begin!" Rosalie chants at my side while I grimace.

"What took you so long? Had trouble matching that sweater?" Emmett comes behind Rosalie.

He's wearing a tie for fuck's sake. I look at Rosalie with raised eyebrows, and she smiles smugly at me.

"Yeah… not all of us have the privilege of being dressed by our girlfriends."

"Come on… I kid, I kid." Emmett laughs, setting an arm over my shoulder.

"I'll leave you two to your bromance," Rosalie says, rolling her eyes at us. "I better go suck up to my P.I."

"How are you?" Emmett can sense my shitty mood at once, and surprisingly, his voice comes out low and concerned.

"I'm peachy."

"I see…" Emmett lets go of me, and his eyes travel to the direction I'm looking. "Oh… I see."

"He's trying to get her drunk," I seethe through clenched teeth.

"You're right. Douchewand's all over your zygote's business."

I groan into my beer.

"C'mon!" He gives me a friendly smack on the back. "More drinking, less brooding."

…

An hour later, I'm still hunching against the wall— shamelessly staring at Bella from across the room. James keeps going back to her, but she doesn't seem to pay much attention to him, which is pleasantly soothing. Of course, she hasn't paid any attention to me either...

She is conversing with some of the recruits, when her eyes finally come up in my direction. I hold her gaze, and I think— I think— I might be involuntarily smiling.

Bella approaches me with a small grin. Her hair is down and wavy and flowing over her shoulders— her bare shoulders. My eyes trace the outline of her collarbones and get lost in the hundreds of little freckles that cover her shoulders. "Is that a new sweater?" When I hear her voice, I have to concentrate to turn my gaze back to her eyes.

"Are you making fun of me?" I say lightheartedly.

"No…" She snickers. "You look good."

"You look good too," I say lamely.

_Well, that's an understatement._ She looks stunning.

"You shouldn't be drinking." I gesture to the beer in her hand.

"Why not?" She brings the brown bottle close to her mouth as her lips pucker around the rim.

_Focus, Cullen!_

"Are you twenty-one yet?" I blurt out.

"Are you with the party police?"

"Very funny," I deadpan, waiting for her answer.

"If you must know, I _am_ twenty-one already, thank you very much."

"You are?" I am a little surprised. She's not a senior yet. I figured she'd be younger.

I'm only four years older than her. That, surprisingly, makes me feel a lot better.

"Yep, I missed a year in junior high. No biggie." She ends her sentence with a shrug.

"Oh…" I am surprised.

_Why would she have missed a year in junior high?_ It seems completely out of character, given how smart and overachieving she is.

Unfortunately, my underage drinking conversation topic-slash-distraction is officially over, and my eyes find their way to her shoulders again.

"Oh! I haven't met that one!" Bella quips when one of the recruits walks by. "Be right back."

I'm hypnotized by the way her hips swing as she walks away from me.

_I am royally screwed._

I've gone from being completely unaware of her to noticing every single fucking thing she does. How can I go back to not seeing her now, when everything new I notice about her I like?

…

Bella is all smiles when she stops by me again, holding yet another beer bottle that she got from James.

"Why are you so angry?" She leans on the wall next to me.

"Bella, I'm not angry. I'm having fun." I try to sound calm as I turn to face her. Between the extra inches of her heels, and my slouched position on the wall, we are almost face to face.

"_This _is you having fun?" She gestures to me with her beer.

"Yes," I say, distracted by the freckles scattered over her nose and cheek bones.

"Standing in the corner, looking at everyone like you're a bodyguard, or an undercover cop, or both— that's you having fun?"

"Yes." I shrug.

"You're angry." She tilts her head to one side, giving me a quizzical look.

"I'm not angry!" Okay, I'm starting to get angry.

She laughs. "You're frowning."

"Because you're driving me insane!" I breathe deeply through my nose while taking a sip from my beer, trying to relax.

"Why?" She steps away from the wall and stands in front of me.

"Because you're too happy." _And adorable..._

"What's wrong with being happy?" She places one hand over her hip and shifts her weight to one foot. My eyes trace the outline of her hip and how it looks sticking out in those devilish pants she's wearing.

I close my eyes and have to take yet another deep breath before I'm able to look at her again. "It's extremely annoying."

"Well, I'm sorry." Her smile turns into giggles and I groan. "Do I really annoy you so much?" She stares at me, and her eyebrows scrunch in the middle. She might even be pouting, but I refrain from looking at her lips— afraid I might just kiss her here, in front of everybody.

"Yes." I groan my reply. I hope my eyes are effectively transmitting to her that the answer to her question is actually "no."

She holds my gaze for what feels like an eternity. My fingers clench around the neck of the beer bottle I'm holding. With a sigh, she shakes her head at me and walks away again.

Honestly, Bella's happiness, enthusiasm, and general positive attitude is not annoying at all. It's refreshing. It's endearing. It's inspiring. It makes me want to think about the time when I was excited to start on this road, when I couldn't wait to get my hands on an interesting project. When did I lose that? I have devoted these past four years to my research, to be successful. But what does success mean, if you don't have anyone to share it with?

So yeah, Bella's happiness is not annoying at all.

_What's truly annoying is that she's making it impossible for me to keep my hands to myself._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: So, chaps 45, 46 and 47 are all from the recruitment party and the rest of Sat night, and they are longer than our usual chapters. So instead of splitting them, I decided to post 1 a day. After these we'll be back to two per day. Hope you still love me.**

**Also, have you guys checked wordybitches(.)com/?p=10975 ? MissMaj recommended Graduate Bitterness as one of Sunday Selections! Can you believe it? I can't! THANK YOU SO MUCH!**


	46. Chapter 46

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

"James offered to walk me home," Bella starts when she approaches me again. I keep my eyes on the crowd, instead of on hers. "But I don't know if that's such a good idea." I turn to look at her, and she smiles. "I think you might be right about him— he _is_ kind of a tool."

I snort and look down.

"Plus I don't trust him."

"I don't trust him either, Bella." _That's the only reason I'm here._

"So, can I lie and tell him you're walking me home instead?"

When my eyes find hers, I'm struck with how bright and how beautiful her chocolate brown eyes look under this light.

"You don't have to lie, Bella. I'll gladly walk you home myself," I say to her earnestly, my eyes glued to hers. She looks down and pushes some of her hair behind her ears, which is my cue to get my eyes off of her.

…

When Bella says she is ready to leave, we say goodbye and head out. She stops at the door to get something out of her bag. I smile when I see her pull out a pair of black Chucks. She holds on to my arm as she takes her high heels off and I notice she's wincing.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, my feet are killing me."

"I could go get my car."

"Nonsense. I'm like ten minutes away." She gets her shoes on, and we start walking.

On our way to her building, she tells me about the prospective students she met. She liked most of them, although I'm not surprised about that. I am sure they liked her back.

"Can you hold these?" Bella asks, handing me her heels, once we are at the door of her building. I'm jealous of the little straps that were hugging her ankles minutes ago.

She starts fumbling in her purse, looking for keys I assume.

"Shit…" She sighs. "Shit, shit, shit, shit!"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't have my keys… I must have left them inside, in my other bag."

"Oh…" I look at the time. It's past two in the morning.

Should I offer to let her stay at my place? That's what a social lab friend would do, right? Right?

Would I be able to keep my hands off of her if she were to come to my apartment?

"I'm so stupid!" She hits her forehead with the heel of her hand.

"Hey, relax… um… I have a bed. I mean a couch."

She glances up at me.

"Really, it's no problem." I shrug to try to make my offer seem casual.

She still doesn't look convinced.

"That's what graduate student mentors are for, right?"

The corners of her mouth turn up in a little grin. If science fails for me, I think I could make a living out of making Bella smile— nothing would please me more.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah… It's not like it'd be awkward or anything," I tease, and she laughs.

It takes us around twenty minutes to walk to my place. Bella is very talkative, and I barely get to say anything back, but I don't mind— I enjoy listening to her.

When we get to the front steps of my building, I notice she winces again when she holds on the rail.

"Bella, are you okay?" I'm starting to get worried. She looks like she's legitimately in pain.

She takes a deep breath and plasters a fake smile on her face.

"I'm fine."

"Bella, please, tell me what's wrong," I beg, reaching for her hand to help her.

"Can we just go inside?" She holds on to my hand. "I'll tell you, I promise."

I help her up and open the door for her. Once inside, I steer her to the couch. She drops on the couch and takes in a shaky breath. She extends her legs and rubs her thighs.

"It's not a big deal," she starts. "Sometimes I get pain on my legs from an old injury."

"Oh… can I get you something for it?"

"Just water is fine," she says, looking in her bag again. She gets a bottle of ibuprofen out and rattles it at me, with a smile on her face.

As I rush to the kitchen, I'm still a little shaken up. She was walking all that time without me even knowing she was in pain. I pour two glasses of water and hand her one as I sit next to her.

"You should have told me you were hurting, Bella. I would have gotten the car."

"I'm all right." She smiles and looks around. "Your place is nice."

_Nice?_ My place is bare. I don't spend much time here anyway, and I rarely have company.

I turn my glass of water in my hand— curious to know how she got hurt. "Bella, can I ask you a question?"

She looks at me as I take a sip of water. "If you're wondering if I'm a virgin, the answer is no."

I choke on the water and she laughs.

"Jesus Christ, woman, how drunk are you?" I manage to ask after I cough a couple times.

"I'm not drunk at all. I'm just messing with you. What were you going to ask?"

I look at her and she's blushing. If the burning feeling on my ears is any indication, I'd say I'm blushing too.

It's taking everything I have not to kiss her right now. My fingers clench around the glass of water.

"Come on, ask me." She runs a hand over her hair, pushing it behind her shoulders.

I clear my throat. "I was just curious about how you got injured." Although right now, that's the last thing on my mind.

"Oh, well… My mom and I were in a car accident. I broke my hip and both my legs." Her tone is nonchalant, like it was just a paper cut.

"What?"

"Yeah… it was okay though. After rehab, I was as good as new!" She smiles enthusiastically.

"How long was rehab?"

"Long enough."

I remember something she said at the party today. "Long enough to make you miss a year in school?" The only answer I get from her is a grin and a shrug. "Shit, Bella. That sucks. I'm sorry."

"It's all right. I'm glad it happened actually." She stares at her legs and rubs her hand over her thighs. "It brought my parents back together, just as they were meant to be." Her eyes travel back to mine before she continues. "My parents got divorced when I was little, and my mom and I moved to Florida. But after the accident, my dad came over to help and they just... hit it off, I guess. They've been together ever since." She smiles proudly at me as I stare at her, completely dumbfounded.

A thread of her hair is falling over, and my fingers itch to pull it behind her ear— it's really just an excuse to touch her hair again. I want to hear more about her, but I don't know if I should. Every single new thing I learn about Bella, I like —too much. She drives me insane in both good and bad ways.

"Okay…" I set my glass of water on the coffee table and get up from the couch, running my palms on my jeans and taking a deep breath. "I think you deserve the bed. I'll stay on the couch."

"Why?"

"Because I just made you walk—"

"It's not your fault. I locked myself out."

"Bella, please…"

"Okay, okay… don't get all grumpy on me." She stands up, and I hover over her, unsure of how to help her.

"Hey, stop it." She steadies herself with a hand on my arm. "I'm fine. I shouldn't have said anything."

I show her my bedroom and where the bathroom is. I ask if she wants to change into some of my clothes, but she declines— says it wouldn't be the first time she slept in jeans.

She sits on the bed, and I'm on my way out when she calls. "Edward?" She's lying down, on top of the comforter, and she gestures with her hand for me to sit beside her.

I swallow hard as I lower myself next to her.

"Why did you hate me so much when I first came to lab?"

I'm surprised by her sudden question, and the sad tone that taints her voice makes my heart sink.

"I didn't hate you, Bella." I really didn't. I didn't particularly like her, either, but I didn't hate her. I was blind. I was a goddammed fool.

"Of course you did." She snorts.

"I didn't," I insist. "I just… I couldn't see you properly."

"What do you mean?" She's not looking at me but at her hand as her fingers trace shapes on the comforter.

"I don't know. I didn't _see_ anyone really. I'm so sorry I was such an ass to you, Bella. I guess I'm socially crippled— I'm not nice." I hope she can feel how much I despise myself.

"You can be nice when you want to be." Her tone is soft as she continues to run her fingers on my comforter. I'm jealous of the cotton bed piece — I want her fingers running over me.

"Right." Now I snort.

"You sang The Police to me." Her gaze turns up to me.

"After you got injured because of me," I say in anger— images of her crouching on the floor about to faint cloud my mind.

"You drew bacteria on my lab coat."

"Bella, please," I say in pretend dead-seriousness. "You must not repeat that... ever."

She smiles at me and shakes her head. "My mom helped me decorate that lab coat. My dad made fun of us forever... said I'd look retarded. He's kind of a grump like you."

I can tell she misses her family. I feel like such an idiot for making fun of her and her la-la... her lab coat.

"I guess it just reminds me of home," she says with a little shrug.

"I'm sorry I ruined it."

"You didn't. My blood did. You just tried to help fix it. That meant a lot to me."

I can feel the corners up my mouth turning up as I look down.

"I'm really glad you don't hate me anymore, Edward." And just like that, her eyes flutter closed.

I stare awkwardly at her. I'm afraid to move and wake her up, so I rest my head back on the headboard. There are so many things I want to tell her, so many things I want to learn from her. I want to get to know her. I want her to know me —the real me, and not the emotionally unavailable asshat I have been until now.

_Emmett was right— I've got it bad for Bella Swan._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: E has the feels! I'm such a sap... I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone hoping for Violentward to make an appearance and kick Douchewand's arse. But Bitterward is full on Softyward, plus Bella doesn't need him to beat James up... she's got him under control.**

**Moving on...**

**You guuuuiiiiiiise! ****I am completely overwhelmed by your reviews! I've read every single one of them and LOVE them! I love when you tell me stories about yourselves, when you quote your fav part of the chappy, when you dub my Edward something different in every review *wink, wink* I just love you all so much! You've made this experience incredibly awesome! I have all these feels now! :''')**

**We have the rest of this lovely Sat night on the next chapter coming tomorrow. A million times thank you! Ronnie.**


	47. Chapter 47

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I think I liked it better when I couldn't see Bella, when I wasn't constantly thinking about kissing her or touching her. But now the blindfold is off, and apparently, so is my common sense. This is the only reason I can explain why I am staring at her —while she sleeps— like some fucking creep.

Bella's face is peaceful as her breathing slows, her lips are open in a little "o," and her bangs are all over her face. My fingers crave to touch them— to get my hands in her hair again. Slowly, tentatively, I lift my hand up and move it an inch closer to her face.

"Jack!" Bella calls, loudly, almost giving me a heart attack. "There's a boat, Jack," she cries, frowning. Her face contours as if in pain.

_What in the fucking hell?_

_Is she having a nightmare?_

_Who the fuck is Jack?_

Just as suddenly, her face regains a peaceful expression.

Isn't it just my luck? Bella apparently talks in her sleep. And she's into someone named Jack, and possibly boats…

I could rent a boat. We could go sailing if she wanted to. I could learn to sail. If Jack can do it, how hard can it be? Does she like sailing? I'll ask her tomorrow.

What the fuck am I thinking? No, I'm _not_ going to ask her tomorrow, because we are _not_ going to go out sailing. She can go with Jack for all I care.

I groan into my hands as I palm my face. I have seriously lost it. This is ridiculous.

"Fucking Jess ate my Chobani* again," Bella says then, and I turn to look her. _Jess?_ Now who the fuck is that? And more importantly, what the fuck is a Chobani?

I should go. I shouldn't be here watching her sleep, listening to all this craziness.

"Mike Newton thinks I'm sexy…"

_Oh, for the love of God!_

Is she doing this shit on purpose? Is she trying to drive me insane?

Mike Newton sounds familiar. Do I know him? Who is the little fucker? It was the stalker, right?

The fucking stalker. I wish I was still T.A-ing so I could fail him for ogling Bella in I am sure a disrespectful way.

I can't take this anymore. If she mentions another guy, I'm going to lose my shit. I sit on the bed, ready to leave, but before I move, Bella speaks again.

"Does Edward think I'm sexy?"

_I do, I do, I do…_

"Hmmmmmmm… my Grumpy."

Her little moan sends an electric shock that ends exactly between my legs, and I am done, torn, split in two, disarmed and breathless.

Does she mean me? She called me Grumpy once, right? She said I'm the only Grumpy she knows. Am I _her_ Grumpy?

_Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!_

I slump back on the headboard.

Is Bella dreaming about me? Is it wrong that this feels so right? That my heart is swelling in excitement over being part of her dreams?

I turn to look at Bella again. She's frowning exaggeratedly, and her lips purse in a pout.

"Do not touch my samples, Becca!" Her voice is low and raspy. "Don't be so happy, Becca!" And then she smiles. "Run, Becca! Run!"

Oh, she's dreaming about me, all right… except not in the way I was hoping.

She's making fun of me— in her dreams.

_Lovely._

I groan as I drop my head back on the headboard and stare at the ceiling. I shouldn't be hoping Bella dreams about me anyway. It would only make it harder, because we are never going to work. _This_ is never going to work. We can't be together.

I will be graduating in a year, hopefully, and then it will be New York, and Tanya, all over again. Tanya and I had been together for four years when we graduated from Cornell. She wanted me to get a "real" job and move with her to New York City. She wanted me to pass on the opportunity to go to grad school at UW and work at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center — one of the top cancer research centers in the country! She made me choose, and I chose research.

And you know what? I have no regrets. Even though she didn't know the whole story about my parents, she knew it was important to me —she shouldn't have made me choose. So when she said "If you leave, we are done," I left. I figured I was better off by myself anyway, or like she said, "end up alone and rot in lab hell." It didn't seem like such a sacrifice then—my relationship with Tanya was okay at its best.

So I did. I started grad school and joined one of the best labs in the program. I didn't let any woman get in my way. I was determined, focused, only to wake up four years later —an angry and bitter asshole— getting his undergrad hurt by some stupid joke.

What a wakeup call that had been! Suddenly, I started noticing everything— all the things I fought so hard to ignore. I had been wearing blinders for four years, and I had missed so much!

Honestly, I never expected to feel so unfulfilled.

Isn't this what I wanted when I made the decision to leave Tanya? Am I missing something? Why am I not enjoying my work anymore?

I turn to look at Bella and her expression is back to peaceful. I can see myself so easily falling for Bella, and if I'm lucky enough, her falling for me. But then what? Then I'll have to choose my work, my life, what I owe to my parents, over her. She'll make me choose, and I'll choose science— cancer research— and it will break us both, because this time it would be the hugest sacrifice I'll ever have to make in my life. And truthfully, I'm not even sure I would be strong enough to make that decision. If Bella were to love me back, how could I hurt her that way?

I sigh and run a hand down my face.

Bella is smiling now… giggling. How someone can giggle in her sleep is beyond me. After a while, she calms down, and her breathing slows even more. With a sigh, I close my eyes and wait to see if she says anything else.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I wake up and realize I fell asleep against the headboard and, apparently, have not moved at all. My neck and my back serve as painful reminders of my awkward position. I stretch my arms and realize Bella is no longer on my bed. I squint my eyes at my watch to try to read the time. It's seven in the morning.

I get up and rub my neck as I walk around the apartment, looking for her, but she's gone. Her bag and her heels are gone. I drag my ass back to bed, wondering where she could have gone so early. That's when I notice the piece of paper on the nightstand.

**Morning, Grumpy!**

**I had to leave to get my keys from the landlord.**

**Thanks for letting me crash last night.**

**Sorry for your sore neck.**

**B. :)**

I face-dive on the bed with a groan and attempt to go back to sleep. However, my bed smells like her— my pillows are impregnated with her scent— and it is extremely distracting. So, like the creepy perv that I have become, I spend more time that I am comfortable admitting sniffing my pillows.

_Grumpy… I'm her Grumpy…_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: I hope this answers some of your questions of what happened with Tanya. Thanks again for all your support guys! I've had so much fun with this!**

**We're back to two chappys a day starting tomorrow. :)**

**Chobani is the name of a brand of ridiculously overpriced Greek yogurt.**


	48. Chapter 48

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

On Monday, I sit silently in the lunch room with Emmett. He has been rambling about the success of the recruitment party, but luckily, he hasn't asked about Bella yet.

"So, is Alice coming this weekend?" He asks, _after_ taking a bit from his sandwich.

"Yes. Friday."

"Awesome! Oh man..." He finishes chewing and swallows. "I can't wait for next week! Spring Break: no undergrads, the gyms and bars all to ourselves!"

"Is it Spring Break next week?" My voice breaks in surprise. I had completely forgotten about it.

"Yeah!"

_Oh great… _I groan.

Is Bella leaving for Spring Break? She probably is, isn't she? I get an uneasy feeling in my stomach so I stick a forkful of macaroni in my mouth to shut it up.

"What's up your ass?" Emmett asks suddenly.

I shake my head at him dismissively as I stare at my food.

"Are you picturing Bella in a bikini… dancing… on the beach?"

_No, but I am now. Fuck my life._

I try to ignore him the best that I can, while I keep forking my mac and cheese.

"At a wet t-shirt contest, perhaps?"

He knows I'm getting pissed, but I won't give him the satisfaction of seeing how much it affects me to picture Bella the way he's describing her.

"Flashing her boobs at some intoxicated frat boys?"

I close my eyes. It's too much. I need to figure out a way to find out what Bella is doing for Spring Break.

"Don't worry, bro. I'm sure she won't end up in some random guy's bed, after he has taken god knows how many shots off of her hot body."

The plastic fork I'm holding is not up to the task, and it breaks with a loud snap. I open my eyes and glare at Emmett— the look on my face has him backtracking quickly.

"I'm sorry, bro..." He chuckles. "To be honest, though, you are your own worst cock-block. You could feel it— at the recruitment party— that girl is crazy about you, and you're not doing anything about it."

Oh, but I _am_ doing something about it —I'm fighting it. And it is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.

My appetite has left me, along with my sanity. I snap my Tupperware closed and rise from the chair without looking at Emmett.

"Hey, I was joking, man!" he says behind me, but I'm already walking out the door.

I'll ask her tomorrow— I just need to wait one more day until she comes to lab, and then I'll know.

I'll see her tomorrow, and she'll tell me she's not going to Cabo or wherever. Maybe she has a trip planned with her family to a cold, cold place where she'll need to wear lots of layers. I'm hoping Alaska.

My cell phone beeps with an email as soon as I get to the lab.

* * *

From: Isabella Swan, imswan(at)u(.)washington(.)edu  
Sent: Monday, March 21, 2011 1:18 PM  
To: Edward Cullen, eacullen(at)u(.)washington(.)edu

Hi Edward,

Is it okay if I miss lab Tuesday and Wednesday? I have midterms this week before Spring Break, but I promise to make up for the lost time afterward.

Bella

* * *

_She's leaving._

A devastating feeling rushes through me and clouds my mind.

_She's not even coming this week._ _I won't know where she'll be._

This week is going to be fucking torture.

* * *

From: Edward Cullen, eacullen(at)u(.)washington(.)edu  
Sent: Monday, March 21, 2011 1:20 PM  
To: Isabella Swan, imswan(at)u(.)washington(.)edu

Fine.

Edward A. Cullen  
PhD Candidate  
Volturi Lab  
Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center  
1100 Fairview Avenue North  
Seattle, WA 98109-1024

* * *

_It's official. I fucking hate Spring Break…_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Who thinks Bella is going to Cabo? Also, there's a little detail on Bella's email that Bitterward neglected to catch. I'll give a thousand virtual gummy bears to whoever catches it!)**

**One more coming later today! R.**


	49. Chapter 49

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: A million thanks to my ****Jaxy-love who not only pre-reads but also takes care of my everyday melt-downs before I post. Also to Mel, who not only is an amazing beta, but also has been incredibly supportive even though she's got a thousand things on her plate!**

**You guys are so funny with your reviews! They made my day! So apparently Bitterward is not only the only person in the world who has not seen Titanic, but also the only one oblivious enough to miss the fact that a) Bella didn't say she wouldn't be there Thursday and b) she also said she'd make up for the time afterwards. So... everybody gets virtual gummy bears! YAY!**

**Moving on...**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

As soon as I get home, I call Alice. In theory, it's to ask when she'll be here, but in reality, I'm desperate. I can't go on like this. I need someone to talk to. So I end up blabbering like an idiot about Bella, our kiss, the night she slept on my bed, and how she may or may not be going to Cabo San Lucas for Spring Break.

"Edward, I just don't understand," Alice says through the speaker.

I'm sitting on my couch with my head rested back and one arm over my eyes.

"To be honest, I think what you're doing is stupid," she continues. "I mean, you're miserable. I can feel it. Why won't you give yourself the chance to—"

"To what, Alice? You remember what happened with Tanya."

"Edward, please. Tanya was an unsupportive bitch."

"I don't even know Bella that well!" _How do I know she's not going to make me choose too?_

"Bella won't make you choose, Edward."

"You don't know that."

"You said she's incredibly determined, that she loves research even more than you used to. That doesn't sound like someone who would be opposed to you continuing on this road."

"I don't know, Alice." I sigh into my hands, resting my elbows on my knees.

"All I'm saying is give yourself the opportunity to get to know her. Don't deny yourself the chance to be with her just because you're afraid to feel something."

"I'm not _afraid_ of feeling anything." _I already feel so much. _"But I will be done with the program in a year."

"So what? A lot can happen in a year. You know that better than anyone else."

I groan and run my hand down my face. She's right.

"You're hurting. You already care about her, Edward. Why do you have to be so blind?" I can feel my cousin already getting frustrated at me. It's what usually happens when we discuss my personal life, or my lack thereof.

"What do you suggest I do? Ask her out?" I snap at her. "She's my undergrad! I don't even know if she's interested in me."

"Didn't you say she kissed you back?"

"Yes. But she also said she didn't want to jeopardize her experience in the lab."

"That means she's smart. You shouldn't let your feelings for each other affect your lab work, especially if she's working under you. But that doesn't mean you can't have a relationship outside of work."

The idea of me being with Bella outside of work is very, very tempting. I close my eyes and rest my head back against the couch again, releasing a shaky breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Have you guys talked about it again? Have you told her how you feel?" Alice continues with the Spanish Inquisition.

"No. I decided to pretend it never happened."

"Geez, Edward. For such a smart guy, you can be very obtuse." My cousin sighs through the speaker, and I remain quiet. "You need to talk to her, tell her what's going on. See what she wants. Tell her what _you_ want."

I stare at the ceiling, exploring the possibility of me telling Bella how I feel. Even though the idea of opening up to Bella is terrifying, I just don't see how I could possibly hide it anymore.

After a couple of silent seconds, Alice speaks again. "Edward, do you know what you want?"

"Yes. I want to go to sleep."

She sighs in frustration, sensing I'm closing myself off.

"Do you want to be with her?" she asks timidly.

"I've never wanted anyone more."

This is the most honest and straightforward I've ever been about my feelings to Alice. However, I probably shouldn't have said that, because now my cousin is aww-ing and squealing on the other side of the line while I rub my hands on my thighs, waiting for her to calm down.

"Then do yourself a favor and talk to her. I'd bet good money she's already crazy about you." My cousin's tone has changed from frustrated and sad to enthusiastic — undoubtedly sensing I am actually considering this.

I tell her I'll think about it, and we say our goodbyes. I go to bed and try to sleep, but images of Bella in a "Girls Gone Wild" video haunt me as soon as I close my eyes.

_There is no chance of me sleeping tonight…_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: So Alice and Emmett have done their part, now it is all up to Bitterward. Are you guys ready for tomorrow? Next chapter will be Thursday in the story ;)**

**Hit LittleBlueButton and tell me what you think! Ronnie.**


	50. Chapter 50

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

On Thursday, when I come back from lunch, I am surprised to find Bella in the lab. She smiles at me, and I tense up. I expected her to be gone already. I don't know why she's here. The whole week I have been torturing myself with images of possibilities of what she will be doing for Spring Break. Googling "Spring Break activities" had seriously been a terrible idea.

Bella is not wearing her lab coat, and I can appreciate the fitted sweater she has on. Her collarbones peek through the V-neck, and the dark color of the sweater highlights her ivory skin. When I think of how said skin would look in a bikini, all I see is red.

Luckily, Jane is not in lab at the moment.

"I thought you had better things to do this week," I seethe as I pass by her on my way to my desk.

"What do you mean?"

When I turn to face her, her smile is gone.

"I didn't know you were coming today. I have no time for this." I wave a hand toward her.

"For what? I-I don't understand."

I don't know where all these lies are coming from, but they're just spilling out. "Honestly, Bella, sometimes I think you're only here for the course credits. This is not how science works. You need to be consistent." My voice comes out louder than I mean it to, and Bella flinches back.

"Why are you yelling at me? Is this because I missed two days? I'm sorry, Edward. I had to study. I'll make up for it, I promise."

I rub my fingers on my forehead. I'm about to snap— I can feel it. My hands are shaking and my heart is hammering in my chest. I know it's not her fault, but I am livid and way past being in control. I need some air to calm down.

"Have fun on Spring Break," I say through my teeth as I walk past her and storm out the door.

"Edward?" she calls behind me, but I'm gone.

The cool spring air feels nice on my face, and I take in big gulps of it— as if I've been submerged in water for way too long.

I can't do this anymore. This is crazy.

I don't make it to the patch of trees next to the parking lot when I hear Bella's voice behind me.

"Edward, what's the matter with you?" I didn't realize she had followed me. I turn around, and she's standing there —looking confused and hurt— and as usual, incredibly beautiful.

There's no point in trying to pretend— I can't anymore.

"I don't think you really want to know, Bella." I run a hand down my face, trying to collect myself.

When my eyes find her again, she crosses her arms over her chest. She doesn't say anything but looks at me expectantly.

"I fucking hate Spring Break. Okay? I hate that you're going to be parading yourself to some fucking frat losers. That you'll be young, and drunk, and reckless. I hate it. I hate _all_ of it."

Her expression changes, from confused to knowing, and she relaxes her pose immediately. Her arms drop to her sides, and she places her hands on her hips. The corner of her mouth turns up before she asks, "What are you talking about?"

_Is she seriously smirking?_

"I'm talking about you going to Cabo San Lucas for Spring Break."

"Who said I'm going to Cabo for Spring Break?" She is fully smiling now.

"I don't know, I mean... aren't you all?" I ask, looking at my feet.

_Okay, this is stupid._

"You have some serious misconception about undergrads, Edward. We are not all the same. In any case, that's not me... at all."

"So you're not going away for Spring Break?" I continue to stare down in embarrassment.

"No, I'm not. I was actually looking forward to having more time in lab, as I said… to make up for this week."

My eyes find hers, bewildered, as relief rushes through my body.

"You're not going away? You're staying here?" My voice is barely a whisper.

"Yes. That's what I said."

I take a deep breath and stagger back, feeling like an idiot. I can't believe I snapped at her this way. As the anger washes down, replaced by utter embarrassment, my knees weaken and I feel like I might seriously pass out. I wish I would have made it to the trees— I could use something to lean on at the moment.

"Edward? Are you all right?"

I laugh humorlessly. No, I'm not all right. This is too much.

She moves a couple steps in my direction. I don't think I'll be able to not kiss her if she comes any closer, so I lift my hand to her in warning and take another step back.

"Edward?" She pays no attention to my hand, moves it out of the way, and stands, right in front of me.

I close my eyes, and the truth just comes spilling out.

"All I could think about was some _punk _with his shirt off, and a baseball cap on backward, shoving beer down your throat... and it made me want to murder someone." I keep a hand on my chest because there is seriously something wrong going on in there.

She giggles. She fucking giggles at my agony! My eyes shot open, and she loses her smile slowly as I stare at her.

"These past few days have been a torture," I continue. "I can't get you out of my mind. All I can think about is you, and having your lips on mine, and your legs wrapped around my waist. You drive me insane, Bella. I can't... I can't think straight."

Bella's eyes are shining with emotion as she stares back at me. She closes the distance between us and with a shaky sigh, drops her head on my chest. My hand reaches for the back of her head, and I run a shaky hand over her hair. She pulls away, still looking down, so I circle two fingers under her chin and pull her face up. Her eyes are glistening, her bottom lip is sucked in under her teeth, and there's a lovely shade of red covering her cheeks.

I'm taken aback by the electric current that flows through me as our lips touch. I close my eyes and exhale through my nose. My hand cups her face, my thumb brushes against her ear while my fingers caress her neck. Bella reaches for my chest and fists my shirt as she pulls herself up to me. When my tongue slips in her mouth, I am unable to contain the moan that erupts from the back of my throat for being able to taste her sweetness again.

I can't not kiss Bella again. It won't be possible. I can't stay away from her anymore. I'm not even remotely strong enough.

Bella wraps a hand around my neck and pulls me even closer. I run a hand down her back and wrap it tightly around her waist. I know she can feel me pressing my hardness on her stomach, but I don't care. When she whimpers against my mouth, I know she's enjoying this too.

Is it possible that Bella has been yearning for this as much as I have?

_Tell her what you want, Cullen._

"Bella, wait." I move a hand to her shoulder and gently push her back, while the other remains on her face. She stumbles a little and holds on to my arm, she looks... dazed? "I don't want this to be another kiss you regret. I don't want you to be just carried away by the moment. I want… I want more."

She gapes at me, her chest rises and falls as she pants.

"I'm sorry I'm being so blunt, but I can't hide this anymore." I drop my hands to my sides and take a step back.

"What are you trying to say, Edward?" She looks at me in confusion.

"What I'm trying to say is that I want to see you Friday."

"Tomorrow? I-I think I can come in the afternoon between classes."

"Jesus Christ, Bella! Would you listen to me? I don't need you to come to lab. I want to see you Friday, _outside _of lab."

I pinch my nose and try to calm down. I'm afraid I'm being too intense, and she's going to run away from me.

"Oh..."

"My cousin is coming to visit. We are all going out for drinks. Do you want to come with me?"

She looks at me and nods. "Okay."

_Okay_... she said yes. Oh my fucking god, she said yes.

I take another deep breath. "I'm sorry I snapped at you like that."

"I know," she says and gives me a little grin that weakens my knees. My hand reaches for her face again —addicted to the softness of her skin—as I brush some of her hair behind her ear and rub my thumb on her cheek. She stares intently into my eyes as her cheeks burn. I'm debating with myself whether to kiss her again or not, when I see Aro's car drive into the parking lot, and I drop my hand at once.

_Shit…_

Bella looks back and sees Aro getting out of his car.

"I should go study, then…" Her eyes find me again and I nod. "I'll catch you later. Call me about tomorrow." She brushes a timid finger down my arms, and then she's gone.

I stay outside for a couple minutes, gathering my thoughts, and waiting form my heart to return to its healthy rhythm.

_I did it. I asked Bella out… sort of._

_Now what?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: He did it, guys! What do you think? Are you proud of Bitterward? ;)**

**We are reaching the end of the story. :( Only 10 chapters left.**

**One more later. R.**


	51. Chapter 51

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Alice has been following me around in my apartment as I get ready for tonight. "Have you been using that stubble trimmer I got you?" she asks, standing in front of me.

I nod at her uncomfortably as she runs a hand over my jaw.

I'm already regretting our group date tonight. As if going out with Bella isn't nerve-wracking enough, I had to add my cousin and friends to the mix.

I try to ignore Alice while running my hands through my damp hair.

"I think I've died and gone to heaven." Leave it to my cousin to be theatrical about every single thing. I turn to scowl at her as I fly by her, searching for my jacket.

"You are wearing a polo shirt?" she questions behind me.

"What's wrong with a polo shirt?" I snap at her, slapping my hands on my thighs exasperatedly.

I'm already nervous and anxious as shit about tonight, and her questioning my outfit is not helping. I take a deep breath and pinch my nose as Alice walks closer to me. She puts a hand on my arm and looks at me in awe.

"Edward, my oblivious cousin, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that polo shirt. As long as it doesn't have holes in it."

I breathe out a sigh of relief.

Never before have I been concerned over what my cousin thinks about my wardrobe. And honestly, I still don't care what _she _thinks, for it is Bella who I am trying to impress tonight— who I am trying to show I can be more than the bitter graduate student she works with. And I guess my cousin's approval of what I'm wearing tonight is as close as I'll get to Bella's.

"You look great," Alice says with a smile, and I relax— marginally. "If just thinking about her has you acting like this nervous mess, I already know I am going to love her."

...

Alice insists she'll ride with Emmett and Rosalie so I can pick up Bella by myself. Thus I'm in my car, parked in front of Bella's building, absolutely and conclusively freaking out. My palms are sweaty as a run them over my thighs, my heart is pounding in my chest, and my mouth is complete dry. I haven't done this in ages. Tanya and I never went out much. I was focused on my work, and she had her things going on… so I am really, really out of practice.

I can't deny I'm excited for Alice and Emmett, and hell even Rosalie, to meet Bella. For them to see what an outstanding person she is— how smart, caring and funny she is… But what I'm most excited about is actually seeing Bella, being with her outside of work, having the opportunity to interact with her and get to know her more.

I bang my head on the steering wheel a couple of times and take deep breaths, trying to get myself to calm down. My head snaps up as I hear knocking on the window, and I see Bella standing outside. She gives me a smile and a wave, and I unlock the door.

"Hey…" She comes in and sits down.

"I'm sorry. I was going to go get you. I just… I got distracted." I look at her from my seat, feeling like a complete asshole.

"It's okay." She shrugs. "Better this way anyway. I didn't want Jess to see us."

"Jess?" The name sounds familiar. Is it from one of the guys she mentioned in her sleep the other night? Was it the one with the boat?

"Jessica, my roommate," she explains. "She was also in your class last year, and she knows I'm working in your lab… so I don't want any rumors to spread. You know?"

"My class?" I look at her in disbelief. What is she talking about?

"Intro to Micro. Last Fall. You were our T.A.," she says simply.

"What?"

"We were both in your class." She doesn't seem surprised that I didn't seem to know this.

"I was your T.A. last year?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure it was me?" _How could this be possible?_

She turns to face me and raises her eyebrows. "Oh, I'm sure."

"I'm so sorry." _How could I not remember her from class?_

"It's okay. You keep to yourself. I get it."

"Do we know each other from anywhere else?" Now I'm worried. How many times have I crossed paths with Bella completely unaware of her presence?

_So much time wasted. How incredibly foolish of me._

"Just that class in the fall. Unless you count all the times I waved at you at the gym. Or how I smiled at you every Saturday you passed by my table at the library after getting your coffee."

She has been here all this time, and I have been completely oblivious.

"Shit, Bella. I'm so sorry. I've been such an idiot!" I bang the heel of my hand on my forehead a couple times before running it down my face.

"Hey, it's okay." Bella reaches for my hand and pulls it away from my face.

"No, it's not. I was completely blind… and I feel like I've wasted so much time."

"Well, I'm here now…" She smiles, letting go of my hand.

"You are."

"And you can see me now, right?"

"You're all I see now…" My chest swells with the truth of my words. Bella is all I see. There's no one else who has ever made me feel the way that she does. How she drives me crazy. How she makes me make a fool of myself, time and time again. She's all I see —she's everything.

"You see?" Bella starts, clasping her hands over her lap. "When you say stuff like that, it makes it really hard to believe you can be such a grump." She smiles timidly at me, and even though all I want to do is press my lips to hers, I decide, for the sake of our group date, to turn it down a notch.

"Well, no need to worry. I'm still very much a grump." I smile back at her and take a deep breath. "Shall we do this?"

Bella nods and I start the car.

_I don't mind being a grump, as long as I can be _her_ grump._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: See you tomorrow! R.**


	52. Chapter 52

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

When we arrive at the bar, I rush to open Bella's door, but of course, she's already coming out as I get to her side. My eyes are met with exposed skin and freckles and collarbones. I can't believe I didn't notice in the car— I must have really been a nervous mess.

Oh, but I notice now.

I notice how her white top is way too big for her, and the neckline is falling down to the middle of her arms. Luckily, she's wearing something else underneath. Jesus Christ, whatever she has on top is see-through, and I can make out her figure under it. And apparently I'm not the only one— the douche bag smoking outside the bar is ogling Bella right in front of me. I put a hand on Bella's lower back and steer her inside quickly.

Emmett, Alice, and Rosalie are already sitting at a table. As soon as she sees us, my cousin's face lights up in complete and utter happiness. I'm almost afraid she'll start taking pictures or some shit.

"Bella, this is my cousin, Alice. Alice, this is Bella." Alice is already standing up before I'm done introducing them.

"Bella!" Alice embraces Bella in a bear hug, while smiling at me broadly. "It's so nice to finally meet you."

_Geez, Alice, stop being so weird!_

"Nice to meet you too, Alice." Bella's voice is sweet as she smiles at my cousin.

"And you've already met Emmett and Rosalie." I wave my hand to the other two doofuses who are staring at us in awe.

"Hi Bella! How's life in the undergraduate world?" Emmett teases as I pull a chair out for Bella.

"Lotta drinking, lotta partying… you know. Same old, same old." Bella shrugs, grinning at Emmett, and he smiles broadly at her— she has already won him over.

…

"So… let's get to the important stuff." Emmett waves a hand to me, smirking. I knew it wouldn't take long for them to start teasing me. I roll my eyes at him.

"Oh! I know! Edward is wearing a polo shirt," Rosalie says to Emmett.

"I guess hell froze over, baby." Emmett snorts.

"I completely approve by the way," Alice points out, without looking at me.

_Here we go_, I groan internally. I'm about to say something to them, something along the lines of shut the fuck up, when timid fingers caress my thigh and I snap my eyes to Bella's. She's looking at me, a smile on her face, as she seizes my hand under the table.

"The cologne… maybe a tad too much?" I hear Rosalie say.

"Hey, I suggested that!" Alice snaps at her.

The others keep up their banter, but I don't care. They can go at it the whole night. I'm dazzled, enraptured— all I see and feel is Bella. The way her eyes tinkle as she smiles at me. How her fingers feel between mine. How she gently brushes her thumb on the palm of my hand.

A moment too soon, Bella turns her gaze from mine to face the other three.

"Why do you guys talk about him like he's not in the room?" Three sets of eyes fly to her face.

I can't believe the words I hear. In less than an hour of hanging out together, Bella has not only picked up, but confronted them, about the one thing that has bothered me for four years.

"I mean, that could get really annoying. I know it would drive _me_ crazy." Bella takes a sip from her drink as we all stare at her. "What?" Her eyes search around the table.

"Nothing," Alice steps in. "You actually have a very good point, Bella." Alice turns to face me and puts a hand on my arm. "I'm sorry."

The other two mutter apologies as I smile at Bella when she returns her attention to me.

"It does look nice though… your polo shirt," she says to me, biting her lip.

I chuckle and look down, afraid I might kiss her if I don't.

The night continues without any more problems. I'm amazed at the ease with which Bella handles Emmett and Alice, and even Rosalie. It takes me a while to get the courage, but by the end of the night, my hand is comfortably on the back of her chair while my fingers brush her bare shoulder.

I feel like I might be staring at her the whole night, and I don't care. I don't even know what they're talking about. Bella steals glances at me and smiles every single time. Sometimes she'll make a funny face or cross her eyes at me, making me almost choke on my beer. I think she's trying to get me to stop staring at her, but it's not working— and it's not going to work.

Once we get ready to leave, Bella moves her hand from my thigh and I let go of her shoulder. I feel at a loss immediately— I can't wait to get my hands on her again.

_Very romantic, Cullen._

Outside, while Bella says goodbye to Emmett and Rosalie, Alice approaches me and hugs me.

"I'm staying with Em and Rose tonight," she whispers in my ear.

"Alice, you don't need to-"

"Nonsense!" she says as she releases me. I've never seen her smile so much. Her jaw must be hurting. "I love her," she mouths as she walks away from me. It makes me smile, and I look down.

"Oh, you're not coming with us?" Bella asks Alice.

"Nope. I need to help Rose pick an outfit for tomorrow. It was really nice to meet you, Bella. I hope to see you soon." Alice hugs Bella again and whispers something in her ear which I can't hear.

A few seconds later, Bella and I are walking to my car.

I open the door for Bella, and she smiles at me as she gets in.

On the way to her apartment, Bella asks me about Alice and how close we are. I tell her how I moved in with them when I was thirteen, and how we've been like brother and sister since then. Bella chooses not to ask me why I moved in with them, and I'm fine with that. It's not like I want to get into talking about my parents now.

We fall silent as I think about how I can prolong my time with her, but before I know it, we're in front of Bella's building, and I've run out of time.

"Can I be honest?" she asks, interrupting my thoughts.

"Please… Always."

"I don't want to go home just yet." She looks at me through her lashes, and I think my heart might pound its way out of my chest.

_She doesn't want to leave me either._

"Can I be honest too?"

She nods and bites her lip.

"I really want to kiss you right now." I lean an inch closer to her.

She lets out a soft sigh, and her teeth release her lip.

"Can I? Kiss you?" My voice is barely a whisper as I inch closer still.

She nods at me once, and the corners of her mouth turn up. I reach for her face with my hand as I slowly move closer to her. My fingers brush some of her hair back before seizing the nape of her neck and pulling her mouth to mine.

Our kiss starts out sweet and tender, and I take my time to taste both her bottom and upper lip. But it quickly turns desperate, as I can't get enough of her. Her hand fists the collar of my shirt, and she pulls me even closer— just as eager. I rest one hand on her thigh while the other comes under her hair to her neck.

"Bella…" I release her lips and breathe into her neck, trying to hang on to my control. "You need to go inside now, or I don't think I'll be able let you go."

"Why don't you come inside with me?" She pulls my face from her neck to look at me. Her eyes are hooded but she smiles. Her fingers trace patterns on my jaw line.

"What about… um… your roommate?" I can't, for the life of me, think of her name now.

"Jessica? She should be gone by now. It's Spring Break, remember? I might be the only undergrad left."

Bella wants me to go home with her.

Me… to her apartment… alone… with her…

_I think I might be the luckiest man on the face of the earth._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: \o/**

**More to come.**

**bwahahahahahahaha**

**See you guys later today. Ronnie.**


	53. Chapter 53

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

She smiles at me and holds my hand as she leads me into her apartment. Bella's apartment is small but comfy. It feels like a home, and it's not empty like mine. There are pictures and flowers, and it smells like vanilla. The kitchen, which looks like people actually cook in it, opens up to a small living room.

"Welcome to Casa de Jess and Bella!" Bella gestures with her hand. "Do you want a tour, Mister?"

I smile at her playfulness. What would have seemed childish to me before, now makes me want to play along. "If you'd be so kind, Madam."

Bella grabs my hand and takes me around her apartment, very politely introducing each room.

"And this is my bedroom." When she opens the door, my breath catches in my throat. Her bedroom looks like _Sesame Street_ threw up in it. There's pink and feathers everywhere. Her comforter is bright pink and says "little princess" in white.

_Oh dear God…_

"What do you think?" Bella looks at me seriously.

I scratch my neck as I try to come up with a decent answer.

Her bedroom is hideous.

"Um… well… interesting choice of colors there, Swan." There. That's not a lie.

She explodes in laughter then, and I look at her in confusion.

"Oh my God! Your face! Was priceless!" she says between giggles. "This is Jessica's room." She laughs so hard, she leans onto the doorframe holding her stomach.

"Oh thank God…" I breathe out in relief. "I don't think I'd be able to sleep in here without having nightmares." I smile at her and lean onto the opposite side of the doorframe.

Bella's expression changes from playful to serious as she takes one step closer to me. "Do you expect to be sleeping in my bed anytime soon, Mr. Cullen?"

"Shit… no… I'm sorry. That's not what I meant." I run a hand through my hair in embarrassment, hoping I didn't offend her with my word vomit.

_Jesus Christ, what is she doing to me?_

"Hey…" She steps between my legs and puts a hand on my chest. "I was joking." She smiles up at me, and my heart speeds up— I can feel it hammering under her hand. I have kept this bottled up for too long— I can't stop myself now. I want her. I need her. I ache for her.

With my thumb, I trace her lip and the corner of her smile. "You know what's the first thing I noticed about you, Bella?" She stares intensely at me as she shakes her head. "Your smile… It's so beautiful."

She smiles broader before she speaks. "When _you_ smile, the right corner of your mouth turns up first, and then the other one joins in. It's adorable."

"Adorable? Here I am, telling you I love your smile, and you tell me mine is imperfect. I'm hurt," I deadpan, with a hand on my chest.

"It's not imperfect. It's crooked and mind-blowingly sexy." She giggles and I snort.

"See? There it is." She places both hands around my face and pulls herself up to kiss me. Her lips are soft against mine at first. I try crouching down to level our heights but the position is uncomfortable, so I just pull her up by her waist as she wraps her legs over my hips. Bella's arms circle around my neck as she deepens the kiss. When her tongue slips in my mouth, I moan and press her against the frame where she was standing— laughing at me— just seconds ago.

My breath comes out in pants as I release her lips and kiss her neck. I try my best not to grind against her, but she is moaning in my ear, fisting and pulling my hair, making pressure with her calves, pushing me closer, and there's only so much a guy can take. Painfully hard inside my jeans, I rub against her, groaning into her neck at the electrifying feeling of the much needed friction. Bella whimpers and moves her hips against me while her hands clutch my neck.

"Next door to the left," she whispers in my ear.

_Holy shit…_

Bella is still wrapped around me as I walk us to her bedroom. As soon as I open the door, I'm struck by how much her room smells like her. It's overwhelmingly divine. I'm trying to keep my cool— to be smooth and careful— but I still end up slumping roughly on top of Bella on her bed. She lets out a little squeal and giggles as she grabs the hem of my polo shirt and pulls it off of me. Her hand runs from behind my neck, over my collarbone and onto my chest. Her fingers trail little patterns as they work their way down, making me shudder.

I feel like every single cell on my body is sensory charged at its max. I feel everything. I feel too much.

_I need to slow down._

"Bella…" I groan in her ear when I feel her fingers tracing the button-fly of my jeans. "You make me feel like a fucking teenager."

She giggles at my choice of words as my lips find hers. Before I know it, her hand has found its way into my boxers, and when she circles her fingers around me, I groan loudly into her lips. She strokes me once, tentatively, softly, but making firm pressure with her hands. After a couple strokes, it's already way too much.

"Bella, stop… please," I beg, panting into her neck, trying to gather some control. I could come in her hand— I'm _that_ close. It's been way too long.

_Holy fucking shit! I need to slow down._

"Sorry." She releases me and I sigh. "Too much… too soon?" she asks.

"Yes… No… I-I just need a minute." I press my forehead into her neck and try to breathe my impending orgasm away.

"Okay," she whispers as her hand returns to my hair.

My hands find their way under her shirt. I lift my weight off of her and pull her shirt off.

The view in front of me takes my breath away. Her arms stretched over her head, a devilish smile on her lips, and eyes that burn with intensity into mine. I feel like my heart might explode in my chest.

"Polkadots?" I tease as her hands fly to my neck and she pulls me back to her lips. Bella's kisses are so eager— she bites and pulls at my bottom lip, straining my already weakened self control.

I move back to kiss her neck while my hand slips under her back. "God, you are so beautiful…" I whisper between kisses as I unclasp her bra.

Once her bra is off, I trail kisses from her neck, over her collarbone, and to her chest, while my hands cup her breasts. Bella squirms under me as I circle her nipples, and I try to focus in everything but the reaction her moans are causing inside my jeans.

"Can I touch you now?" Her voice is raspy and filled with lust.

"Not yet," I whisper in her ear as my fingers unbutton her jeans.

"Not fair…" she moans while my fingers dip inside her panties.

_Sweet Mother of God…_

My fingers find nothing but wetness, and silkiness, and smoothness, and I can't fucking wait to be inside of her. My dick painfully agrees with me as I grind into her leg, unable to contain myself anymore.

"God, Bella…"

Bella whimpers under me as I circle my fingers to pleasure her. I dip one finger inside of her, then another. When she screams my name in pleasure, I feel like I could cry of happiness into her neck.

"Edward, please…" she pants, pulling at my hair. "I want to touch you… please… I need to feel you."

_God…_

In a swift move, I have Bella completely naked under me, still gasping and panting. I take the condom from my wallet, and in a couple of seconds, I'm also naked on top of her. I wrap my fingers around her wrist and guide her hand to feel me— all of me.

With her hand clasped around me, she moves me up and down her entrance, spreading her moisture all around me.

I keep one hand around her breast, while the other one fists the blanket next to her face as I try futilely to keep myself in control. My eyes find hers and she stares intensely at me.

"Edward, what are we doing?" Her hand is still around me.

"God… I don't know…" I pant and drop my forehead to her neck.

"Is this wrong?"

"Feels right to me." I groan into her shoulder as she increases the pressure with her hand.

"I mean… isn't this against the rules?"

_How can she be coherent right now? I'm about to lose it and I'm not even in her yet!_

"I-I don't know, Bella… Honestly, the rules are very blurry right now."

"I want you," she whispers huskily into my ear.

"God, Bella. I want you too… so fucking much."

"Would we get in trouble for this?" There's clear worry in her voice.

I lift my head to find her eyes. "I don't know… I don't care… Do you?"

_Please, please, please, don't ask me to stop now. Please..._

She shakes her head and pulls my face closer to her in a kiss, as she positions herself for me to enter her.

_Thank you, God._

My eyes stay on Bella's as our bodies connect. The sensation of being surrounded by her is mind-blowing and I need a minute to adjust myself to it. Bella closes her eyes, moans, and arches her back as I slowly reach the deepest part of her.

I pull out as slowly as I can manage, before I push into her again. My eyes roll back, my hands grip her hips, and a moan escapes through my clenched jaw.

I don't know if it's because I haven't been with anyone in so long, but being inside of Bella can't compare to anything I've experienced in my life. No one comes even close.

Soon enough, our bodies start moving in sync, and I find myself terrified I won't be able to last enough to satisfy her. Preoccupied with my endurance, I look for distractions in her breasts, her neck, her lips, but every single part of her body turns me on even more.

So I distract myself mentally, with the first thing I can think of.

_There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium… And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium... And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium…And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium…_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Welp! He's reciting the elements!**

**The elements song belongs to Tom Lehers, but the periodic table I guess belongs to Dmitri Mendeleev. *Edward's voice* You can google it :) Also, if you feel so inclined, you can see Daniel Radcliffe singing it here www(.)youtube(.)com/watch?v=rSAaiYKF0cs&feature=related**

**So... yeah... that just happened. I'll see you guys tomorrow! R.**


	54. Chapter 54

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

**Little clarification: It was not a four year-old condom, guys! Let's just say Alice got him well prepared for his date. ;) Yeah, she's that kind of weird. And, from then on they always do safe sex, but there'd be no mention of condoms, K?**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

It's Tuesday morning and it's extremely early. I have so much to do in lab, I don't think the day will be long enough. I'm spent. The past couple of days have been draining, to say the least, but how couldn't they? They have been the best couple of days in my whole life.

Bella and I spent the weekend together, mainly in her bed or on her couch. I can't remember when was the last time I didn't work on a weekend. Well, to be honest, I did do some research: I studied and explored every single inch of Bella's body, and I don't see how I could ever get enough of her.

Bella told me more about her family, her childhood, her accident. I avoided telling her about mine, distracting her with more questions about herself. She confessed that I might have had something to do with her choosing Aro's lab. She said that she was deciding between two labs, and when she checked the lab's web page, she saw my picture. She remembered me, from when I was her oblivious T.A., so she went for it. I teased her about being my little stalker.

I found out that Bella can talk for ages, and more surprisingly, that I can listen, willingly and happily. She can also cook —amazingly good— and I'm starting to believe there's nothing Bella can't do. She is absolutely amazing.

I keep adding little quirky things to my Bella list. Like how none of her underwear is a solid color —everything is striped or has little patterns. She has a bra that has little pineapples prints on it, pineapples! She also likes to watch the same movies, over and over, to the point where she memorizes the dialog. She made me watch a movie about the RMS Titanic. When I asked if it was a documentary, she laughed in my face. I am glad I watched the movie though, at least I won't be asking her to go out sailing anytime soon.

I can't deny it was difficult to go back to work on Monday, and have her there, in front of me, the whole freaking day, without being able to get my hands on her… It was hard, painfully hard —pun fucking intended. There was no way around it though, Bella wanted to start her experiments, and since I neglected to come to lab Saturday or Sunday, I had a shit-ton to do as well. So we worked, the whole day, and managed to keep our hands off each other. And since Monday nights are "Swan Family Skype" nights, I went back home by myself, where I twisted and turned on my bed all night, missing Bella like Rose missed the fact that there was enough room for two on that board.

I'm dragging my feet through the hallways not fully awake yet, when I find Bella sitting down next to the door of the lab. She has her earphones on, and she's bobbing her head while humming a song. As soon as she sees me, she takes the earphones off and gets up, smiling broadly at me.

_I will never get tired of seeing her smile…_

"God, Bella. What are you doing here so early?" No matter how beautiful her smile is, I'm still a grump in the morning, and she's too beautiful and too happy for this ungodly hour of the day.

"I couldn't sleep! I can't wait to look at the petri plates and see if the experiment worked!"

_Of course…_

"Mmmmhhmmmm…" I hum as I get the keys out.

"I mean, it's nerve-racking! A whole day of work, preparing for it… and then you have to wait sixteen hours— sixteen hours!— to see if it worked?"

The key to the lab gets stuck in the lock, and I try jiggling it up and down.

"C'mon, c'mon…" she chants, jumping around.

"Bella…" I groan, turning to face her. "I haven't had coffee yet. Would you calm the fuck down?"

As soon as the door is open, she storms in, tripping over me and almost falling on her face. Then she disappears in front of me on her way to the incubator.

I continue to drag my feet to my desk as I hear her chanting. "YES! YES! YES! YES!"

I snort… I guess her experiment worked.

I find her on the bench, setting the petri dishes down.

"They worked!" she squeals, running into me. I barely catch her as she jumps on me, wrapping her legs around me.

_How does she have this much energy? It's not even eight yet!_

"Jesus Christ, woman! What are you on this morning?"

Her arms are around my neck, and she never stops smiling at me. My own lips are threatening to turn up.

"Hi, Grumpy." She runs a hand through my hair behind my ear.

"Hi…"

"Good morning."

"Morning, Bella."

Her lips find mine and I'm done.

I moan into her mouth as she fists my hair, and I'm ready to take her, right here, right now, on the bench, on the floor, I don't care.

Except I do care… we're in the lab.

_Shit…_

"Bella…" I whisper, kissing her neck.

"Hmmm?"

"Someone might come in." I nibble her earlobe, making her squirm.

"It's early," she whispers, her voice husky as she pulls at my hair.

_God..._

I set her on the bench clumsily, knocking some of her plates over.

"Shit... sorry." My hands try to pick up some of the plates, but she's pulling at my jeans, pressing herself on me, and I end up making a bigger mess.

"Did you touch my samples?" she asks, feigning anger. I know what she's doing. She's throwing my words back at me, from that day I snapped at her.

I turn to look at her with a smile, but the hooded expression on her face, plus the way she's biting her lip, pull at the last string of my resolve.

My lips find hers desperately, my hands run under her shirt, and I press her back onto the bench, knocking more plates over.

_Fuck, I'm going to ruin her experiment._

My arms wrap around her, and I lift her from the bench. She locks her legs around my waist and moves her hips against me. I intend to move her to the other bench behind me, which is almost always unused. However, Bella grinding herself on me compromises my dexterity, and I end up knocking over a chair and slamming my back painfully against the corner of the bench while I manage not to drop Bella or fall on my ass, or both. I groan in pain into her neck as I secure my hands under her ass.

"Are you okay?"

The pain on my back clears my head before I set Bella on the empty bench, and I realize what we're about to do, in the middle of the lab, on a Tuesday morning when anyone could walk in any minute.

As if to prove my point, I hear rattling keys from the hallway.

_Shit…_

I let go of Bella's legs, and she stumbles in front of me. I steady her and I'm able to take a step back right before Jane walks in the lab.

Bella smoothes out her shirt and starts picking up her plates as I run one hand through my hair and rub the sore spot in my back with the other.

The pain on my back is nothing compared to the throbbing situation going on in my pants, but there's nothing I can do about that now.

Jane looks at us with raised eyebrows before she walks to her desk. I sigh in frustration and eye Bella— she's still picking up her plates, her face crimson red.

_Could we be any more obvious?_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Jane does have an aim to cockblock these two, doesn't she?**

**I have a CPR/First Aid training today the whole day... so this is probably it. There's still some editing and betaing that needs to be done to the last 6 chapters, so I think it'd be easier if I post them one a day. Can you love me anyway?**

**Thank you for sticking with the story, for reading, reviewing, and pimping it on twitter. You guys are awesome!**


	55. Chapter 55

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Bella and I discuss her results as Jane pretends not to be paying attention to us. Bella did an outstanding job with her samples, and even though I am extremely proud, I want her to know this doesn't happen often—so she can appreciate it when it does, but won't be crushed when it doesn't.

"Are you familiar with Murphy's law?" I ask, once she's done writing in her notebook.

"Yes… of course." She turns to look at me. "Oh! Are you named after him?"

"What? Not that I know of. His name was Edward?" I always knew the guy as Murphy.

"Yep. Edward Murphy." She closes her notebook and starts putting away her things.

"You're kidding," I say in disbelief, walking closer to her.

"No, I'm not."

"How do you know that?"

"I watch _Jeopardy_, a lot." A small smile tugs at her lips as she gazes up embarrassedly at me.

"Why am I not surprised by that?"

She shrugs as she removes her lab coat, and I am instantly distracted. "Were you going to say something about Murphy?"

"Yeah…" I snap out of my jeans-and-tight-t-shirt-induced trance, searching for what it was I was going to say to her. Murphy's law. Right. "His law applies to the lab too."

"Oh, I know. 'Everything that can go wrong will go wrong.'"

"Exactly." I nod.

"I don't believe in that though."

"Of course you don't." I've inched myself closer to her, and now I am standing right beside her.

She waves a hand over her successful experiment, making her point with a lovely smile. "Besides," she says. "Murphy was a pessimistic loser."

"And you're a glass-half-full kind of girl?" I probe, still towering over her.

"Technically, the glass is always full. Half with water. Half with air." Her eyes crinkle as she stares up a me, a tantalizing expression on her face.

"Are you trying to be a smart ass?" I rest my elbow on the bench, so that we are face to face.

"That depends." She lowers her voice— her eyes on mine.

"On what?"

"Do you like smart asses?" She runs a finger on my forearm, and I realize I've leaned into her way too closely. The touch of her finger sends an electric current through my body that ends exactly between my legs.

I give her a warning look as I stagger back.

_She can't possibly be doing this to me!_

I don't need another painful erection to will away.

"Anyway…" She takes a deep breath. "How many of his laws do you know?"

How classic Bella! I try to teach her a lesson, and it turns out she knows more about this than me.

"Just the one," I admit sheepishly, taking a deep breath myself.

"That's it?" She looks at me, surprised and with raised eyebrows.

"Enlighten me, then."

"'Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse,'" she recites proudly.

I might just be the biggest nerd on the planet, but I find the fact that she knows this shit incredibly sexy. My eyes dart to the clock on the wall; I still have hours of work ahead of me. How inconvenient!

I swallow hard. "That's a good one, and it's actually true."

"'Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.'"

I chuckle at that one. "Also true."

"Geez, Edward, you're one of the grumpiest, most pessimistic people I know and you don't know any of these?" Her hands fly to her hips as she looks at me teasingly.

All right, that's it… I straighten my back from the bench and glare at her. She's asking for it. She's provoking me.

_God, I want her so much._

"Last one. I promise," she says with a smile. "'Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.' I learned that one the hard way."

My laugh combines with Bella's giggles, and Jane clears her throat from behind her bench. "Would you guys keep it down? I'm trying to do science here."

I roll my eyes at stick-up-her-ass Jane and turn to face Bella. She's running a hand over her ponytail as her giggles subside.

Her expression is one of true happiness, and my eyes get lost in hers. My own bottom lip is sucked under my teeth as I take in the beauty of Bella's face.

My eyes dart to the clock again— I couldn't possibly wait that long.

"Bella," I say, trying to keep my voice even, "I think we better go take a look at that gel." I can't believe the words that escape my mouth.

"What gel?" Bella asks, oblivious.

I stare intently at her, my back to Jane. "_The_ gel, Bella."

"Oh… right," she says with a knowing smile on her face.

Bella heads out, with me trailing behind her, to the dark room.

Once inside, I turn the lights off so that the IN USE signal goes on. As soon as I do, Bella takes in a sharp breath.

"Are you trying to drive me mad?" I ask, reaching for her face in the darkness.

"Maybe," she whispers.

My hands travel to her neck, under her ponytail, where I seize the hairband and release her hair.

"Bella…" I press myself onto her against the bench. "This is not very smart. We could get caught." I grab her legs and pull her up on the counter.

"Not smart…" she says into my neck.

"Do you know how difficult it is for me to keep my hands to myself without you provoking me?" I run a hand under her shirt, over her ribcage, to cup her breast, and she gasps. "Do you know how _hard_ it is?" I press myself between her legs to make the point.

"Oh, it's hard all right." She giggles, pressing herself against me, locking her legs around me.

"You make me insane, Bella…" I say, biting her lip. She moans against me as her hands fist my hair. "Please... can I?"

"Oh God, yes… Edward, please."

She doesn't have to ask twice. I lift her from the bench with one hand, while the other works the buttons of her jeans. A few seconds later, I'm pounding into her while I stifle my moans into her shoulder.

_God bless the dark room!_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: BlueBallBitterward no more *\o/***


	56. Chapter 56

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

We spend the next few weeks like this, doing lab work and struggling to keep our hands off each other. She teases me, she contradicts me, she drives me mad, she excites me, she motivates me, she challenges me… And I've never been happier.

Having Bella in my life has completely changed me. I can't recall ever having so much fun at work. I find myself laughing frequently and making jokes that don't involve anyone getting hurt. I love explaining new approaches to Bella, discussing them with her, having her challenge me. I never thought mentoring someone could be so fulfilling— so exciting. Bella inspires me to be better... to be happier, to have fun.

I think everyone in lab suspects that there is something going on between us, but we still try our best to keep to ourselves. We tried going out a couple times, but every time we'd run into someone and then the date would be ruined trying to keep up with appearances.

Honestly, it is fucking annoying. I don't care what anyone thinks, but we don't want to risk me getting in trouble with Aro or her losing the chance to work in the lab. So we keep it up— we act professional— even though we've had sex in the dark room eight times… not that I'm counting or anything.

As the semester starts to come to an end, I find it harder and harder to keep following Alice's advice and not overthink the future. I know Bella is hoping to get a summer internship in the lab. I haven't told her that's highly unlikely— Aro has never offered an internship to a student after only one semester of work. I could put in a good word for her, but she doesn't want me to. She doesn't want me to favor her in any way.

So there's the possibility that she might get an internship somewhere else. She might leave for the summer.

_God, she'll leave for the summer._

That will be one long and miserable summer.

Dammit, I'm doing exactly what Alice said I shouldn't do.

I'm sitting in my car, waiting for her to come out. Aro is hosting the department's party at his house for the end of the semester, and I'm driving Bella to it. As if keeping up appearances in lab isn't hard enough, tonight we have to pretend in front of the whole department. I also have to pick up Emmett and Rosalie, because apparently, if we arrive in a group it's less obvious than if Bella and I arrive by ourselves.

_Why can't I just give her a ride? Who else is she going to go with?_

I'm not allowed to wait for her at her door either, so I have to wait in the car like a creep— like a rude creep.

My annoyance dissipates as soon as I see Bella walking out of her building.

_Thank God for May weather—Bella is wearing a skirt!_

She smiles at me through the window before she gets in the car. Her hair is down and wavy, and it's flowing over one shoulder.

As soon as she's inside, her lips collide with mine, her hands fly to my neck, and mine seize her waist. I breathe in deeply through my nose, enjoying her scent. Even though we have been together for two months, I still can't get enough of her. The acute desperation of not having her with me is the same, if not stronger, than day one.

"Hi…" she says with a sigh as she releases my lips. Her hands stay behind my neck as her fingers trace patterns in my hair. My eyes remain closed, enjoying her touch— I fucking love when she does this to my hair.

"Hi…" I breathe in deeply, touching my forehead to hers. "You're wearing a skirt." I groan as my hand trails down from her waist, over her thigh, and under the soft fabric.

"I am," she says while kissing my neck. I rub my hand up and down her inner thigh, teasing, every time reaching a little closer to where I want my fingers to be. "What are you doing?" she whispers hoarsely in my ear.

"I don't want to go to this thing." I nibble her earlobe. "Can we go inside?" My fingers are already over her panties, but she clenches her thighs, trapping my hand between them.

"No…" She breathes out shakily. "You promised we'd go. Aro invited me personally. Please."

I remove my hand at her plea and move back so that our foreheads are touching again.

"But you're wearing a skirt. You know what that will to do to me?" I caress her thigh again, unable to keep my hands to myself.

"I have an idea." She giggles.

"I'm going to be fucking hard and uncomfortable the whole time."

"I'll take care of it afterward," she promises. I groan again as I move back to my seat and start the car. "Thank you," she whispers.

I drive while Bella fumbles with the radio, not liking any of the music that's playing.

"Oh I know!" Her hands reach to the glove box. "Can we listen to this?" Bella asks, holding my mom's Carpenters CD in her hands.

My chest tightens, but I try to smile at her anyway. I have not told her about my parents yet, and even after I told her I moved in with my aunt and uncle when I was a kid, she hasn't asked. I know she knows something's up —she probably already came up with her own theory. Every time we talk about her parents, she gets this look on her face, like she's debating with herself whether to ask me or not. But I know she's giving me time— she's waiting so that I tell her myself.

"Not a chance," I snap back. This is what we do. We go back and forth, teasingly, driving each other crazy.

"C'mon, I want to listen to it."

"Well, I don't."

"Why do you have a Carpenters CD if you don't like them?"

I sigh. "Bella…"

I really don't want to get into this. I just want to get through tonight.

"Come on, just one song. Please?"

I look at her. She's stares back at me with eager eyes and a smile on her face. How can I say no?

I nod at her and get my attention back on the road. She opens the case and I know she can see my mom's note. My chest tightens again.

"Oh..." she says and turns to look at me. "You didn't want me to see this." She closes the CD case again. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

"It's okay, Bella. Put the CD on. It's fine."

"No, Edward. I'm sorry. This obviously has some sentimental value to you, and I was teasing you for it. I'm so sorry." Honest worry colors her voice, and I turn my gaze to her. Her face contours in embarrassment and concern —she thinks she has hurt my feelings.

"Hey, don't get upset." I reach for her face and rub my thumb on her cheek. "Listen, I'll tell you what. Let's forget about this whole thing, and I promise to tell you everything about that note, but just not tonight. Okay?"

I will tell her. I have to. I want to.

"I'm sorry," she says apologetically, her eyes glued to mine.

"It's fine." I give her a little smile and continue to drive.

I push the thoughts of my parents to the back of my mind while I reach for my iPod, knowing exactly what will cheer her up. Once I have The Police playing, she's back to smiling and all is right in the world.

I grab her hand over her thigh and intertwine my fingers with hers on top of her skirt.

_Oh God, the skirt… the party… this is going to be hell!_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Theories? Anyone want to take a guess at what the note says?**

**YOU GUYS! GB is up for Fic of the Week on The Lemonade Stand! You can vote if you want to! www(.)tehlemonadestand(.)net**

**I can't say this enough, but you guys rock my world with your reviews! I still can't believe people actually enjoy reading something I wrote! Mind-blowing!**

**I'm a little behind answering to your reviews, but trust me, I've read all of them and will answer soon.**

**Thanks again for reading! R.**


	57. Chapter 57

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

***Special thanks to my brain twin Kristen for helping with the names and Chrisska (whose birthday is today btw! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) for her awesome song choice.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

"Hi, Bella. Ready to mingle with the elders?" Emmett asks as he gets in the car and sits behind me.

"So, how are we gonna do this?" Rosalie asks, sitting behind Bella.

"Can we just not make it a big deal? We're just giving Bella a ride. That's all." I try to make my point, but of course, none of them listen.

"Bella, you and I could walk in together first. And then the boys could trail behind us." Rosalie props herself between our seats.

"Or… I could go in with Bella, my arm around her neck… you know, try to spread different rumors," Emmett says behind me. "Ow!" he yells after being elbowed by Rosalie. "C'mon, babe! I keed, I keed."

"Jesus, Emmett. That stupid dog impersonation is really getting old." I can see Rosalie bitchfacing Emmett through the rearview mirror.

"How is this not making it a big deal?" I groan to myself.

"How about we all walk in holding hands, all four of us?" Bella suggests then.

I turn to scowl at her. "You too?" She smiles at me, scrunching her nose.

…

We arrive to Aro's house and go in together. Bella walks in front of me, next to Rosalie, as I trail behind with Emmett.

Once inside, Bella gives me one quick glance, and then walks away from me.

I greet Aro, get a drink, and find a spot by the back wall. Some of the postdocs from the lab are here as well, with their families. I talk to some of them; even play for a bit with one of the little kids. He's wearing a little sweater that says "Future Scientist." I snort. Hope he's smart and becomes an engineer instead.

I am, surprisingly, not having a dreadful time. I sit by the back wall and look at Bella, who seems to be enjoying herself as well. She's talking to Prof. Tanner, one of the few women professors in the department. I've never spoken to her— she's got a reputation of being a royal bitch— but she's all smiles for Bella. Go figure. As Bella leaves Prof. Tanner and mingles around the room, I wonder if there's anyone who wouldn't be completely captivated by Bella.

As if to answer my question, James appears out of nowhere from behind Bella and gives her a kiss on the cheek. She flinches as I shoot up from my chair.

"She's got it under control," Rosalie whispers, holding me in place by my elbow, as we both see how Bella steps away from James, says something to him, and then he's gone. I breathe out in relief and sink back on the chair. Bella turns her head to me briefly, gives me a quick glance, and continues to mingle around the room.

"Edward, you've got to get yourself together. You're staring at her like some creepy stalker," Rosalie says, letting go of my elbow.

I sigh and turn to look at her. I know we butt heads a lot, but under that cold, bitchy exterior of hers, Rosalie has my best interests at heart. She might have a weird way of showing it, but she's a good friend, and she's right.

Emmett comes behind her with another round of drinks, and I begin to relax. I'm glad to have Emmett and Rosalie by my side.

When my eyes find Bella again, she is talking to Aro. They seem immersed in a serious topic, and I'd bet my stipend it's about her project. Even from the distance, I can see how passionately she is talking about it. My chest swells with pride at how far she's come in only one semester of work. How confident she seems now. How she handles herself in front of Aro.

While talking to her, Aro peeks creepily at me a couple times. I try to pretend that I'm not looking at them, but to be honest, I really don't know how successful I am. I begin to wonder what's going on in his head. Is he proud of Bella? Does he see what I see in her?

"Dude, Jane is death-staring at you," Emmett whispers next to me, subtly pointing, interrupting my thoughts. I turn at his gesture and find Jane's piercing blue eyes on me. As soon as I do, she drops her gaze down.

I shrug at Emmett and look for Bella again, but she's no longer with Aro.

"She does have a freaky stare. You think she suspects something?" Emmett continues.

"Probably, I mean… I don't how much longer I'll be able to keep this charade up. It's fucking torture." I rub a hand on my chest, where a pressure started to build up as soon as Bella walked away from me when we arrived.

"Douchewand can't take a hint, huh?" Emmett asks as I find Bella, who is now accepting a drink from James.

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

My hand turns into a fist over my thigh as I chug the contents of my glass. I take a deep breath and try to remain on the chair.

Bella smiles politely at James, and I'm minimally relieved to notice that her smile does not seem real— it doesn't make her eyes shine like when she smiles at me. I still don't like it. It still makes me murderously angry. I want Bella by my side. I want everyone to know she's mine. I want James fucking Douchewand to back the fuck down.

"Dude, calm down," Emmett whispers with a hand on my shoulder. I turn to look at him and breathe out hard through my nose.

My night is ruined. I'm pissed and about to snap.

"I can't, okay? I-I'm going to go take a breather." I shoot up from my chair and try hard not to look at Bella. I don't want to see her with him anymore. I'm afraid if I do, I'll run to her, snatch her hand, and drag her out of here like a neanderthal.

"Want me to go with you?" Emmett stands up beside me. He seems genuinely concerned.

"No. I'm fine," I say dismissively, but hardly convincing.

_This is fucking ridiculous!_

I make my way to Aro's enormous backyard and search for a place in the darkness where I can sit, trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I don't understand what I'm feeling. What the pressure in my chest is. Why it hurts— why it physically hurts. I am sure there is no tissue damage in my heart, unless I have a coronary dysfunction I am unaware of... I should probably mention it to Carlisle at my next checkup.

I sigh, sinking on a bench.

_Shit, I'm losing my mind or turning into a hypochondriac... or both._

I want Bella. I need her. I hurt when she's far from me. I miss her. I love her.

_God, I'm in love with Bella._

My head drops on my hands.

_Is that what this is?_

I'm in love.

I thought that was supposed to make me happy, not miserable.

Well, I _am_ happy when I'm with her.

"Hey… what's wrong?"

Lost in my mental rambling, I missed Bella coming outside. I lift my head from my hands and rest my back on the bench.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I fail miserably at hiding the anger from my voice.

"Edward…" She sits beside me and grabs my hand.

"This fucking sucks, Bella!" I snap at her, but she doesn't flinch away from me —she doesn't scowl at me. She knows me so well already. She understands that sometimes I am rough around the edges, but I don't mean to snap at her —I don't mean to be an ass to her.

"What sucks?" Her voice is calmed, controlled. I don't know how she does it.

"This stupid party…" I trail off, staring at our hands.

She laughs. "Are you drunk?"

"No, I'm not!" After realizing I've raised my voice at her again, I groan and try to take a deep breath. "I want you— beside _me_. I want to tell James to back off because you're _mine_. I want to hold your hand. Put _my_ arm around you— keep you warm. I don't want to hide this anymore."

"I know…" Bella reaches for my face and runs her fingers through the hair behind my ear while I lean into her hand and close my eyes. "I want to be beside you too," she whispers softly, undoing me completely. "But right now that's not smart for us. The semester is almost over, Edward. I'll find an internship in a different lab, and then we won't have to hide anymore."

So I'm screwed either way. She either finds an internship in a different lab —which means we don't have to keep this a secret anymore— but I won't have her in lab with me, or she stays in lab and we have to keep this shit up.

"Can we go soon?" I plead. I'm over this shit. I want to go home and take Bella to my bed where I can rip that skirt off of her and—

"We just got here." She giggles. "Now stop being so grumpy, and let's get back in there." She rises from the bench, but I keep my hand around hers.

"You know I hate when you call me Grumpy."

"No you don't. You love it." She smiles.

_I do love it. And I love you._

The words burn in my throat, but I don't let them come out.

I pull her between my legs and, with one hand on her cheek, bring her lips to mine. She kisses me back— softly— but, with a hand on my chest, gently pushes me away.

I groan, dropping my hand from her face, as I stand up.

"I'll go in first… you come back in a couple minutes. Okay?" She runs her fingers over my chest once and then lets go.

"Yes…"

"And try to have some fun."

"Yeeees…"

"You're being a big baby. You know that, right?"

"Bella, don't provoke me…" I sigh as I pull at my hair on the back of my neck.

"Okay… Okay… I promise to sit by you for a bit." She gives me a teasing smile and disappears behind the doors.

I drop back on the bench and wait for a few minutes. When I'm ready to get up to go back inside, Jane comes stumbling down.

"Edward! There you are."

"Jane," I say as she drops clumsily beside me.

"So… are you like social now?" she slurs, smiling at me. Her smile is dull— it doesn't touch her eyes like Bella's does, and it also doesn't agree with her face, at all.

"What do you mean?" I can't even fake interest in her question; I want to get back inside, to Bella.

"You never used to come to these things," Jane explains.

I shrug and stand up.

"Are you fucking your undergrad?" Jane's tone is accusing as she asks behind me.

I turn to glare at her. Okay, so she suspects something. She's also shit-faced. I knew they were going to start suspecting, but denying it it's not going to help, if anything, it's just going to make it worse, so I decide not to draw attention to it.

"Jane, I think you may want to stop drinking," I suggest, and she frowns. "I better get back before Emmett thinks I've left without him." I don't wait to hear what she says back.

When I get back inside, Bella is sitting with Emmett and Rosalie. She smiles at me as I sit next to her. Even though my fingers itch to get my hand on hers, and my eyes keep darting to the skin of her exposed legs, I manage to relax and start having a good time.

When Aro starts playing Nelly, and we see professors bobbing their heads and bending their knees, we decide we've had enough of this party— no one wants to see that kind of stuff.

_Dr. Amun-Kebi, bow tie and all, dancing to "Hot in Here"… I'm scarred for life._

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: E survived the party! Phew!**

**There's still time to vote on TLS for Fic of the Week! If you voted already, thank you guys so much! www(.)tehlemonadestand(.)net ... Also thanks to Twific Crackmum & Jenny Window who rec'd GB for this! *group hugs* It's an honor just to be there at all...**

**So the semester is almost over, and so is this story :( I don't know about you, but I've had a blast! See you tomorrow! R.**


	58. Chapter 58

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: I'm all sorts of sappy today, so please bear with me while you get through this A/N.**

**First of all, Bitterward would not exist if it wasn't for my Jaxy-love (****Jax713). She turned one little tweet about a hobolicious grad into what Bitterward is today. She pushed me when I got stuck and she always knew the right words to say. Plus she can channel Emmett like no one else! She's a good friend. I luffs you, sweets!**

******My beautiful Mel (****mcc101180) then helped me make this pretty for you. She's got amazing beta skills and I've learned more about grammar and punctuation from her than all the years I've spent in school ( And trust me, I've been in school for a looooong time). She's also responsible for my newly found love for em dashes. ;)**

**Finally****, this wouldn't have been half as fun without all of you reading and reviewing. Really, you've made this journey amazing! All your messages, your tweets, your chats, your PM's... they mean the world to me!**

***This is probably my favorite chapter of the whole story, so I want to dedicate it to Packy and Pwett. Every time they tweet GB, I get all the fluffy feelings. I luffs you two!  
**

**Okay... I'll let you get back to reading now.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Bella paces nervously through my room in her underwear, her hair still dripping wet from her shower.

"Bella, you're going to do great." My voice still sounds sleepy as my eyes follow her.

"You don't know that." She fumbles in her bag until she finds what she was looking for.

"You know this stuff better than anyone else who will be in that room," I say calmly as I prop myself up on my elbows.

"That's not true. You'll be there too." She turns to look at me as she runs a comb through her hair, untangling it.

"Exactly, so you've got nothing to worry about." I try smiling at her, but she's still frowning.

"I stutter when I'm nervous." She bites her lip as she gets her clothes out from her bag, bending over in front of me. I swallow hard. I want to grab her face and pull her back to bed with me, but I know that's not what she needs from me right now.

"Then try to relax," I say after a deep breath. "You have a remarkable amount of data, you know your project back and forth, and you've dedicated an impressive amount of time to it. You'll do great, Bella."

"What if Aro asks me something I don't know?" Her hands fly to her hips as she stares nervously at me. My eyes trail from her fingers to the edge of her panties— her smiley-faces panties.

I smile. "You don't have to know everything. I'll be there too —this is my project too. Remember it's not a test, and you're not meant to be grilled. The point of your seminar is just to discuss the results as a group. That's all."

She loses her frown slowly and grins at me as she gets back in the bed.

"Thank you," she whispers, getting on top of me, straddling me. Water trickles from her hair onto my bare shoulder as she brings her lips to mine and kisses me softly. She smells delicious and things start to quickly stir in my boxers.

I lay flat on my back and run my finger along the strap of her bra. "I know how to get you to relax."

"Not a chance, Grumpy. We'd be late." She rubs herself once over my wood, kisses me quickly on the lips, and moves off of me.

"You're a fucking tease, Swan." I groan, dropping my head back.

"And you have a foul mouth, Cullen." She disappears into the bathroom.

"Which, coincidentally, you love on you."

"That…" She peeks her head from the bathroom door— the toothbrush sticking out of her mouth. "I do."

I lazily get up from the bed and drag my feet to the bathroom, scratching my neck. She's still by the sink, brushing her teeth, in her underwear, making me impossibly harder. "You'll pay for my blue balls tonight," I say into her neck, making her giggle when my stubble brushes against her soft skin. She bends over to rinse her mouth and purposely presses her behind into the bulge in my boxers, making me groan. I smack her ass playfully, earning a squeal, as she leaves the bathroom and closes the door behind her.

"Don't take forever, Grumpy. I want to be early to set things up."

…

Bella and I are in the seminar room, getting everything ready. The room is not intimidatingly big since there are only nine people in our group, including Aro. Soon after we are done setting up and going over her slides —making sure they all show up properly— my lab mates start to arrive. I give Bella an encouraging smile as I sit toward the back of the room.

I know that she is nervous, but she seems collected. We went over every detail last night when she stayed over at my place— she's more than ready.

Aro goes over some lab business first, and then Bella begins her talk.

She stutters one single time, at the beginning, but once she gets into it, it never happens again. She seems confident and explains things in detail. I can't find words to describe how proud of her I am. She is absolutely amazing.

Aro seems impressed as well. He asks her to go over a couple things, which she does, flawlessly.

Jane jumps in with questions too, some of them ill-advised. She asks Bella about unrelated techniques and approaches. Bella stumbles on a couple of them, but she's able to make educated guesses and assumptions. Toward the end of the talk, Jane is starting to get on my nerves.

_What the fuck is her problem?_

"That was all _nice_… uh... Bella?" Jane hesitates on her name, like she has a hard time thinking of it. It pisses me off. "I just don't see the point."

"The p-point?" Bella stutters again and my blood boils —I want to rip Jane's head off.

"Yeah, I mean… so you found two new toxin genes. How is that going to help anything?" Jane continues with a shrug.

Before Bella can answer, I jump in.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Jane. Are you questioning the impact of _my_ research?"

Jane turns to look at me, a smug expression on her face.

"Edward…" Aro's eyes are on me due to my raised tone.

"No, because please, tell me if you are." My eyes still bore into Jane's.

"Actually," Bella says lowly, from the front of the room. "I think I might be able to answer that question." Jane, Aro and I turn our attention back to her. "If I may," she says, looking at me.

"Please, go ahead," Aro answers Bella while I nod at her.

"Well… if these two toxins are, as we have shown, involved in the cancerous growth of stomach epithelium cells, then studying their protein structure and interaction will give insight into the anomalous stomach pathology caused by H. pylori… and its possible cure."

I couldn't have said it better.

My heart explodes in my chest.

_Marry me?_

"Marvelous!" Aro exclaims as Jane huffs and sinks into her chair.

My annoyance at Jane is suddenly gone, replaced by absolute joy. My eyes are glued to Bella as she smiles broadly and pushes her hair behind her ears. I want to sprint to the front of the room, lift her in my arms, and ravish her mouth. It is by sheer willpower that I remain on my chair and manage to only smile at her.

As the room slowly empties, I stay behind with Bella, pretending to help pick up the projector and the laptop. It's all an excuse though, I just need something to do with my hands to contain the waves of emotions inside of me. Aro congratulates Bella again and gives her feedback before he leaves the room. My hands freeze over the laptop case as I count his steps when he leaves, making sure he's far enough. My heart is pounding audibly in my chest while I count and I wait, and I count and I wait, until I can't wait anymore.

I drop everything and wrap my hands around Bella's face while my lips collide desperately with hers.

I kiss her once, twice…

"You did amazing!" My voice is rushed in excitement.

"I was so nervous!"

"I know, but you did great!" I kiss her again.

_God, I can't get enough of her._

My hands still hold her face, while my eyes search hers. "Geez, Bella... you're incredible... I-I..." I lower myself to her and rest my hands on the table behind her, while my lips try to convey the words I can't say yet. It's not like I don't want to say them... _God, I do_... but not here, not right now, not after her seminar... Because it's not just about the fact that she killed it, that I'm incredible proud of her as a scientist, as a researcher, as her mentor... It's so much more than that.

I want to do something special for her. We could go out for dinner, but I'd hate to run into someone and have our night ruined. I need privacy —I want to celebrate.

"I want to cook you dinner tonight," I say, letting go of the table and wrapping my arms around her waist.

She smiles up at me. "You do?"

"Yes. We'll have a celebration date. My place."

"Okay."

"Okay." I kiss the top of her head and reluctantly take my hands off of her as we get ready to go back to the lab.

I'm over the moon. I'm excited —I'm scared. I've never been happier in my life.

_Shit, now what am I going to cook for Bella? _

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Wanna guess what he'll cook? ;)**

**There's still a couple hours to vote for fic of the week at www(.)tehlemonadestand(.)net **

**Thanks to all of you who have voted already! It was an honor for me to even be nominated!**


	59. Chapter 59

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thanks to ****Jax713 for pre-reading and to ****mcc101180 for beta-ing.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

We return to the lab, finish a couple of things, and Bella leaves for her last final. We arrange to meet at my apartment for dinner. I'm getting ready to leave early when I get an email from Aro.

* * *

From: Aro Volturi, arovolturi(at)fhcrc(.)org  
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2011 4:27 PM  
To: Edward Cullen, eacullen(at)u(.)washington(.)edu

Edward,

We need to talk about your undergrad. Please stop by my office.

Aro  
-

Aro Volturi  
Member, Division of Basic Sciences  
Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center  
1100 Fairview Avenue North  
Seattle, WA 98109-1024

* * *

_Shit, shit, shit, shit._

I have a bad feeling about this. Aro has never called me into his office this way. He usually comes to the lab when he wants to talk to me. For some reason, I just know… I know… he knows about Bella and me. Jane must have said something.

_That bitch!_

There's not much I can do other than go and face Aro. He'll tell me Bella and I can't be together and she won't be able to work in the lab anymore.

I can't believe I've ruined this for her. I should have been more careful. I should have tried harder to keep my composure around her. If I would have kept things cool, kept myself in check, this wouldn't be happening.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit._

I knock on Aro's opened door before entering.

"Hello, Edward. Take a seat." Aro doesn't look at me as I drop on the chair, his eyes fixed on his screen. "Let me just finish this email." He types two more letters and clicks on the mouse once. Then he turns on his chair, with a creepy smile on his face, and intertwines his fingers on his lap.

I nod awkwardly at him as I scratch the fabric on the arms of the chair. My palms are sweaty and my mouth is dry— I'm a fucking bundle of nerves.

"I have to say, I was very impressed with Isabella's seminar. She had a broad knowledge about the project. She knew her background information well. She felt confident answering questions. And for only one semester of work, she collected an impressive amount of data."

"She is incredible." The words escape my lips before I can stop them.

_Geez, Cullen, way to keep things cool._

Aro raises his eyebrows and nods at me. "She does seem to be very mature, dedicated, and hard working."

"She is." _She's also a pain in the ass, but she's _my_ pain in the ass._

"So, I called you in here for two things. First of all, I want to offer Isabella a position as a summer intern. What do you think?"

_Wait, what?_

Aro has never offered an undergrad a position after only one semester of work... ever.

This is amazing! Bella is going to be so happy.

"That's… um… that's great! I think she completely deserves it, and it would be an incredible opportunity for her. She wants to apply to grad school next fall, so summer research would clearly be advantageous."

"I see… so you approve?" Aro asks, cocking his head.

The way that Aro is looking at me makes my blood run cold. He most definitely does not need approval, especially not from me. Something's up. There's something else.

"O-of course," I manage to say.

"Well, then… that relates to the second thing I wanted to talk to you about." He shifts in his chair and crosses his legs.

_Here we go…_

"It appears to me you have a very close relationship with Isabella. You seem very… protective of her."

_I fucking knew it! _

_Fucking Jane is a fucking bitch!_

"Now, I know it would be in your nature— with her being under your care and all— to be shielding toward her. But there's something else," he says, bringing the tip of his index finger to his lips. "I've seen the change she's caused in you. It's _fascinating_."

_Geez… Aro and his fascination._

Before I manage to form a coherent sentence, he continues. "Of course, I would never ask you if there's something unprofessional going on between the two of you, because that would be tactless. However, you should know that involving yourself in a romantic relationship with an undergrad— especially if she'll be getting paid for the summer— is completely unacceptable."

_Fucking shit._

My hands clench around the arms of the chair. I can't do this. I won't be able to hide my feelings for Bella for that long. I want Bella— I need her. I don't want to pretend anymore. I can't...

But I'd have to— for Bella. This is an incredible opportunity Aro is giving her. We'll have to keep it up until she graduates.

_Dammit, that's a whole year!_

Maybe I can push to graduate sooner. If I finish my thesis, I could find a job in a different lab. I could stay here and wait for her to graduate, then we could apply to jobs together...

Aro is staring at me. I wonder what my face looks like. I wonder if he can sense my devastation.

He raises his eyebrows and then bursts out in laughter.

"I'm just messing with you, kid." He slaps his hands on his thighs as his chuckles die down. "Your personal life outside of this lab is none of my business. As long as it doesn't affect your work or hers, I have no problem with it."

I look at him in disbelief.

_Did he just say what? _

"You know? When I met Mrs. Volturi, she was working as a post-doc in this lab."

"I didn't know that…" I breathe out in relief.

"Well, now that this is settled, I'm going to offer Isabella the position."

"O-Okay."

I'm still in shock as I leave Aro's office. I'm not even in the lab yet when I get a call from Bella, squealing about Aro's offer.

I don't mention my conversation with him to her. I figure I'll leave that for tonight, for our celebration dinner.

Our celebration dinner… oh God…

_What was I thinking? I can't cook!_

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: Did I scare you guys there for a minute? ;)**

**Thanks for reading! See you tomorrow. R.**


	60. Chapter 60

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything **_**Twilight**_**. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: You guys are so funny with your reviews! I'm sorry I scared you with Aro there. As you can see, academia people lack in social skills, and that's just the way they joke. ;)**

**Also, everybody thought Edward would make Mac&Cheese for Bella. I F-love you guys so much! JSYK, he almost did! ;)**

**Ok, sooooo... We've made it! This is it! Final chapter! OMG!**

**Thank you all who stuck with the story from beginning to end. From Doucheward, to Forkuphisassward to Marshmalloward.**

**As you know, this story wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my lovies ****Jax713 and ****mcc101180.**

**WARNING: There's onion chopping, and discussion of a difficult topic, that might induce tear-spilling.**

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I definitely have to stop at the grocery store, unless I want to make mac and cheese for Bella. I realize, sadly, I have no idea what to prepare for dinner. So I turn to my all-knowing best friend: Google.

Search: What to cook for your girlfriend?

Search Results: 5 Easy Meals To Cook For Her – AskMen(dot)com

_ AskMen(dot)com? Okay…_

Chipotle Shrimp Kabobs…

_What the fuck?_

Sautéed Lemon Garlic Chicken…

_Really, __AskMen(dot)com_, really?

I groan and try again.

Search: Easy dinner for two

Search Results: Cooking for Two Recipes – Allrecipes(dot)com

_ Allrecipes(dot)com?_ I think I've heard Alice mention this site before.

Salmon with Raspberry Ginger Glaze…

_Holy shit! And these are the easy ones?_

I hit my forehead on the desk, repeatedly. Maybe I should try to make something I already know how to make… like grilled cheese. Or pasta! I could try to make some pasta sauce.

Search: Easy Pasta Sauce

Search Results: Easy Vodka Sauce – Allrecipes(dot)com

_Now we're talking._

I write down all the ingredients and head to the store.

…

I'm chopping onions in small little squares when I get a text from Bella.

"**I'm done with the semester! Woot! Woot! Do you want me early so I can help you with dinner?"**

_Yes… Please… No!_

C'mon, I can do this. How hard can it be?

_Just follow the protocol, Cullen._

"**What? No faith in me, Swan?"** I type quickly, getting onion juice all over my cell.

_Shit…_

"**I would prefer not to get food poisoning. I have an internship this summer! :)"**

I smile at the screen.

"**You're distracting me. See you here at 7. Ps: Smiley faces are lame."**

"**And you, my Grumpy, you are adorable!"**

…

When Bella knocks at the door, it's only a quarter to seven. I have the garlic bread in the oven, and the sauce needs to cook for another thirty minutes. I was hoping to shower before she got here, but I've run out of time.

I open the door and find Bella smiling.

"Did you wrestle the tomatoes?" She giggles and tip toes to kiss me. "Hi…"

I want to pull her up to me, like I always do, but she's right —I'm covered in stupid, squirty tomatoes.

"Give me a sec." I remove my shirt and walk to my bedroom to change.

When I come back, she's by the sink. "Geez, Edward. How many things are you making?" She gestures with her hand to the pile of dishes.

"Just the one dish, Bella."

"Did you feel the need to use all of your pots and utensils? Were you trying them all out?"

"Okay, Swan. You're getting on my nerves. I'm trying to cook here," I say as I mix the sauce with the spoon.

"You should use a wooden spoon. That metal one would make the sauce acidic. 'Cause you know, the metal reacts with the acidic pH of the tomatoes and—"

I turn to glare at her. She has a wooden spoon in her hand and walks closer to me and the stove. I didn't even know I owned a wooden spoon —probably some of Alice's unused gifts.

"May I?"

"I've got it," I say, taking the spoon from her hands. "I almost have a PhD, you know?"

"Okay… Okay…Mr. PhD…" She waves her hands in the air in surrender. "Can I play some music?" She reaches my laptop which is still on the counter. "Oh my gosh…" She giggles. "You googled the meaning of sautéed?"

"Okay, that's it, Swan." I exaggeratedly drop the wooden spoon over the dish on the counter. "No dinner for you." I point a finger at her and struggle to keep a straight face.

"I'm sorry." She laughs. I walk closer to her and corner her against the counter. "It does smell delicious," she whispers, running a finger over my chest.

"And I haven't even showered yet." I drop kisses on her neck as my hand reaches for her back under her shirt.

"You do smell delicious too," she says huskily in my ear.

"Liar. I stink of onions."

"Only a little bit." She giggles into my neck as I pull her up on the counter. "Thanks for making me dinner."

"My pleasure," I say into her neck, running my nose from her collarbone to behind her ear— she _is_ the one that smells delicious. I pull my face away and face her. "Congratulations on your internship, Bella. You absolutely earned it."

"Yeah… about that," she says with a nervous giggle. "I haven't said yes yet."

"Why not?" I look at her in confusion.

"Well, I have to think about it."

"Bella, it's an incredible opportunity. Aro has never offered an internship to a student after only a semester of work."

"I know… but…" She trails off and bites her lip.

"What is it?" I cup her cheek with my hand and rub my thumb on it.

"Well… are we going to be okay if I join the lab for the summer? We'll have to keep hiding this, and I know it's been getting… um… difficult… for both of us."

I sigh in relief and smile at her. It's nice of her to include herself, when I'm the only one who has been making this difficult. The fact that she'd be willing to pass on this opportunity so that we could be together has my heart exploding in my chest. And in all honesty, I would do it for her too... in a heartbeat. Funny how things change.

"Yeah… about that…" I repeat her words. She looks at me expectantly. "I'm sorry I've been so difficult about the whole thing… but it turns out, we don't need to hide anymore. I mean, we should still keep things professional in the lab and all, but… Aro sort of knows."

"WHAT?" She pushes me back with a hand on my chest.

"I think it was becoming obvious, Bella. He didn't ask me directly, but he said our personal life had nothing to do with our work, and as long as it didn't affect our performance, he didn't care."

"He doesn't care?" Her tone is still high-pitched in surprise.

"Apparently his wife worked for him once too…" I shrug, getting back to our dinner. I give the sauce a little stir, put some salt in the boiling water, and add the spaghetti to it.

"That… that changes things."

I turn my gaze to her. She doesn't seem as relieved as I was when I realized Aro was on board and we didn't have to hide anymore. I step in between her legs again.

"What is it?"

"So, um… do you want me to take the internship? You won't get tired of me?"

"What kind of question is that, Bella?" I shake my head. "I have been hurting— physically aching right around the chest area— thinking that you might take an internship somewhere else and that you'd leave me for the whole summer."

Her smile is huge and ravishing. "You have?"

"Yes…"

"Well, it looks like I won't be going anywhere."

"Good. Because I have a lot of work to do, and I could really use an over-achieving undergrad with some pretty amazing skills at the bench."

"I'd say my skills go beyond the bench. Wouldn't you agree?" she asks with a sexy smirk on her face.

"I would…" I say, pointing at her with the wooden spoon. "But don't distract me now, or I'll burn your dinner."

…

Dinner isn't half bad. We both eat while Bella goes over her classes, her finals, her classmates, and her professors. I just sit there and enjoy the way her eyes brighten in excitement, how the corners of her mouth lift up when she smiles, how her eyebrows pucker when she frowns, how she hand gestures everything while she speaks… Just the way she enjoys life, how passionate she is, it's so precious to me.

…

Bella is drying the last few dishes when I approach her from behind and kiss her neck. "You want to show off some of those non-bench skills of yours?" She turns around and I lean on the counter with my hands, lowering myself to her. I'm kissing her when I can smell it…

"God, I stink…"

She giggles. "It's fine."

"Do you mind if I take a quick shower?"

"Can I join you?"

I smile at her and seize her hand before I lead us to the bathroom.

My shirt and pants are gone before we make it there.

She kicks her shoes off and starts unbuttoning her jeans while I turn the water on.

"May I?" I ask, my hand closing around her wrist. She nods.

I unbutton her jeans and lower them to her ankles. On my way up, I kiss her calves, her knees, and her thighs, making her giggle.

"Your scruff tickles."

She steps out of her pants as I lift her shirt off of her.

"Ladybugs? I haven't seen this one before." I run my finger over the straps of her bra.

Once our underwear is out of the way, I pull her up to me and she wraps her legs around my waist. Our difference in stature makes this the most convenient position, for… well… everything.

She squeals when I jump in the shower, putting her directly under the streaming water.

Her lips are all over me, and I press her against the wall so I can move one of my hands from under her to her face. She pulls at my hair and moans when she feels how hard I am for her already.

"Put me down," she says hoarsely in my ear.

I do as I'm told. She kisses my chest and slowly lowers herself to her knees, trailing kisses on her way down.

_Oh god…_

"Bella…" I lean on the wall with my hand. I know what she's going to do. This definitely counts as one of her non-bench skills. She's done it before, just never in the shower, or on her knees…

_God, that's incredibly hot…_

I moan into my arm as she wraps her hands around me and licks the tip— her eyes on mine the whole time.

_Holy mother of god…_

She starts slowly at first, licking me, sucking me… it's the best kind of torture.

I resist the urge to pound into her mouth while she increases her pace with her hands around my hips.

She closes her eyes and moans. _Holy shit, she likes this too!_

I won't be able to hold on for long. I can feel the pressure building in my abdomen. My knees start to weaken.

"Bella…" I rasp warningly. "I'm… shit…"

She doesn't slow down; on the contrary, her hands tighten the grip on my hips, and her pace increases.

I'm unable to contain my moans. I reach for something to grab, but the shower curtain rod shakes under my hand, so I pull at my hair, as I groan on my arm and spill into Bella's mouth.

Bella gets up from her knees and licks her lips, making my insides clench. I pull her up again and pant into her neck. "You are one talented woman."

…

With Bella wrapped around me, I walk clumsily into the bedroom. I slump on the bed— Bella beneath me— and I kiss her… everywhere.

_God, I will never get tired of kissing her._

I kneel next to the bed and pull her legs so she's on the edge. I've got some skills of my own to show her. I kiss her thighs, and she squirms while I pull her legs over my shoulders. I caress her hips with my fingers and lick my lips.

Bella moans and writhes under me as I lick and suck and nibble… where she wants me… where I want to be.

"God, Bella, you taste even better than you smell."

Soon enough I have Bella screaming my name and her walls clenching around my tongue.

Bringing her pleasure this way, knowing I'm good at it, has become one of my favorite activities.

I plant little kisses all over her body as I work my way to her neck.

"Mmmmmm… Edward…" With a sigh, she releases her fist from the sheets and runs her hand through my soaked hair. "Very… talented… yourself."

I snort and kiss her.

_I love you, I love you, I love you…_

"Inside… now," Bella orders, panting.

"Yes, ma'am!"

…

"Bella?" I run my fingers through her damp hair spread over my chest.

"Hummmm?"

"I… I want to tell you about my parents." She lifts her head, folds her arms over my chest, and places them under her chin.

She gives me a tiny grin and nod.

"You probably guessed that they're dead, right?"

She nods again. "I know they're not part of your life now… I figured something must have happened."

"My dad died when I was four," I say bluntly.

"I'm sorry…"

"I don't remember him, except for pictures, I guess…" I shrug. "Pretty aggressive colon cancer— killed him in two months."

"Oh my God, Edward… I'm so sorry."

"It's fine." I try to smile at her, but it probably comes out imperfect and crooked like she has mentioned before. "So it was my mom and me… for a while… but when I was eleven, she was diagnosed with breast cancer."

Her eyes widen, and she starts rubbing circles on my chest with her fingers.

"She was so strong, though. She fought it, for almost two years, with the most eager and positive attitude you can imagine. She was sort of like you in that way." I try smiling at her again. Bella's eyes are starting to tear up, but she remains quiet, letting me finish.

"When she started getting worse, we moved in with my aunt, uncle, and Alice. My dad's brother, Carlisle, happens to be one of the best oncologists on the West Coast. But after metastasis, there was pretty much nothing else he could do."

"And that's why you do cancer research."

"It was Carlisle's idea, really. He mentioned how frustrating it was, being an oncologist, waiting for new therapies, new drugs, and new discoveries. I figured it would make sense, for me to devote my life… to that."

"It does…"

"I know it's not a very profitable career…" Or how Tanya would have said, a waste of time.

"Profitable?" Her tone of disbelief surprises me. "What do you need so much money for anyway? You're doing something you love. Something meaningful. That's so much more important."

I'm rendered speechless by Bella, how she understands me, how good it feels to have her know me. I kiss the top of her head and we fall silent for a bit, until I decide to share with her the last piece of my story, as I promised her before.

"My mom… um… she loved The Carpenters. She would make me sing their songs to her all the time. At the end—when she was breathing through a tube and couldn't speak anymore— she wrote that note you saw on the CD."

"'I'll be with Daddy soon'?" Bella deduces, remembering the words perfectly.

"Yes…" I run a hand through my hair and stare at the ceiling, trying to breathe through the lump in my throat. "I still miss her… so much." I keep my eyes fixed on the ceiling and will them not to fill with tears. I blame the onions and their sulfenic acids when they do.

I take a couple deep breaths, and after I've collected myself, I turn to face Bella, who's sniffling over her hands.

"Bella, don't cry. Please."

"I'm sorry. It's just so sad. I'm so sorry." She cries over my chest, and I run my hand over her hair.

"I know. But I'm okay. I'm happy now."

"You are?"

"Yes, because of you."

She sniffles and giggles into her hands. She's crying _and_ giggling at the same time. She'll never cease to amaze me.

"I love you, Bella." My throat burns with the conviction of my words.

She lifts her head again and stares at me through her wet eyelashes. I'm sure she can feel how my heart is pounding under her. I'm overwhelmed by my emotions, but I've never spoken truer words. After a few seconds, Bella's hand reaches behind my neck as her lips collide with mine. She kisses me passionately, her tears still spilling from her cheeks on to mine.

"And I love you…" She breathes in between kisses. "So… so… so much."

We fall asleep like this, with her over my chest. I feel relieved to have her know me— in a way no one has ever known me before. And even though I still worry about our future together, I don't have to figure everything out right now. Like Bella said, I would enjoy my time— my time with her, my time in school. As long as I have her by my side, nothing else matters anymore. I am doing what I love to do with the person I love beside me. It couldn't possibly get any better than that.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

**A/N: THE END. *snot-sobs***

**Thank you, really, all of you. This was an amazing experience! **

**All the fluffy love in my heart! Ronnie.**


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